‘Birds Remain in First Place in Northern Division
Salisbury, Md. – The Delmarva Shorebirds mounted a rally in the ninth inning but fell short, 8-6, in game two of the series against the Hagerstown Suns. The series is now tied at one heading into game three on Monday at 6:35 p.m.
The Shorebirds jumped out to a lead in the top of the third inning. Steve Bumbry opened the frame with a single to left field. After moving to second on a ground out, Bumbry scored on a double to give the ‘Birds a 1-0 lead. Two batters later, Ty Kelly singled up the middle and Soriano threw wild to first to score Rosa. With Rosa at second, Brian Conley hit an RBI single to right field to stretch the lead to 3-0.
The Suns roared back with five runs in the third against Shorebirds starter Matt Hobgood. Sandy Leon started the rally with a walk. Eury Perez then was hit by a pitch on his lower back. A double steal put both runners into scoring position. Then, Francisco Soriano bounced out to second to drive home Leon. Sean Nicol followed with a single to score Perez. The next two batters singled to load the bases. Matt Hobgood then tossed two wild pitches to score Nicol and Steven Souza. Destin Hood also hit an RBI single to plate Justin Bloxom to push the lead to 5-3.
The Suns plated one run in the fifth and two in the seventh to build an 8-3 lead.
The Shorebirds fought back in the late innings. Ty Kelly hit a one out solo homer over the right-center field wall to trim the lead to 8-4.
In the ninth, Mikey Planeta hit a one out single to right field. After stealing second, Michael Ohlman blasted a double off the center field wall to score Planeta, which cut the deficit to 8-5. Garabez Rosa followed with a double to deep left field to score Ohlman and get within two runs. Dean Weaver put an end to the rally by striking out T.J. Baxter.
Orioles first rounder Matt Hobgood was pinned with the loss in five innings. He allowed six hits and six runs. Glenn Gibson earned the win in two innings of relief.
The Shorebirds play game three of the series on Monday night at 6:35 p.m.
DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Crisfield Condo Auction A Flop
Today, 36 Condos went up on the auction block where the Auctioneer sold the property owner a bill of goods, once again.
All too often some of the more questionable Auction Companies tell these property owners what they want to hear and create these absolute auctions where out of 36 condos were guaranteed to sell for a minimum bid. One absolute sale was the biggest unit that had retailed for $750,000.00 and sold today for $260,000.00. Not an auction company I'd like to do business with, that's for sure.
We're told there were only 75 people at the auction, similar numbers to pretty much every auction this company seems to bring. However, just weeks ago Doug Marshall from Marshall Auctions brought almost 300 people to a massive sale in Ocean City and sold every single unit. The same auction company that was in Crisfield also attempted to sell similar condos on that very same day, 75 people showed up and nothing was sold.
While I firmly believe auction companies have a special niche in a tough marketplace, hiring companies that are all talk and no auction, (lol) is something every one should be more careful of. These companies are hurting the reputation of the more solid companies, yet the MSM is too afraid of lawsuits to tell the general public the truth. Or perhaps they consider posts like this more opinionated.
No matter what is said, the economy clearly sucks when $300,000.00 condos are selling for less than $100,000.00. Oh, get this too. These units that sold for less than $100,000.00 have a yearly tax of around $6,000.00 a year, IN CRISFIELD! Its no wonder people refused to pony up any kind of money. Look, I like Crisfield but you'd have to be absolutely NUTS to pay $6,000.00 a year in taxes in the middle of nowhere. That's one key reason I refused to even attend or participate.
Rather than saying better luck next time I'll simply say, next time hire Doug Marshall where everyone walks away happy.
UPDATE: Whoops, Doug Marshall had some 550 people attend the OC Auction. Here's the video to prove it too.
All too often some of the more questionable Auction Companies tell these property owners what they want to hear and create these absolute auctions where out of 36 condos were guaranteed to sell for a minimum bid. One absolute sale was the biggest unit that had retailed for $750,000.00 and sold today for $260,000.00. Not an auction company I'd like to do business with, that's for sure.
