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Monday, January 04, 2010

Coast Guard Searching For Missing Boater


We've just been informed the Coast Guard is looking for a missing boater off Deal Island.

Coast guard is on the scene now. The boat is out of Wenona. Maryland State Police helicopter is also searching.

Northrop Grumman To Move HQ To DC


Defense contractor wants to be closer to key government customers

LOS ANGELES
- Defense contractor Northrop Grumman Corp. said Monday it's moving its corporate office from Los Angeles to the Washington, D.C., area to be closer to key government customers.

The company said it expects to make the move by 2011.

Northrop said it was looking for a location in the Washington area, including the Maryland and Virginia suburbs. It plans to pick a site by this spring and open the office in summer 2011.

GO HERE to read more.

Fatal Motor Vehicle Accident, Sussex County

Location: Old Landing Road, just west of Delaware Route 1 (The entrance to Walmart), Rehoboth, DE

Date of Occurrence: Monday January 4th, at approximately 8:22 am

Vehicles:
2008 Toyota Highlander, being operated by Randolph Smith, 56 years old, of Rehoboth, DE

2004 Toyota Camry, being operated by Thomas B. Lewis, 86 years old, of Rehoboth, DE

Resume: The Delaware State Police Collision Reconstruction Unit is currently investigating an early morning accident that has taken the life of an 86 year old, Rehoboth, DE, man. The investigation has revealed that the 2008 Toyota Highlander was traveling westbound on Old Landing Road passing the side entrance to the Walmart. The 2004 Toyota Camry was exiting the Walmart parking lot onto Old Landing Road, and did not come to a complete stop before entering the roadway. The front of the 2008 Toyota Highlander struck the left drivers door of the 2004 Toyota Camry.

The operator of the 2004 Toyota Camry, Thomas B. Lewis, 86, of Rehoboth, DE sustained massive head trauma and internal injuries as a result of the collision. Thomas B. Lewis was transported from the scene to Beebe Hospital where he succumbed to his injuries.

The operator of the 2008 Toyota Highlander, Randolph Smith, 56, of Rehoboth, DE, did not sustain injury as a result of the collision.

Both operators where properly restrained, and no others were involved in the accident.

Old Landing Road at the scene of the accident was closed for approximately 2 hours during the investigation. Thomas B. Lewis’s family has been notified of the incident.

State Police Detectives Seek Identity Of Burglary Suspect


Location: Harbeson Deli, 26454 Lewes Georgetown Highway, Harbeson, DE

Date of Occurrence: Friday, January 1st 2010, at approximately 2:02 am

Suspect: White male, between 20-30 years old, 5’10”, and approximately 150-165 pounds, wearing a light colored hooded sweatshirt.

Resume: Troop 4 Detectives are investigating a burglary that occurred last week at the Harbeson Deli, Sussex County, DE. Early Friday morning Troopers responded to Harbeson Deli in regards to an alarm. Upon arrival Troopers noticed that someone had forced entry through the front door of the business. The preliminary investigation revealed that an unknown suspect entered the business by damaging the front door. Once inside the suspect removed an undisclosed amount of cigarettes, and fled.

A Surveillance picture of the suspect was obtained and is attached to this release. Anyone who may recognize this suspect is asked to call Troop 4 Detectives at (302) 856-5850 ext. 214, or Crime Stoppers at 1-800- TIP- 3333.

Lost Golden Retriever




Hi Joe.

I follow your blog everyday and I know thousands of others do to. That is why I am asking if you could post a picture of my dog on your website asking if anyone has seen her. She is a 7 month old Golden Retriever. She got out on Dec. 31st and hasn't come home yet. She has gotten out before but she has always returned home, that is why I am wondering if someone might have picked her up trying to protect her from the cold weather. She may have been seen walking with 3 other dogs along Rt 313 around the Galestown/Rhodesdale area. She is wearing a turquoise blue collar but does not have tags. She is extremely friendly and will go to anyone. Her name is Peyton and she is a dark golden color, about medium size. My family and I miss her very, very much and would really like her to come home. Thank you so much, Joe. Keep up the great work!

