"I have just recently started reading your blog. So I don't know if you have ever addressed this subject or not...I really enjoy the blog....
I am very frustrated and I know other people in a similar position. My elderly father, 89, lives in Salisbury in his own home. I live in Salibury with my husband. We have a small home and so does "dad" therefore, moving in with each other is not an option.
Not to mention "dad" likes to keep the temp. around 80 - 85 F and I would never be able to stand it that hot. I start sweating as soon as i get to his house. But it's his right to have the house the temp. he likes it. He also gets up very early, goes to bed very early and eats dinner around 4:30 p.m. Not our household schedule for sure.
My husband and I both work full time+ and will not be eligible to retire for some years. So even if dad was at our house, we are both gone all day and into the night at times. We have a very small family, so no help there either.
Increasingly over the last year or so his mental abilities have been declining and he was diagnosed with the beginning stages of alzheimers disease. His Dr. (who is wonderful) put him on a somewhat new medicine that has made a tremendous improvement in his logical thinking and improved his short term memory.
I go to his house every day and take him his meds. to make sure he gets them. I make sure he has a decent meal also and that things are ok. He also has diabetis, high blood pressure, thyroid disfunction etc. So his meds. are very important. He has a cleaning lady who is wonderful. She comes every Monday and cleans, changes beds etc. and cooks a nice meal with left overs already plated for the next two days.
I am increasingly concerned that every day when I go there he is going to be out of it and not able to stay by himself, yet he is not in need of a nursing home. Physically he is ok. He still cuts his grass, has a garden and is in his glory when he is working in his yard. I don't want to take that away from him. He still drives, but questionable how long or if he should be much longer.....Only goes to familiar places he's been going for years.
I want to plan for his and my future.....what resources are in our county for assisted living that don't cost over $5,000/month like mallard landing? My dad is a retired postal worker and while he has sufficient income to live nicely in his own home and has good health insurance, there is no way he can afford that. Plus, as I understand it, once your money is gone you have to leave Mallard Landing? I work for the State of Maryland and cannot afford that either. John B. Parsons staff seem nice, but the rooms are small and dark and not visually appealing. Not sure about the cost there.
Can you put this issue on your blog please? What have other people in this position done/found helpful? I am very anxious and feeling overwhelmed about this...... Thanks." "Mrs. Tom".
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25 comments:
I wouldn't send my parents to John B. Parsons--i know that a little whle back nurses were stealing narcotics from the locked up supply of patients meds... What about Manokin Manor in P. Anne??
Your looking at a state run facility if you can't afford a private one. This is why one saves for retirement. My wife's grand-mother is in a state facility and we think it is very nice. We are also there twice a week checking on her. The staff knows this so there has never been an real problem. Every home has had their share of problems - depends on how much money the state has to give. Guess what - your going to be old one day - better plan for it.
Call Life Matters in Salisbury @ 410-341-0600, they offer some really great services for very reasonable rates. We use for my grandparents, and you can't really ask for a better group of caregivers that are they to assist but not take away from the elderly's sense of independence.
Have you contacted the wonderful people at the Mac Center. They might be able to answer your questions. They also run some daytime programs. The people there are wonderful and very helpful. This is a looming crisis just waiting to happen for the rest of us.
I second Life Matters. They can design a program of assisted care that meets your father's needs for far less than some place like Mallard Landing. The caregivers call from the home phone to clock in/out to ensure they arrive on time and do what they say. Jeanette works with us to schedule care, and she is one of the most courteous people that I have ever met.
Stay away from the Parsons home!
At one time they used to be very good but my grandmother was there last year and was treated very badly. I was very disapointed in the place.
There are a few options, such as in home care. You could have someone come each day to make meals, clean, etc... and it may go into 24 hour care at home. Also, you can purchase an alert system that he would wear around his neck so that if he fell etc.. he could push the button and it would notify emergency people and you. Watch out for the nursing home fees. My father in law was in there and he received his meds from the VA for free before he went in but the nursing home said he could not use the VA at the nursing home and had to pay for the meds at their price. Is that wrong or what. His cost was a little over $5000 per month. With Alzh or Demintia the problems become more difficult too. Try contacting the Alzehimers Assoc to see if they have suggetions too.
Wherever he goes, he will have to be evaluated on the level of care that he may require. If he has some level of dementia or aggressive behavior he will have to be in an area of the facility with higher care. Some suggestions for wherever he goes: visit often, make friends with the caregivers, show that you care about him, remember the staff at holidays, find support with others visiting their family. I had a good experience with Atria on route 50.
We took our loved one out of the John B Parsons also. At first they could not do enough,but as time went on the care started to decline rapidly. She would go days with no bath,teeth not brushed. I quit my job and she came home with us and will be with us until the end.