We're told there were only 75 people at the auction, similar numbers to pretty much every auction this company seems to bring. However, just weeks ago Doug Marshall from Marshall Auctions brought almost 300 people to a massive sale in Ocean City and sold every single unit. The same auction company that was in Crisfield also attempted to sell similar condos on that very same day, 75 people showed up and nothing was sold.
While I firmly believe auction companies have a special niche in a tough marketplace, hiring companies that are all talk and no auction, (lol) is something every one should be more careful of. These companies are hurting the reputation of the more solid companies, yet the MSM is too afraid of lawsuits to tell the general public the truth. Or perhaps they consider posts like this more opinionated.
No matter what is said, the economy clearly sucks when $300,000.00 condos are selling for less than $100,000.00. Oh, get this too. These units that sold for less than $100,000.00 have a yearly tax of around $6,000.00 a year, IN CRISFIELD! Its no wonder people refused to pony up any kind of money. Look, I like Crisfield but you'd have to be absolutely NUTS to pay $6,000.00 a year in taxes in the middle of nowhere. That's one key reason I refused to even attend or participate.
Rather than saying better luck next time I'll simply say, next time hire Doug Marshall where everyone walks away happy.
UPDATE: Whoops, Doug Marshall had some 550 people attend the OC Auction. Here's the video to prove it too.
Vote For My Dog-- Bonnie!
I settled into a Sunday ritual that I've not been able to for a while -- read the Sunday paper (Star Democrat). And, there it was, "Uncontested Ridgely Election"; "I like being a good commissioner"?????
Whoa!!! "Good commissioner"???Ms. Epperly- Glover has the brownest nose of all the former town manager's party. "Yes" was her middle name as she handed Mr. Mangini all he wanted budget wise. The people of Ridgely are going to pay for her votes for a long time. The only good thing I can say, she's good at playing following the leader. Sometimes this can help the town. First, she followed Nancy Gearhart's lead for a few months after she was elected. Now, she is a soldier for Dale Mumford, which isn't a bad thing. HOWEVER, let's not forget what happened in between. Here we must confront the $1.5 million question and all it means to the town. Therefore, I propose that my dog, Bonnie, a lifelong Ridgely resident, be written in for commissioner tomorrow. She knows more about the town than can be printed here. She certainly hasn't hurt Ridgely. And, she likes Dale too. She will vote the right way. Voting for her means that you won't be rewarding one of the main architects of Ridgely's current financial fiasco!
Vote Bonnie Dog Gearhart!
Source
Whoa!!! "Good commissioner"???Ms. Epperly- Glover has the brownest nose of all the former town manager's party. "Yes" was her middle name as she handed Mr. Mangini all he wanted budget wise. The people of Ridgely are going to pay for her votes for a long time. The only good thing I can say, she's good at playing following the leader. Sometimes this can help the town. First, she followed Nancy Gearhart's lead for a few months after she was elected. Now, she is a soldier for Dale Mumford, which isn't a bad thing. HOWEVER, let's not forget what happened in between. Here we must confront the $1.5 million question and all it means to the town. Therefore, I propose that my dog, Bonnie, a lifelong Ridgely resident, be written in for commissioner tomorrow. She knows more about the town than can be printed here. She certainly hasn't hurt Ridgely. And, she likes Dale too. She will vote the right way. Voting for her means that you won't be rewarding one of the main architects of Ridgely's current financial fiasco!
Vote Bonnie Dog Gearhart!
Source
Dog Found In Parsonsburg
My friend has a dog thats been hanging around her house this week (area is Bob Smith Rd in Parsonsburg). He looks to be 1-2 years old & not properly cared for. She said "I hope no one claims him because he is so scared and starved! You can feel his ribs! If no one claims him we'll take him to the shelter and if he doesn't get adopted we're keeping him!"