Emily Eskridge
emily13708@aol.com

Eagle Express Robbed

Joe called in and said the Eagle Express at the foot of the overhead bridge on Rt 13 North was just robbed.

The holidays are over and the criminals are back at work. Get'em SPD, WCSO and MSP.

Bank Robbery In Salisbury


The Bank Of Delmarva in north Salisbury was robbed around 3:00 PM today. Police are just about everywhere and once again it is a white male with a black hoodie.

More to come.

RT 13 Shut Down

Joe called in and said Route 13 North and South bound lanes are closed down at Naylor Mill Road. More to come

MISSING PERSON ALERT


Maryland State Police - Salisbury Barrack is currently looking for Mr. Ellwood Henry Morris Sr, B/M, DOB 12-25-45. Mr. Morris was last seen on today's date at 5092 Sailfish Drive Eden, MD 21822. Mr. Morris is an Alzheimer's patient who is currently under the care of a doctor and takes Aricept for his illness. Mr. Morris left his residence on today's date at approximately 0930 hrs wearing only blue jeans, a blue plaid button down shirt, black tennis shoes and a black toboggan. It has been learned that Mr. Morris obtained a brown jacket from a neighbor. His photograph is attached. Anyone with information is asked to contact Salisbury Barrack.

BREAKING NEWS

Armed Robbery at the Royal Farns Store on Rt. 13 & Main Street in Downtown Salisbury.

Feel the Love for Blue Dog Frank

The conventional wisdom is that Rep. Frank Kratovil (D-MD) faces an uphill battle for re-election.  Maryland Sen. Andy Harris (R-7) is formally announcing his candidacy tomorrow.  Partially to pre-empt Harris’ announcement and partially to get an early start in leading cheers for their favorite boy, the Daily Times has fired off a few articles and a glowing op-ed to let us all know that “Blue Dog Frank” is INDEPENDENT and he’s facing a tough road to re-election (the game of lower expectations).

Bending the truth is easy over at the Daily Times.  Expect plenty more between now and November.

READ MORE …

Federal Appliance Rebates Modeled After Cash For Clunkers Launch

Modeled after the popular Cash for Clunkers program, which was intended to get cars with low gas mileage off the road, a federal appliance rebate program is launching in early 2010. It offers a boost to people buying energy-efficient clothes washers, refrigerators and other appliances -- those that qualify for the federal "Energy Star" designation -- and to manufacturers, whose sales fell 10 percent in 2008 and another 12 percent through mid-December this year.

The program has only $300 million, one-tenth as much money as Cash for Clunkers, or about $1 per U.S resident, so it could run out fast. States are receiving roughly the same amount per capita, with California getting the most at $35.2 million, but what's eligible varies by state.

Here's what to keep in mind as you decide whether to swap your washer for that supposedly whisper-quiet model or your old white refrigerator for a shapely stainless-steel number.•

WHAT'S MY STATE OFFERING? For state by state information, visit the federal Web site http://energysavers.gov and click on "State appliance rebate program" on the right. Get more information about Maryland's program by visiting http://www.energy.state.md.us/documents/appliancerebatefaq110309.pdf.

GO HERE to read more.

This Is Scary Stuff!

Armed Protest In New Mexcio


This is a youtube video of the first armed protest in many years. Gun Owners in New Mexico USA Took to the streets in an Armed Protest to Show Obama that they value their right to bear arms and will not give up easily ! An armed protest take this think to the next level.

Thank You For A Wonderful Season

Salisbury News Has Biggest Year Ever


2009 has proven to be an incredible year for Salisbury News. While our Alexa Ratings dropped to an all time low, (lower is better) we also went over 5,350,000 visits.

Mind you, we did enjoy national recognition on a few articles, which brought in hundreds of thousands of additional visits we don't consider "normal." We still achieved numbers no one here would have ever dreamed of reaching.

As we had told you in the past, 2010 will bring multiple changes for Salisbury News, all of which I can assure you you're going to enjoy.