Companion Home Care of The Eastern Shore is another great option. They are a non-medical homecare company that is similar to LifeMatters. We have dealt with several other agencies in the local area, but Companion Home Care is by far the best company we have dealt with. We have never used LifeMatters, so do not have any opinion on them. The owner, Jenna, of Companion Home Care is very hands on and communicates with us and the caregivers daily. They also seemed to have the most reasonable rates that we found. We heard about them from friends at church. I am not positive, but I believe there website is www.mycompanionhomecare.com , but I know there phone # is 443-880-8453
Best of luck with your father
Mrs. Tom, I work in assisted living and it is not cheap, some have bottomless pockets and don't blink an eye at the cost. In some cases a nursing home is even more expensive. I would suggest looking into adult day care, maybe try ShoreUp first. Even talk to a social worker who may have some better idea's.
Hope this helps you out. "PS" Mallard Landing also accepts Medicaid, my brother is there, I'd rather he stayed where I work so I could see him everyday, however we don't take Medicaid. Without Mallard taking Medicaid, sadly to say my brother would possibly wound up a ward of the state. Now he's enjoying his retirement after a stroke 4 years ago.
I wouldn't be plugging our competition if I really didn't think they do a good job, I eat there also when I can, good food.
Contact your county Adult Evaluation and Review Services program. (Wicomico County 410-543-6938.)
The goal of this referral program is to keep residents at home with services.
A nurse will visit your father in his home and recommend and refer to any services he may qualify for. Also consider Adult medical day care.
Good luck. Your father is lucky to have someone care so much for him.
The nursing homes in this area use
the rejected CNAs. They have been fired from most credited hospitals. They steal and treat the patients bad.They may have 1 RN
on duty during the day. I know many people who have had bad experiences with Manokin and
Parsons , also Wicomico etc.
Thank you all for the good advice, I am going to check out these new options!
Mrs. Tom
Joe, thank you for this post. There are many of us who are facing the same things and, while I don't live in the area so it won't help me, it does give me some ideas of where to look in my area. There should be more of this on your blog (and others) and less of the name-calling and obscenities.
I think it would be cheaper to either find adult day care or a PT to FT personal assistant than it would be to go to a home,especially if he has assets and will not qualify for a Medicaid paid stay somewhere-it would still be cheaper than nursing home costs.There are good people out there who will work as personal "sitters",some who even have nursing experience-just be sure they have references and no criminal record first.Why are the CNA's so crummy everywhere?
I can see where a job like that could bring on burn-out fast. You really have to love it, it can also be very depresssing. I couldn't do it and I know it.
I know a few Saintly Angel's that have been doing CNA a long time and it takes a special person. It's also a job of high turnover and that make's it even harder on the people that do like their work. Again, the good one's are very special people.
Try to let him stay at home as long as he can w/the help of the adult services mentioned. My mom too was a resident of JBP-and they were wonderful at 1st. I went every day and it got so aside from the 2 regular medicine aides-you never saw the same cna's more than 2-3 days in a row. After a while, we just brought her home. The place was always clean-but it wasn't the same place as when she went there. I would whole heartedly recommend doing EVERYTHING within your power to keep him in his home as long as possible
the person that wrote about nurses stealing meds are probly one and the same ... OUCH!!
also everyone seems to have complaints about the nursing homes but sure dont have any intention of wanting to take care of their loved ones themselves thats 99 percent of whats wrong with the world today people and there worthless opinions GOTTI
personally i will happily live at the john b parsons home i hear they have great activities GOTTI
Mrs. Tom
I dont know how long its been since you have visited John B Parsons, but I strongly encourage you to come back for a tour. Like all assisted living facilities, we have room for improvement and we have made several huge improvements. First, the rooms have been freshly painted a much brighter, more cheerful color. Some rooms have been remodeled to include a shower. I have read your concerns and I think your father would do wonderful at Parsons. THe staff is very friendly and helpful. They pass out medicine, have laundry and housekeeping services, three home cooked meals a day in a very nice dining room, activities, and transportation services plus much more. I can go on about how great of a place I think it is but you really need to see yourself. With every business, you will sometimes have dissatisfied customers but i feel our staff is excellent! I have been there for 9 years and several employees have been there for 15+ years. I have visited past residents that have had to go to other facilities for various reasons and the staff is very unfriendly and wouldnt even acknowledge that i was even there. Plus most places have a strong urine odor and Parsons does not. I have been trying to move in for years because I would love to have someone clean, cook, and do my laundry for me!!
John B Parsons is under new management, and great strides have been made (successfully) to turn it into a hospitable, safe,healthy and even fun place to live. I can't speak for the past, but places (John B. Parsons)like people can change, and have for the better.
Mrs. Thom,
My father lives at John B. Parsons and he loves it. He has many reasons to love his new home. He stays active with the day trips and social activities going on throughout the day and evening. He has his laundry and housekeeping done daily. He enjoys three home-cooked meals a day. It is like living in a fine hotel. He really enjoys the history and character of the facility and highly compliments the staff. He is even provided transportation to his doctor's appointments. One less responsibility for me to deal with. I can visit and renew my role of daughter and not as caregiver. What a nice change. The rates are reasonable and he can comfortably live there without any financial burden. If it has been a while since you have been at John B., I encourage you to take another look. Things can and do change for the better, they just may need another chance.
My grandmother has lived at Parsons for the last 8 months and absolutely loves the people there! She said the food was great and the staff is really friendly. She said there is always something to do in Activities. She lived home by herself until she moved their and loves being around all the people. hope this helps!
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