Contact Nicole 410.251.6651
Tanker Over Turns In Hebron
Hi Joe,
Hebron fire department on scene of a over turned tanker behind Royal Farms on US 50.
We where told the trailer was dropped off yesterday and park next to the curb. One one the front jacks broke thru the concrete causing the tanker to over turn. It is said to be filled with vegetable oil. They are trying to locate the driver and the tractor that dropped it off.
Larry Murphy
Wheels That Heal Car Club Raised $1,000.00 Yesterday
We raised $1000 yesterday (Saturday) at the Salisbury Festival Car Show for the Westside Challengers Little League team. These are handicapped children who get to play on a little league team. Thanks to everyone who came out to support our efforts in spite of the weather forecast.
Update on Barbara Mixter, co-founder of the Wheels That Heal Car Club, and wife of Steve Mixter, President and co-founder of the Wheels That Heal Car Club. Barbara is now at Fairfax Hospital in Virginia where her transplant doctors are, for treatment of this most recent set-back in her condition. Steve and Barbara do not like the lime light shown on them personally, but they are the glue that keeps our club focused and together. Please add Barbara and Steve to your prayers and prayer chains. They are sincere and very kind people of our community.
Sincerely,
Lynn Wiltbank
Update on Barbara Mixter, co-founder of the Wheels That Heal Car Club, and wife of Steve Mixter, President and co-founder of the Wheels That Heal Car Club. Barbara is now at Fairfax Hospital in Virginia where her transplant doctors are, for treatment of this most recent set-back in her condition. Steve and Barbara do not like the lime light shown on them personally, but they are the glue that keeps our club focused and together. Please add Barbara and Steve to your prayers and prayer chains. They are sincere and very kind people of our community.
Sincerely,
Lynn Wiltbank
Wheels That Heal Car Club
Publicity Committee
Lost Dog
Joe,
This ENORMOUS black lab is wandering around Bridgewood Estates. He is super nice and we are feeding him. He has no collar, but it looks like he had one on recently. I have had labs my whole life, and this one is huge.
mldemarco421@gmail.com or 443-373-1859
Thefts From Irrigation Systems
State Police Warns About Copper Thefts from Irrigation Systems
Resume: Note to the media… two additional reports were taken on Saturday, April 24th for copper thefts from irrigation systems. One report was taken in Seaford and another in Ellendale.
The public is reminded to stay alert as these types of thefts are ongoing.
Resume: Note to the media… two additional reports were taken on Saturday, April 24th for copper thefts from irrigation systems. One report was taken in Seaford and another in Ellendale.
The public is reminded to stay alert as these types of thefts are ongoing.
Why Legal Guns Still Cause Arrests-- Hysteria?
James Goldberg of Glastonbury, Conn., recently was arrested for carrying a firearm at his neighborhood Chili's restaurant, and his release because his actions were legal has sparked a major debate over the Second Amendment.
But the legislative director for the Massachusetts Gun Owners Action League, Jim Wallace, contends the case is evidence of the successful work of gun opponents in demonizing the hardware itself, using fear to crack down on a legal activity.
"I am not quite sure what the hysteria is about people carrying anything," Wallace said.
"If police officers carry openly, is the general public scared? They shouldn't be. Nor should they be scared if their fellow citizens are doing the same thing. The problem is the irrational stigma, probably created by the media, about guns themselves," Wallace said.
"What the gun opponents are fostering is a basic mistrust of their fellow citizens," Wallace said. "I've asked students at forums what they don't trust about the person next to them. They usually answer, 'I trust him, he's my friend.'
"Then I usually say, 'So what's the problem?' If you trust him, there shouldn't be a problem," Wallace said.
Goldberg was released because under the provisions of the Connecticut firearms permit law, he was carrying legally.
Connecticut is one of 13 states that allow open carry with restrictions. According to The Free Library, others are Utah, North Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, Tennessee, Mississippi, Georgia, Indiana, Maryland, New Jersey, Rhode Island and Massachusetts.
States that offer open carry without licenses or restrictions are Alaska, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, South Dakota, Vermont, Kentucky and Virginia.