There are a lot of nameless people I'd like to thank. Salisbury News receives a TON of tips ranging from jokes to serious issues each and every day, sometimes up to 100 of them a day. Fortunately all of the people sending us information understand we cannot publish everything that comes through. I encourage all of you to please continue to send us whatever you like for consideration.

With time comes wisdom. We are still learning but one thing is for sure, Salisbury News is not the same outlet of information we used to be two, three or even four years ago. With time we have mellowed and with time brought great changes to us as well as our community. We're watching the good old boys disappear, or should I say weakening.


We have opened topics for discussion that four years ago no one would have ever commented on. Today, people are far less afraid of retaliation and are more open to putting their opinions into comments and to me that's my biggest goal with Salisbury News, getting YOU involved.


I hear often, "I don't always agree with what you say Joe." GOOD! I don't want you to always agree with me. Heck, there are many times I put up information I don't always agree with either. However, at least the information gets posted and we can all discuss it and agree to disagree.


One thing I'd like to share with everyone is, I never dodge phone calls. If you have something on your mind you are welcome to call me or write me. I get hundreds of e-mail messages per day and let me assure you that I burn up to 5,000 minutes of cell phone time a month on my phone. There's a lot to do in one days time and as I have proven with almost 11,000 articles in 2009, I have to attend meetings, events and many spontaneous topics that never leave me with a scheduled day. Then there's the new television show, which takes up at least two days out of the week.


I do my best and you better believe along the way I also make mistakes. I believe it's called being human. I'm stretched as far as one man can be and somewhere along the way I have to find down time for my Family. So please be patient and remember, we do all of this as a FREE service to our readers and the community.


I'm excited about 2010. Thanks for all of your support and we hope you enjoy what we deliver this year.

Hurricane Chief: Probe Climategate

A former director of the National Hurricane Center called Sunday for an investigation into the “scientific debauchery revealed by ‘Climategate,’” citing the way global warming skeptics have been marginalized by the mainstream media.

Neil Frank, who was director of the National Hurricane Center from 1974 to 1987 called for the investigation Sunday in an article in the Houston Chronicle.

“Particularly disturbing was the way the core IPCC scientists (the believers) marginalized the skeptics of the theory that man-made global warming is large and potentially catastrophic,” Frank wrote. “The e-mails document that the attack on the skeptics was twofold. First, the believers gained control of the main climate-profession journals. This allowed them to block publication of papers written by the skeptics and prohibit unfriendly peer review of their own papers. Second, the skeptics were demonized through false labeling and false accusations.

The science isn’t settled, Frank wrote, despite what “climate alarmists” would lead you to believe. They also attack skeptics by painting them as tools of Big Oil or questioning their qualifications. But they are “numerous and well qualified,” Frank wrote.

“Several years ago two scientists at the University of Oregon became so concerned about the overemphasis on man-made global warming that they put a statement on their Web site and asked for people's endorsement; 32,000 have signed the petition, including more than 9,000 Ph.Ds. More than 700 scientists have endorsed a 231-page Senate minority report that questions man-made global warming.

"Skeptics believe that climate models are grossly over predicting future warming from rising concentrations of carbon dioxide, Frank wrote. “We are being told that numerical models that cannot make accurate 5- to 10-day forecasts can be simplified and run forward for 100 years with results so reliable you can impose an economic disaster on the U.S. and the world,” he added.

More here..

Caption This Photo


ALL GUNS TO BE LISTED ON 2010 Tax Returns

THEY ARE REALLY DOING IT. THIS IS THE START OF CONFISCATION OF LAW ABIDING CITIZENS GUNS!!! WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!

http://www.snopes.com/politics/guns/blairholt.asp
Now 'all Guns' must be listed on your next (2010) tax return!

As if we didn't have enough to get upset about!

