"Joe,
I am writing this blog out of utter frustration with the Delmar School District, and I am praying that you as a Delmar resident will be willing to post this blog. Let me start by saying that I come from a long line of Delmar graduates and the two times that I have either bought and or built a home I had only one requirement, and that was it had to be in Delmar School District. With this said, if the housing market was not such a disaster, I would without a doubt put my home that I have painstakingly remodeled on the market and move to another location.
I have recently had to withdraw my son from Delmar Middle-Senior High School and enroll him in another school, because my son has been labeled a “trouble maker” for refusing to let his peers let him be the target of their cruel jokes and childish gestures. For years my son sat back and let other children treat him like a doormat and would literally trample on his emotions and his self respect. I have gone on numerous field trips with him and have actually sat back and watched this happen and have many times called the children out on this. So now for the past year and a half my son decided that he is no longer going to take the garbage that is being dished out to him and is going to start standing up for himself, well this is the biggest mistake he could have ever made he now has anger management issues (per the administration) and I have been advised to seek counseling for him which I have to help him regain the self respect that he has lost over the years of being a target of bullying. I have to be fair and also state the I realize that when my son retaliates back in his own defense that yes this is keeping the “pot stirred” so to speak, and I realize that my child is not a complete angel and has done things that are inappropriate and yes I do realize that kids will be kids and boys will be boys, but what is the stopping point? Everyone has a point where you have just taken enough, which is the point that I myself have reached. My biggest frustration is that in Delmar if your child is not a gifted athlete and or a scholar student this is going to happen and do not expect to be able to turn to the administration for help in controlling their student population because they will very quickly inform you that they cannot be the social police. I have never asked for a “body guard” to walk around with my son every minute of the school day, but rather for the administration to be fair and see that typically when a student is acting out in matters like this and this behavior only happens in school that maybe there is a serious problem within the school system. For the parents that are dealing with this very same situation that have taught your kids to not initiate a fight but also on the other hand to not take daily abuse, I feel for you because the school district will use this against you and your child will be labeled “trouble” and will have very few people that will be able to turn to that will be unbiased to the situation. I feel better and for some reason just felt that this message needs to get out there so maybe other children will not be placed in the same situation as my family has.
Thanks for allowing me to vent,
Fed up Delmar parent"
DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
39 comments:
I'm amazed - every one else is wrong and your child is the "poor little thing" who has been picked on. It's always "someone else's fault." Grow up, be a parent, act like a mature adult, have a backbone and and hold your child accountable for respectable behavior and anger management in school - even if he has been picked on!
I bet $20 there has been plenty of contributing factors at home. Where were you all the time he was being picked on? No wonder our schools have discipline problems. Too many parents want to blame other kids and the school administrators when their child gets in trouble.
Amen. One of the dirty little secrets at public and private schools is that they still let bullying go on, constantly. Once a kid gets labeled as a "troublemaker," the teachers and administration take the easy route and blame the kid for everything. And the other kids can smell blood in the water--they will pick at your son mercilessly because they want to be entertained by his eventual outburst. I am watching this happen right now to one of my friends' kid, and it is just despicable. My advice: get your kid into another school. That isn't because your kid is entirely blameless, as you acknowledge, but I am telling you they will never, never leave your kid alone at this point. Let him start fresh somewhere else.
9:07 AM What is your problem? Situations like this do happen in school. Certain kids are treated like they can do no wrong even when they are. Our schools wouldn't have so many discipline problems if they would discipline everyone equally. The admin doesn't want to go up against these bullies anymore than a child being bullied does. You sit and take crap from someone for a long period of time and see what you do. You sound like part of the problem. This parent has probably been to the school numerous times about the problem and the admin has not done a thing about it. So if you want to blame parents let's start with the parents of the bullies and maybe the scared admin that would have to deal with the bullies parents who are probably bullies themselves. This is a problem and all schools have it.