While all states have their own variations of rules and regulations, Second Amendment advocates say the Goldberg case is a worrisome indicator.
Connecticut Citizens Defense League President Scott Wilson said that while the Chili's employees may have been well-intentioned, the greater issue was ignorance of the law.
Read More Here.
But the legislative director for the Massachusetts Gun Owners Action League, Jim Wallace, contends the case is evidence of the successful work of gun opponents in demonizing the hardware itself, using fear to crack down on a legal activity.
"I am not quite sure what the hysteria is about people carrying anything," Wallace said.
"If police officers carry openly, is the general public scared? They shouldn't be. Nor should they be scared if their fellow citizens are doing the same thing. The problem is the irrational stigma, probably created by the media, about guns themselves," Wallace said.
"What the gun opponents are fostering is a basic mistrust of their fellow citizens," Wallace said. "I've asked students at forums what they don't trust about the person next to them. They usually answer, 'I trust him, he's my friend.'
"Then I usually say, 'So what's the problem?' If you trust him, there shouldn't be a problem," Wallace said.
Goldberg was released because under the provisions of the Connecticut firearms permit law, he was carrying legally.
Connecticut is one of 13 states that allow open carry with restrictions. According to The Free Library, others are Utah, North Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, Tennessee, Mississippi, Georgia, Indiana, Maryland, New Jersey, Rhode Island and Massachusetts.
States that offer open carry without licenses or restrictions are Alaska, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, South Dakota, Vermont, Kentucky and Virginia.
While all states have their own variations of rules and regulations, Second Amendment advocates say the Goldberg case is a worrisome indicator.
Connecticut Citizens Defense League President Scott Wilson said that while the Chili's employees may have been well-intentioned, the greater issue was ignorance of the law.
Read More Here.
70% Of Arizona Voters Favor New State Measure Cracking Down On Illegal Immigration
The Arizona legislature has now passed the toughest measure against illegal immigration in the country, authorizing local police to stop and check the immigration status of anyone they suspect of being in the country illegally.
A new Rasmussen Reports telephone survey finds that 70% of likely voters in Arizona approve of the legislation, while just 23% oppose it.
Opponents of the measure, including major national Hispanic groups, say it will lead to racial profiling, and 53% of voters in the state are concerned that efforts to identify and deport illegal immigrants also will end up violating the civil rights of some U.S. citizens. Forty-six percent (46%) don’t share that concern
Those figures include 23% who are very concerned and 18% who are not at all concerned.
Civil rights concerns were a bit higher last year. following a series of aggressive enforcement actions by the Maricopa County Sherriff.
Eighty-three percent (83%) of Arizona voters say a candidate's position on immigration is an important factor in how they will vote, including 51% who say it’s very important.
The measure is already having an impact on this year’s Senate and governor races in the state.
Senator John McCain, who is facing a serious Republican Primary challenge this year in part over his involvement in developing immigration reform legislation, on Monday endorsed the new state law. McCain now earns just 47% support to challenger J.D. Hayworth’s 42% in Arizona’s hotly contested GOP Senate Primary race.
Here's more
A new Rasmussen Reports telephone survey finds that 70% of likely voters in Arizona approve of the legislation, while just 23% oppose it.
Opponents of the measure, including major national Hispanic groups, say it will lead to racial profiling, and 53% of voters in the state are concerned that efforts to identify and deport illegal immigrants also will end up violating the civil rights of some U.S. citizens. Forty-six percent (46%) don’t share that concern
Those figures include 23% who are very concerned and 18% who are not at all concerned.
Civil rights concerns were a bit higher last year. following a series of aggressive enforcement actions by the Maricopa County Sherriff.
Eighty-three percent (83%) of Arizona voters say a candidate's position on immigration is an important factor in how they will vote, including 51% who say it’s very important.
The measure is already having an impact on this year’s Senate and governor races in the state.