If you have a gun, I hope it isn't registered! Senate Bill SB-2099 will require us to put on our 2009 1040 federal tax form all guns that you have or own. It will require fingerprints and a tax of $50 per gun. This bill was introduced on Feb. 24, 2009, by the Obama staff. BUT this bill will only become public knowledge 30 days after the new law becomes effective! This is an amendment to the Internal Revenue Act o f 1986. This means that the Finance Committee has passed this without the Senate voting on it at all.

Trust Obama ? ..... you must be kidding!

The full text of the IRS amendment is on the U.S. Senate homepage,U.S. Senate You can find the bill by doing a search by the bill number, SB-2099.. You know who to call; I strongly suggest you do.

Text of H.R.45 as Introduced in House:

Blair Holt's Firearm Licensing and Record of Sale Act of 2009 - U.S. ... Open Congress

Obama's Congress is now starting on the firearms confiscation bill. If it passes, gun owners will become criminals if you don't fully comply.

It has begun . . . Whatever Obama's secret Master Plan is....this is just the 'tip of the iceberg!

Very Important for you to be aware of a new bill HR 45 introduced into the House. This is the Blair Holt Firearm Licensing & Record of Sale Ac t of 2009.

Even gun shop owners didn't know about this because the government is trying to fly it under the radar as a 'minor' IRS revision, and, as usual, the 'political' lawmakers did not read this bill before signing and approving it!

To find out about this - go to any government website and type in HR 45 or Google HR 45 Blair Holt Firearm Licensing & Record of Sales Act of 2009. You will get all the information.

Basically this would make it illegal to own a firearm - any rifle with a clip or ANY pistol unless: It is registered - you are fingerprinted - You supply a current Driver's License - You supply your Social Security # -Each update change or ownership through private or public sale must be reported and costs $25 - Failure to do so you automatically lose the right to own a firearm and are subject up to a year in jail. There is a child provision clause on page 16 section 305 stating a child-access provision. Gun must be locked and inaccessible to any child under 18. - They would have the right to come and inspect that you are storing your gun safely away from accessibility to children and fine is punishable for up to 5 yrs. in prison.

If you think this is a joke - go to the website and take your pick of many options to read this. It is long and lengthy. But, more and more people are becoming aware of this. Think 2nd and 4th Amendment to the Constitution. Pass the word along. Any hunters in your family pass this along. This is just a "termite" approach to complete confiscation of guns and disarming of our society to the point we have no defense - chip away a little here and there until the goal is accomplished before anyone realizes it..This is one to act on whether you own a gun or not.

"The American People Know What Makes Sense And What Doesn’t‪.."

Congressman Mike Pence issues the challenge.. Preserve The Real American Revolution.



November 19, 2009
“I stand before you today at an historic moment for the conservative movement and for this great country. The coming weeks and months may well set the course for this nation for a generation and beyond. How we as conservatives respond could well determine whether America retains her place as a beacon of hope in the world, or whether we slip into the abyss that has swallowed much of Europe in an avalanche of Socialism.‪

“While some are prepared to write the obituary on capitalism and conservative values, I believe we are in the midst of a great American awakening. And it is breaking out all across this land, in town halls and tea parties, coffee shops and church halls, in New Jersey and Virginia, and in the hearts and minds of everyday Americans, who are fed up with runaway federal spending, bailouts and takeovers by both parties and are saying with one voice: enough is enough.‪

“The American people know what makes sense and what doesn’t‪.


“When you look at the failed Democratic policies on stimulus, cap and trade and healthcare, it looks like their recovery strategy is, 'the beatings will continue until morale improves.’ Democrat policies in Washington D.C. are taking our economy from bad to worse. The unemployment rate in this country reached a 26 year high, 10.2 percent, the worst since 1983 and the national debt reaches 12 trillion dollars.‪

“And where was President Obama this week? In China visiting our money and being lectured on monetary policy by communist dictators‪. But seriously, the image is striking: a President of the United States, flying on one more foreign junket, to one more glamorous capitol, as our nation continues to struggle in the city and on the farm and unemployment rises to record levels.

“To get this administration to focus on creating jobs, maybe the president should spend less time at the Great Wall of China and more time at Wal-Mart!