Both my children attended Delmar Elem School but I opted to send my daughter to a Salisbury School because of the very reason stated in the letter. She was picked on constantly in the elementary school by other girls who were "Delmar" born & raised, so they thought they could get away with it. My child was always the shy one and not a gifted athlete so she just didn't fit in.
My son attended Delmar High & did ok but sports in that town is something else. Delmar parents coach & control who plays. Well, as I told my son....one day you will see what happens to some of these "gifted athletes"....one boy who was so lauded as a great baseball player is in prison for robbery & another works at WaWa.
To anon 9:07, you must be from Delmar, cause people from Delmar just don't get it!!!!!
9:07-- you were obviously one of the popular kids in school that never had to worry about this. I assure you as a formerly "picked on" kid it happens all the time. Of course the school administration looks the other way or blames the "pickee". These bullies are usually the jocks and the schools just can't jeopardize that all important sports team noriety.
"This parent has probably been to the school numerous times about the problem and the admin has not done a thing about it."
Give the dates when the parent started a "Let's work together" type conversation.
Bullying is a crime and it should not be tolweated in or out of school. Your child like mine are sent there to learn and they should be safe while doing it. Bullying can take one's self esteem away and that is sometimes as bad as being beaten with a club.
I agree kids smell the weakness and will be cruel to no point at stopping. Then they wonder when a kid goes off and either kills another child or themselves.
My son deals with someone picking on him everyday and is told by the administration at East Salisbury School to ignore it and it will go away. Well it doesn't, my son doesn't want to go to school any more because of this. He has stood up for himself and I am proud of him for it, but when is it going to stop? Kids shouldn't be bullied at school. His grades went from straight A's to grades falling in some subjects. The kids doing the bullying don't seem to be getting into trouble. It really ticks me off about it. I am seriously thinking about pulling him from this school and putting him in another.
I feel for this person. Reese Bobby was bullied at the bus stop a whole generation ago (I would offer times have gotten much worse since then). I was a good kid-straight A student; others hate that (witness the responses I get here in this forum to this day). Finally, I had enough and stashed a long stick in the tree line 50 yards from my front door. When the multipe, older kids started to give me noogies and such, I pulled out the stick and hit THE BIGGEST kid in the neck with it (the difference between a 7th grade boy (me) and a 9th grade boy (him) is significant. As I continued to rain blows down on him, his little peon friends went home to cry to their mommas'. When the police showed up at my house to arrest me-they knew the real deal and used some discretion. However, I never received another wedgie again-EVER. The truth is a lot of blame needs to be cast on the classroom teachers and bus drivers who turn a blind eye to this bullying before it hits a flash point (like it did for me-or at Columbine). Make sure your child is enrolled in martial arts or emulate Fernando's boxing skills in the gym. But most imprtantly work on your child's self-esteem as well as his uppercut, so that he can learn to "brush his shoulders off" when confronted with racist bully peers (or cyber commenters). Good luck.
9:36 AM If you would read I said probably because I am not the parent of this child. I am sure this parent has been to the school many times dating way way back for the situation to be this out of control. I am sure she went in with a let's work together attitude and it ended there. As others have stated they look the other way. This happens way to often to even think they are doing their job. You sound like an administrator that just got caught. The parents of these children are probably bullies and the admin doesn't want to deal with them. Quit trying to push it under the rug with your blame for the parent whose child is picked on. Do you really think they want their child picked on? Don't you think they go in and try to work with everyone to get this problem stopped? Yes they do and it does no good. They are turned on and so is their child so you are bullied from all directions.
The teachers and administrators SHOULD be social police; it's their JOB just like parenting includes social policing/ advice. Parents can't be on the bus or in school, they should be at work, relying on the school staff to guide their children during the school day. It is their job; they're just not doing it. And it happens in all public schools I know of around here. I pay the extra and send mine to private school because they do this part of the job there.
Barry G
You are so far out of the loop, picking on kids does happen in schools and it doesn't matter what school you attend. And I also just voluntary withdrew my son for threating and bad behavior. The Delmar School distrit put up with a lot more than any other district would have tolerated and I thank them for that. Maybe you should look deeper into the situation and get to the root of the problem.