Senator John McCain, who is facing a serious Republican Primary challenge this year in part over his involvement in developing immigration reform legislation, on Monday endorsed the new state law. McCain now earns just 47% support to challenger J.D. Hayworth’s 42% in Arizona’s hotly contested GOP Senate Primary race.
Here's more
SU MENS’ LACROSSE LOSES 1ST GAME IN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
Third Time a Charm for Stevenson on Saturday
It was exactly the type of game you'd expect to see played when two of the best teams in Division III lacrosse meet up. The Capital Athletic Conference championship game between top-ranked Salisbury and third-ranked Stevenson was no exception. In a back-and-forth battle that was tied on four separate occasions, the Mustangs clung to a four-goal lead to take home their first CAC title. The final score of the contest was 10-6.
It took 8:18 for a team to score in the first quarter, but the Sea Gulls (17-1) were eventually the first team to get on the board as senior attack Jake DeLillo (Yorktown Heights, N.Y.) ripped a shot off of an assist from senior midfielder Mike Von Kamecke (Winter Park, Fla.). Von Kamecke dished out the assist for the next score, as well, as sophomore attack Matt Cannone (Bayport, N.Y.) capitalized on an extra-man opportunity to give the maroon and gold a 2-0 edge.
Utilizing an extra-man opportunity of their own, the Mustangs (16-1) evened things up at two apiece with 14:13 left to play in the second quarter. Salisbury would net two more goals to take a 4-2 lead, but Stevenson quickly answered back with two scores to knot the game up at four apiece going into halftime. Salisbury held a narrow edge on shots in the first half, outshooting Stevenson 21-19. Both teams' excellent defense undoubtedly contributed to the low first-half score.
Salisbury scored its fifth goal of the game just 51 seconds into the third quarter as senior attack Mike Winter (Port Washington, N.Y.) netted an unassisted goal; the Mustangs would answer back within two minutes to once again tie up the contest. With 12:01 left on the clock in the third quarter, Stevenson's Dave Cougler would give the Mustangs their first lead of the game as his shot found its way past junior goalkeeper Johnny Rodriguez (Gambrills, Md.).
That 6-5 Stevenson advantage would carry over into the fourth quarter, but it wouldn't last long. Cannone bounced a shot past Mustang goalkeeper Geoff Hebert (13 saves) with 12:38 left to play in the game to tie the contest up at six apiece. Just over four minutes later, Stevenson would regain its one-goal lead as Kyle Moffitt snuck a shot past Rodriguez. Less than one minute later, the Mustangs would strike again to take an 8-6 lead over the Sea Gulls. From that point on, Salisbury was unable to regain possession for long enough to strike back. Rodriguez finished with 16 saves.
The loss ties up the season series between the Gulls and Mustangs at one apiece; back on April 3, Salisbury defeated Stevenson 16-10.
For the first time in the 16-year history of the CAC Men's Lacrosse Championship, there is a new champion. The third time proved to be the charm as the Mustangs had lost the last two-straight CAC championship games against the Sea Gulls in 2008 and 2009.
Stevenson has also won three of the last five meetings with Salisbury, including the last two at Sea Gull Stadium after the team snapped the Sea Gulls' 105-game CAC unbeaten streak with a 12-8 victory on Apr. 4, 2009.
The Sea Gulls' next contest will be at home, on Saturday, May 8, against Washington (Md.) College in the annual Charles B. Clark Cup game. The contest will begin at 1:00 p.m.
Source: Laxpower.com
It was exactly the type of game you'd expect to see played when two of the best teams in Division III lacrosse meet up. The Capital Athletic Conference championship game between top-ranked Salisbury and third-ranked Stevenson was no exception. In a back-and-forth battle that was tied on four separate occasions, the Mustangs clung to a four-goal lead to take home their first CAC title. The final score of the contest was 10-6.