" What we see here tonight and at town hall meetings, tea party rallies across this country, and in the march on Washington in Washington, D.C., is not the orchestrated theater of liberal special interest groups. It’s authentic and it’s powerful and it’s real and it’s American.‪ And the American people know this is not just about dollars and cents, it’s about who we are as a nation.

“That became very clear to me about one year ago this weekend. It was in the aftermath of that Wall Street bailout vote. Along with a majority of House Republicans, I opposed that bailout not once, but twice. I just thought it was wrong to take $700 billion from Main Street and transfer it to Wall Street to pay for the bad decisions that had been made there.

“You remember how it went. We stopped that bill once but the White House passed it over in the Senate, brought it back and rolled us. After it passed, I got on a plane to fly back to Indiana. Now you can probably tell that I’m a pretty upbeat guy, but that Saturday morning I was a little bit down. I was heartsick about what I’d seen our country do. But I had promised to speak at a Boy Scout jamboree in New Castle, Indiana, and I meant to keep that promise.

“You know the scene. It was a cold October Saturday morning, a line of Boy Scouts, ties pulled to the side, one shirttail out, standing up straight. I gave them my best speech about American history and then a few adults waited to talk to me afterwards. A lot of them talked about the bailout vote from the day before, about where the economy was headed. 


“But there was one man standing off to the side, modestly dressed. And when the other adults dispersed, he walked up to me, hat in hand, and said words I'll never forget. He said, ‘Congressman, I’d seen in the newspaper that you were going to be out here. I lost my job yesterday, but I came out here to thank you for voting against that Wall Street bailout.’ I looked at him and I said, ‘Well, I’m sorry for your trouble, but I have to tell you, I admire your stand.’ And that American looked me in the eye that cold October morning and said words that are now chiseled on my heart. He said, ‘Congressman, I came by to thank you because I can get another job, but I can’t get another country.’

More from Mike Pence..

(Mike Pence was first elected to Congress in 2000, representing Indiana's 6th district, and was most recently elected to a fifth term in November of 2008. He also was elected unanimously by House Republicans to serve as House Republican Conference Chairman in November 2008. In his role as Conference Chairman, he helps to develop and disseminate the message of the Republican Conference and to promote its Members. He is the former chairman of the Republican Study Committee.

Congressman Pence describes himself as "a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order.")

Adopt A Terrorist

A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

She received back the following reply:

National Defence Headquarters
MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2
Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa .

You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defence, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.

We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group.

He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.

This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man.

You take good care of Ahmed and remember we'll be watching.

Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,
Gordon O'Connor

Minister of National Defense

Baptist Cowboy

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, 'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'

The cowboy replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado .. When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.'

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

'Oh, no, everybody's just fine, ' he explains, 'It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.'

'Hasn't affected my brothers though..'

Today's Nature Photo By Scott Phoebus



Observations On Growing Older

~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them

...but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good.

Coming home is better!

~When people say you look "Great"...

they add "for your age!"

~When you needed the discount you paid full price.

Now you get discounts on everything ..

movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

~You forget names ... but it's OK

because other people forgot

they even knew you!!!

~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose

is now 15 and you have a better chance

of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~You realize you're never going

to be really good at anything .... especially golf.

~Your husband is counting on you

to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do,

you no longer care to do,

but you really do care that you

don't care to do them anymore.

~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair

with the TV blaring than he does in bed.

It's called his "pre-sleep".

~Remember when your mother said

"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?

Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

~You used to say,

"I hope my kids GET married ..

Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

~You miss the days when everything worked

with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ...

were unheard of, and a mouse was something

that made you climb on a table.

~You used to use more 4 letter words ...

"what?"..."when?" ???

~Now that you can afford

expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~Your husband has a night out with the guys

but he's home by 9:00 P.M. ...next week it will be 8:30 P.M.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.


~Now that your husband has retired ...

you'd give anything if he'd find a job!

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ...