I was bullied by a few back in the 60's, little did they realize I grew to over 6' and over 200 lbs
when I entered the 10th grade. They never knew what hit them. I played football and was an athlete but I never bullied anyone unless they were the opponent in uniform.
Not all athletes are bad.
11:15. True that! Beware the scorn of late bloomers. And I want to really make that same point-athletes somehow get a bad name here. Although they can be antagonistic/competitive, at least they are involved in a group sport where they have a chance of getting it together. The real losers are the loner guys who can't understand a post pattern or a sacrifice bunt, but somehow have mastered the art of constructing pipe bombs with daddy's black powder in the basement.
My husband went to Mardela HS in the late 80's and says the first thing they did to him was try to put his head in a toilet, at least 3 other older kids. They tried but never got his head in the toilet to flush it on him and he fought like hell, after that they left him alone. Unfortunately in today's school system, all these kids would be caught and reprimanded including the victim of the bullying. This environment punishes those who stand up for themselves, who have to hit back. Remember that saying it's the one who hits back who usually gets caught. Maybe victims should be pre-emptive and strike first-in physical bullying situation. If it's name-calling and whisper campaigns, I don't know what works.
Bullying is sad and usually done by more than 1 person. Good example
"Christmas Story" but I firmly believe what comes around goes around. They will meet their match!
I think you should thank your lucky stars your kid isnt in Bennette or WI-HI. Delmars a cake walk compared to those two schools.
We also bought our house because it was in the Delmar School District. The educational opportunities are somewhat less than those at a big fancy school, but because it's a smaller and friendlier atmosphere it was better for our daughters. And, since the new principal started awhile ago, it seems to be even better.
I'm sorry that this parent isn't getting the response to their issues that would seem appropriate, and hope it is because the administration has not yet understood the gravity of this particular situation.
Let's see how fast they respond after their shortcomings are aired on the blog.
My fingers are crossed.
You know i graduated from Delmar in 04 and i really didnt have any problems. I really liked that school. But now my opinion has changed its so sad to hear about these kids being picked on. My younger brother went there and he got picked on everyday because of his weight. Im not making excuses but its cruel. They would push him down, kick him, spit on him. I mean come on what is this world coming to.My mother talked to the parents, and had meetings with teachers but nothing changed. Its just cruel. They just said to ignore it and it will go away. Now he is home schooled, i tried to tell him not to give up but he just couldn't take it anymore.
12:55. That is battery; and the spitting is just beyond not excusable...in THAT extreme of a situation I actually would actually support retaliatory measures (stay away from the head)and let a "finder of fact" pass judgment on me based on such facts. Be sure you leave a good paper trail with the school/law enforcement as I have advocated on a couple threads here today (put the ball in THEIR court...WITH TOP-SPIN). If those facts are true, that is the text book definition of a need to apply appropriate self-protection/defense measures.
1:03 I agree but the problem is where my family lives. If they say anything it just gets worse from the surrounding people. That's why they are trying to get out of there and keeping there mouth shut. You can't talk to the principle at delmar she just says we are over reacting. The abuse on buses is worse.
This is one of the oldest stories ever. Bullying has been going on since before Jesus was a kid. 90% of the kids suffer through high school, trying to stay out of the bully's crosshairs. Even at Delmar, apparently.
For the other 10% it's like a Disney movie.
You sat back on the field trip...that says it all. Get a life.
Great points are being made-and I am not excusing the violence behind Columbine or other school tragedies but all these outbursts share a common trait-the kids that were targeted for revenge were almost ALWAYS the jocks and the cheerleader-pep club types who bullied the kids they thought were "losers". As long as you have the right last name, play the right sport and all,you can get away with being a brain but everyone else is fair game.Real life high school is nothing like "High School Musical" or "Saved by the Bell".
