There are two related things that you can do to make your relationships – not just your marriage, but all of your relationships – happier, stronger and more fun.
These are very easy things to do - if you set your mind to it. I always recommend doing all the easy things you can do. Sometimes, because they seem so easy, people overlook them. But it's the easy, simple things that you do every day that make a relationship strong and happy.
When you have the kind of base that is built by countless friendly, kind and playful interactions, then when the inevitable difficult conflicts or misunderstandings come up they are much less daunting because they are exceptions to the overall spirit that you have created between you.
Bids and Turning
The first is what John Gottman calls "Bids and turning."
When someone makes a bid for your attention, turn toward them – actually, physically, turn toward them; and respond to them.
Simple, right?
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These are very easy things to do - if you set your mind to it. I always recommend doing all the easy things you can do. Sometimes, because they seem so easy, people overlook them. But it's the easy, simple things that you do every day that make a relationship strong and happy.
When you have the kind of base that is built by countless friendly, kind and playful interactions, then when the inevitable difficult conflicts or misunderstandings come up they are much less daunting because they are exceptions to the overall spirit that you have created between you.
Bids and Turning
The first is what John Gottman calls "Bids and turning."
When someone makes a bid for your attention, turn toward them – actually, physically, turn toward them; and respond to them.
Simple, right?
More
5 comments:
My wife and I married 43 years. Someone asked me whats the secret to a long marrage. It's eazy. We take two nights a week, go out for a candlelight dinner, a couple glasses of wine, some slow dancing. She goes on Tuesday, I go on Friday.
Anony. 4:01 LOL
I keep mine in the closet and let her out to use the bathroom + get a drink and back she goes.
Been doin that now for about 50 years...
Really well put advice, actually, explained simply for those who really don't get it. No shame in that, but a couple of simple techniques help.
truly listening is an art in today's hurried world. It's the most significant way to show people you care.
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