It took 8:18 for a team to score in the first quarter, but the Sea Gulls (17-1) were eventually the first team to get on the board as senior attack Jake DeLillo (Yorktown Heights, N.Y.) ripped a shot off of an assist from senior midfielder Mike Von Kamecke (Winter Park, Fla.). Von Kamecke dished out the assist for the next score, as well, as sophomore attack Matt Cannone (Bayport, N.Y.) capitalized on an extra-man opportunity to give the maroon and gold a 2-0 edge.
Utilizing an extra-man opportunity of their own, the Mustangs (16-1) evened things up at two apiece with 14:13 left to play in the second quarter. Salisbury would net two more goals to take a 4-2 lead, but Stevenson quickly answered back with two scores to knot the game up at four apiece going into halftime. Salisbury held a narrow edge on shots in the first half, outshooting Stevenson 21-19. Both teams' excellent defense undoubtedly contributed to the low first-half score.
Salisbury scored its fifth goal of the game just 51 seconds into the third quarter as senior attack Mike Winter (Port Washington, N.Y.) netted an unassisted goal; the Mustangs would answer back within two minutes to once again tie up the contest. With 12:01 left on the clock in the third quarter, Stevenson's Dave Cougler would give the Mustangs their first lead of the game as his shot found its way past junior goalkeeper Johnny Rodriguez (Gambrills, Md.).
That 6-5 Stevenson advantage would carry over into the fourth quarter, but it wouldn't last long. Cannone bounced a shot past Mustang goalkeeper Geoff Hebert (13 saves) with 12:38 left to play in the game to tie the contest up at six apiece. Just over four minutes later, Stevenson would regain its one-goal lead as Kyle Moffitt snuck a shot past Rodriguez. Less than one minute later, the Mustangs would strike again to take an 8-6 lead over the Sea Gulls. From that point on, Salisbury was unable to regain possession for long enough to strike back. Rodriguez finished with 16 saves.
The loss ties up the season series between the Gulls and Mustangs at one apiece; back on April 3, Salisbury defeated Stevenson 16-10.
For the first time in the 16-year history of the CAC Men's Lacrosse Championship, there is a new champion. The third time proved to be the charm as the Mustangs had lost the last two-straight CAC championship games against the Sea Gulls in 2008 and 2009.
Stevenson has also won three of the last five meetings with Salisbury, including the last two at Sea Gull Stadium after the team snapped the Sea Gulls' 105-game CAC unbeaten streak with a 12-8 victory on Apr. 4, 2009.
The Sea Gulls' next contest will be at home, on Saturday, May 8, against Washington (Md.) College in the annual Charles B. Clark Cup game. The contest will begin at 1:00 p.m.
Source: Laxpower.com
You Know You're Getting Old When....
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your back goes out more than you do.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You start video taping daytime game shows.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they've been on your head all the time.
You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
Happy hour is a nap.
You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You got cable for the weather channel. Old Folks MTV!
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
You don't remember being absentminded.
You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.
You tip more and carry less.
You read more and remember less.
You get propositioned by AARP.
Younger women start opening doors for you.
You begin to become invisible in the dating and mating game.
The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don't give you a ticket.
You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.
You are no longer 'promising'.
Younger men ask you for advice.
You work on your short game.
Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
Youthful indiscretions harden into bad habits.
You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.
Your medical expenses go up 50%.
A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.
You learn where your prostrate is.
You develop a knack for wearing hats.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your back goes out more than you do.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You start video taping daytime game shows.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they've been on your head all the time.
You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
Happy hour is a nap.
You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You got cable for the weather channel. Old Folks MTV!
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
You don't remember being absentminded.
You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.
You tip more and carry less.
You read more and remember less.
You get propositioned by AARP.
Younger women start opening doors for you.
You begin to become invisible in the dating and mating game.
The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don't give you a ticket.
You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.
You are no longer 'promising'.
Younger men ask you for advice.
You work on your short game.
Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
Youthful indiscretions harden into bad habits.
You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.
Your medical expenses go up 50%.
A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.
You learn where your prostrate is.
You develop a knack for wearing hats.
Stroll With Me....
