Ramblings Of A Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today
Is those cell phones that everyone has clipped
Onto their belt or purse..

I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing
My garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid
And now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant
Before I realized that
People didn't like me anyway..

I was thinking that women
Should put pictures of
Missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and
Decided that old age is 'when
You still have something on the ball,
But you are just too tired to bounce it'

I thought about making a fitness movie
For folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease..
That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat's litter box,
They always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say,
'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask
Who is to be notified in case of an emergency.
I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was thinking about how people seem to
Read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then, it dawned on me,
They were cramming for their finals.

As for me,
I'm just hoping God
Grades on the curve.