2 of which you will never wear.

~~~~But old is good in some things:

old songs

old movies

And best of all OLD FRIENDS!!

The Are Five Things You Cannot Recover In Life

(1) The Stone..........after it's thrown,

(2) The Word...............after it's said,

(3) The Occasion......after it's missed, and

(4) The Time.............after it's gone.

(5)A person.............after they die

Having A Bad Day

Philosophy Of Ambiguity

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3.ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Welcome To Alberta...

NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA:

1. Bring your own house.

2. If you are going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school, and hospital.

3. If you are going to Edmonton, wear your flak jacket. This is the murder capital of Canada ..

4. If you are driving to Edmonton , note that it is also the auto theft center of Canada ..

5. If you are bringing drugs, head straight to Fort McMurray, the drug capital of Canada ..

6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is $5.60 per hour.

7. If you work downtown, note that parking costs $5.00 per hour or more.

8. If you are able to buy a house in Edmonton or Calgary , why not spend the money on a 15 year holiday.

9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. Alberta has the highest gas prices in Canada [The Alberta Advantage].

10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come here sick.

11. In Calgary the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12 years ago. Calgary is a no parking zone.

12. Remember when Roy Rogers etc. were beating the Indians? Well it's payback time. They own all the Casinos here.

NEW CALGARY RULES OF THE ROAD:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the name correctly -- it is: "CAL-GREE". The second 'A' is redundant.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends on Saturday night.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the Deerfoot 500, you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered "Wussy".

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Calgary now has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, Calgary , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Calgary . . . Detour barrels are moved around each night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and more new construction starts everyday.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. In Calgary, 16th Avenue, TransCanada, and "Hwy #1" are all the same road.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 kph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you will be shot.

12. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candles and blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is virtually non-existent until the spring thaw.

Andy Harris to Announce TOMORROW!

2009 has shown a lot to the voters of Maryland’s First District.  After narrowly electing Frank Kratovil to the US House, we have seen the man who CLAIMS to represent Eastern Shore values vote for the Obama PORKULUS bill, support the Barack Obama / Nancy Pelosi / Harry Reid appropriation bills, vote FOR ACORN before he voted AGAINST them, waiver on ObamaCare despite thousands of citizens turning out at town hall meetings and telling Kratovil NO, and kow-tow to radical environmental groups who have vowed destroy the poultry industry (collectively, Delmarva’s largest private employer).

Tomorrow, we have a chance to begin rectifying the mistake of sending Frank Kratovil to Congress.  Maryland Sen. Andy Harris (R-7) will announce his candidacy to replace Kratovil and give Maryland’s First District a Congressman that actually reflects our values.

On Tuesday, Harris will be travelling throughout the district.  You can meet him at:

10:00 AM
Silver Spring Mining Company
705 Bel Air Road
Bel Air, MD  21014

1:00 PM
Maryland Republican Party HQ
15 West Street
Annapolis, MD  21401

3:00 PM
Holiday Inn Express
8561 Ocean Gateway (US 50)
Easton, MD  21601

5:00 PM
East Coast Iron, Inc.
300 Moss Hill Lane
Salisbury, MD  21804

Come out.  Say hello.  Show your support!  This is just the first step, but unless we want to continue to be represented by someone who listens to Nancy Pelosi and Martin O’Malley more than he does the voters of the First District we need to rally around Andy and work to get him elected.

The 2008 elections showed what happens when good men and women fail to act!  Our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will be PAYING THE COST!

from Delmarva Dealings

This Explains Why I Pass On Jokes


A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. 'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Soooo...

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome at my water bowl anytime!

Happy New Year

Get Fit With Pole Dancing

The Birth Of The Blues

Kratovil Faces Uphill Battle; Edwards, A Surprise Test