Stroll with me.... close your eyes.... and go back... before the Internet... before bombings, aids, before semiautomatics and crack... before SEGA or Super Nintendo ... way back! I'm talking about sitting on the curb, sitting on the stoop...about hide-and-go-seek; Simon Says and red-light-green-light. Lunch boxes with a thermos ... chocolate milk, going home for lunch, penny candy from the store, hopscotch, butterscotch, skates with keys, jacks and Cracker Jacks, hula hoops and sunflower seeds, wax lips and mustaches, Mary Jane's, saddle shoes and Coke bottles with the names of cities on the bottom.Remember --
When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.
When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids arrived home from school.
When nobody owned a purebred dog.
When a quarter was a decent allowance.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done everyday and wore high heels.
Running through the sprinkler, circle pins, bobby pins, Mickey Mouse Club, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Kookla, Fran & Ollie, Spin & Marty...Dick Clark's American Bandstand ... all in black and white and your Mom made you turn it off when a storm came.
When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere.
Climbing trees, making forts, backyard shows, lemonade stands, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, staring at clouds, jumping on the bed, pillow fights,ribbon candy, angel hair on the Christmas tree, Jackie Gleason, white gloves, walking to the movie theater, running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your stomach hurt...remember that?
Not stepping on a crack or you'd break your mother's back ... paper-chains at Christmas, silhouettes of Lincoln and Washington, the smells of school, of paste and Evening in Paris.
What about the girl who dotted her i's with hearts? (that was before that stupid smiley face)!
The Stroll, popcorn balls and sock hops?
Remember when there were just two types of sneakers for girls and boys - Keds and PF Flyers, and the only time you wore them at school was for gym. And the girls had those ugly gym uniforms.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking -- all for free -- every time! And, you didn't pay for air either, and you got trading stamps to boot!
When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
When the worst thing you could do at school was flunk a test or chew gum.And the prom was in the gym or the lunchroom and you danced to a real orchestra.
When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed -- and did!
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home. Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was so much greater than the threat.
Remember when a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car -- used to cruise, peel out, lay rubber, scratch off or watch the submarine races?
When people went steady; and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped Band-Aids, dental floss, or yarn coated with pastel-frost nail polish so it would fit their finger.
When no one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the car and house doors were never locked!
Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a..." And playing baseball with no adults needed to enforce the rules of the game.
Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals, because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger.
And, with all our progress, don't you just wish, that just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace...and share it with the children of today?
Women Power
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause. Train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning.
We have nothing to lose. We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain. I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning.
We have nothing to lose. We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain. I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!
Men, Everything You Wanted To Know About Being A Good Mate
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.
Simple Duties:
You make the bed...................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows............0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........-1
You leave the toilet seat up.......................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...........-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the downstairs bathroom...... -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...........+5
At midnight........................................+8
In the snow.......................................+12
But return with beer...............................-5
An hour later.....................................-15
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something......+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....................+10
It's her pet......................................-10
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party...............0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.........-2
Named Tiffany......................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer ................................-6
Tiffany has implants...............................-8
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner.................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night ............................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team............-10
A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal..................................-5
The pal is not happily married.........................-4
Or frighteningly single............................-7
And he drives a Mustang...........................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED).....-15
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie............................+2
You take her to a movie she likes ..................+4
You take her to a movie you hate...................+6
You take her to a movie you like...................-2
It's called Death Cop 3.............................-3
Which features cyborgs that eat humans ............-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15
Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly.................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it........+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...............-30
You say "It doesn't matter, you have one too".............-800
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?".
You hesitate in responding............................-10
You reply, "Where?"...................................-35
Any other response................................-20
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression........0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.......+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV......+100
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..................-200
Simple Duties:
You make the bed...................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows............0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........-1
You leave the toilet seat up.......................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...........-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the downstairs bathroom...... -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...........+5
At midnight........................................+8
In the snow.......................................+12
But return with beer...............................-5
An hour later.....................................-15
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something......+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....................+10
It's her pet......................................-10
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party...............0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.........-2
Named Tiffany......................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer ................................-6
Tiffany has implants...............................-8
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner.................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night ............................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team............-10
A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal..................................-5
The pal is not happily married.........................-4
Or frighteningly single............................-7
And he drives a Mustang...........................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED).....-15
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie............................+2
You take her to a movie she likes ..................+4
You take her to a movie you hate...................+6
You take her to a movie you like...................-2
It's called Death Cop 3.............................-3
Which features cyborgs that eat humans ............-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15
Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly.................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it........+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...............-30
You say "It doesn't matter, you have one too".............-800
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?".
You hesitate in responding............................-10
You reply, "Where?"...................................-35
Any other response................................-20
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression........0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.......+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV......+100
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..................-200
SHOREBIRDS BLAST SUNS IN SERIES OPENER, 9-3
‘Birds Plate Six Runs in the Third Inning
Salisbury, Md. – The Delmarva Shorebirds plated six runs in the third inning and cruised to a 9-3 win at Municipal Stadium to open the four-game series on Saturday night. The Shorebirds plated six runs in the sixth inning to pull away from the Suns. The Shorebirds are now 2-3 against the Suns this season.
Hagerstown scored the first run of the night in the bottom of the first. Francisco Soriano reached on an error by shortstop Garabez Rosa. He was sacrificed to second base on a bunt by Sean Nicol. Two batters later, Justin Bloxom connected on a double down the left field to score Soriano.
The Shorebirds ripped apart Hagerstown starter Josh Smoker in the third. Rosa jump started the frame with a single. Two batters later, Gary Helmick doubled to left center to put runners at second and third. Mikey Planeta then walked to load the bases. Smoker also walked Tyler Kolodny to force in Rosa and tie the game at 1-1. Then, Tyler Stampone belted a bases clearing double to right-center field to give the ‘Birds a 4-1 lead. Two batters later, Luis Bernardo hit a two run double to left-center field to give the Shorebirds a 6-1 lead.
The Shorebirds proceeded to score one in the fifth, one in the seventh and one in the eighth.
Jake Cowan improved to 2-0 on the year in six stellar innings. He allowed two earned runs on six hits and struck out a season high eight batters. Jake Smith tossed two scoreless innings and James Brandhorst pitched a scoreless ninth inning.
The Shorebirds play the Hagerstown Suns on Sunday afternoon at 2:05 p.m.
Salisbury, Md. – The Delmarva Shorebirds plated six runs in the third inning and cruised to a 9-3 win at Municipal Stadium to open the four-game series on Saturday night. The Shorebirds plated six runs in the sixth inning to pull away from the Suns. The Shorebirds are now 2-3 against the Suns this season.
Hagerstown scored the first run of the night in the bottom of the first. Francisco Soriano reached on an error by shortstop Garabez Rosa. He was sacrificed to second base on a bunt by Sean Nicol. Two batters later, Justin Bloxom connected on a double down the left field to score Soriano.
The Shorebirds ripped apart Hagerstown starter Josh Smoker in the third. Rosa jump started the frame with a single. Two batters later, Gary Helmick doubled to left center to put runners at second and third. Mikey Planeta then walked to load the bases. Smoker also walked Tyler Kolodny to force in Rosa and tie the game at 1-1. Then, Tyler Stampone belted a bases clearing double to right-center field to give the ‘Birds a 4-1 lead. Two batters later, Luis Bernardo hit a two run double to left-center field to give the Shorebirds a 6-1 lead.
The Shorebirds proceeded to score one in the fifth, one in the seventh and one in the eighth.
Jake Cowan improved to 2-0 on the year in six stellar innings. He allowed two earned runs on six hits and struck out a season high eight batters. Jake Smith tossed two scoreless innings and James Brandhorst pitched a scoreless ninth inning.
The Shorebirds play the Hagerstown Suns on Sunday afternoon at 2:05 p.m.
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