WASHINGTON — - Stiff challenges for a pair of congressional incumbents and a re-election run by the state's senior senator will headline a competitive 2010 election season for federal lawmakers from Maryland, according to politicians in both parties and independent analysts.

Republicans started gunning for Rep. Frank Kratovil before he took office in 2009 in the district that straddles the Chesapeake Bay, composed of the Eastern Shore and parts of Baltimore, Anne Arundel and Harford counties. Because the Democrat represents one of the most Republican areas of the state, he easily ranks as the most vulnerable member of the state's delegation in Washington and is one of the most endangered House members in the country.

"Kratovil has done a nice job of trying, on most issues, to vote the district," reflecting its conservative views on legislation in the House, said Stu Rothenberg, who publishes the nonpartisan Rothenberg Political Report. But "bottom line, the district stinks for him."

Another relatively new House member, Rep. Donna F. Edwards, is unexpectedly gearing up to defend her job against one or more fellow Democrats. Glenn F. Ivey, the state's attorney in Prince George's County, has formed an exploratory committee and is expected to announce in early 2010 that he'll challenge Edwards in the Sept. 14 primary.

Sen. Barbara A. Mikulski continues to be slowed by a broken ankle suffered in a fall last summer, but she appears to be cruising to another six-year term. Republicans have not recruited a serious challenger, and the Maryland race is not rated as competitive by the major political parties and independent analysts.

The 73-year-old Democrat from Baltimore, first elected to the Senate in 1986, is the most popular politician in Maryland, according to statewide public opinion surveys.

Former Republican Gov. Robert L. Ehrlich Jr., thought to be preparing to run for his old job, has left open the possibility of a 2010 Senate campaign.

GO HERE to read more.

When The Census People Knock On You Door

2010 Census

Everybody needs to be aware of this:

With the U.S. . Census process beginning, the Better Business Bureau (BBB) advises people to be cooperative, but cautious, so as not to become a victim of fraud or identity theft. The first phase of the 2010 U.S. Census is under way as workers have begun verifying the addresses of households across the country. Eventually, more than 140,000 U.S. Census workers will count every person in the United States and will gather information about every person living at each address including name, age, gender, race, and other relevant data.

The big question is - how do you tell the difference between a U.S. Census worker and a con artist? BBB offers the following advice:

**If a U.S. Census worker knocks on your door, they will have a badge, a handheld device, a Census Bureau canvas bag, and a confidentiality notice. Ask to see their identification and their badge before answering their questions. However, you should never invite anyone you don't know into your home.

**Census workers are currently only knocking on doors to verify address information. Do not give your Social Security number, credit card or banking information to anyone, even if they claim they need it for the U.S. Census.

REMEMBER, NO MATTER WHAT THEY ASK, YOU REALLY ONLY NEED TO TELL THEM HOW MANY PEOPLE LIVE AT YOUR ADDRESS.

While the Census Bureau might ask for basic financial information, such as a salary range, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION. The Census Bureau will not ask for Social Security, bank account, or credit card numbers, nor will employees solicit donations. Any one asking for that information is NOT with the Census Bureau.

AND REMEMBER, THE CENSUS BUREAU HAS DECIDED NOT TO WORK WITH ACORN ON GATHERING THIS INFORMATION. No Acorn worker should approach you saying he/she is with the Census Bureau.

Eventually, Census workers may contact you by telephone, mail, or in person at home. However, the Census Bureau will not contact you by E-mail, so be on the lookout for E-mail scams impersonating the Census.

Never click on a link or open any attachments in an E-mail that are supposedly from the U.S. Census Bureau.

PLEASE SHARE THIS INFORMATION WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

http://www.snopes.com/fraud/identity/census.asp

UPDATE SARAH DAVIS - MISSING PERSON

Time: 1-4-2010

Case #: 10-96-000031

Location: Berlin, MD

Victim: Sarah Marie Davis-25 years old, Newark, MD

Narrative:

Sarah Marie Davis was reported missing on 1-2-2010 by a family member.

On 1-4-2010, Troopers from the Maryland State Police Berlin Barrack responded to the area of Mason Road, Berlin, Worcester Co., MD where they located the subject without incident.

Ms. Davis was located after Troopers followed up on calls that Davis was making to family members.

Ms. Davis did advise that she knew she was featured on the local news, however made no efforts to contact the Police. No reason was given for this.

CASE CLOSED