The jocks would not have hung out with Screech like on TV-they would have tormented him until he snapped and brought nunchuks to school one day and put some poeple in the nurses office.......then HE would have been expelled.
From my observations, it isn't (maybe never was) the jocks. What is fueling the fire right now is the materialistic "bling" culture we see (encouraged for sale to ALL races) by materialistic shoe/phone/car/jewelry retailers promoted in popular tv/radio culture. If you aren't wearing the right clothes, or pimp the right ride, you are viewed as a "lesser person." It then goes downhill from here. I support youth athletics as a way to keep kids out of this mentality. When you are sweating it out to score a goal in a sports uniform, the poor and rich are dressed the same way-you can only be as strong as your weakest link...and you win or lose as a team.
You think there is less of this going on in private school?????
My child is going through a similar situation in the Seaford Middle School. Alot of her female classmates are just mean and nasty.Just last week a local police officer's son said he wanted to take her out on a date and "get her pregnant." HOW CLASSY! Ignorant people are everywhere and they are breeding and good kids have to put up with their trashy offspring. I have finally found a few good books to read on bullying and this is helping our situation and helping my daughter to stand up for herself. Everything started when her social studies class was studying the election. My daughter was only two of twenty five kids who said they would vote for McCain because of our conservative values.Of course, she was labeled a racist as the majority of her classmates are minorities and Obama supporters. As a result she has had kids she doesn't even know calling her racist and threatning her. It has finally calmed down and now there are other issues involving more girly cattiness. We have finally come to realize that there will always be those people out there who want to tease and pick about something.We have to give our kids the tools to deal with it. I will say that the school has been supportive even having the main bully spend the day with the resource police officer in the school to help her see the error of her ways. It is important though to keep making our schools accountable to provide an atmosphere that is conducive to learning. To answer the private school setting question...yes, it is bad in private schools as well as we have witnessed it personally. Public or private school setting....fight for your child's well being because no one else will!!!!
You guys have it all wrong. You all need to recognize the real culprit here. The Boards of Education and the school Administrations are the real culprits behind the issues at hand. They are the ones setting policies that create victims by demonizing anyone who defends themselves. There have ALWAYS been bullies. There will always be bullies. The authorities in school have prohibited our children from defending themselves against aggressive acts of bullies and will in fact punish any child who strikes another in self defense. Thus, a child is being taught that they will be punished if they defend themselves. Can you imagine the frustration they feel? If you do nothing you take an ass whipping. If you defend yourself you're treated as the bad guy. This frustration will build up in some individuals until they snap . (Columbine?) They're being taught to over ride a most natural instinct. These teachers and administrators cannot be everywhere. They cannot defend every child against every act of aggression by some bully. I wouldn't want them to. Standing up for ones self is a most important lesson to learn. It's a survival skill. In most cases the only justice a bully will receive is that which another child delivers right on the spot as that bully tries to victimize an innocent person.
The right of self defense is a God given right. It is a law of nature that has extreme consequences if broken......as we can see. Do we recognize what we're seeing?
I think you should thank your lucky stars your kid isnt in Bennette or WI-HI. Delmars a cake walk compared to those two schools.
Back up that statement. Wi-Hi IS NOT Bennett. Wi-Hi is by FAR the safest of the 3 city schools. In fact, it's doing its job a little too well - it's becoming Bennett's dumping ground for those Bennett can't handle.
Do a little research into referalls for physical assaults between students and students and students and staff and come back to me when you find how much lower Wi-Hi's numbers are than Bennett or Parkside.
And I can also tell you Wi-Hi is getting a little sick of becoming Delmar's dumping ground, too. Those "poor innocent victims" at Delmar that happen to live on the MD side of the line get dumped on Wi-Hi when Delmar doesn't want to deal with them anymore.
And despite all that, Wi-Hi is STILL safer than Bennett or Parkside.
Yeah and Mardela is getting tired of getting the city school's thugs sent to our school after getting out of alternative school. Send them back!
Yeah and stop dumping alternative school thugs on Mardela. Its not fair. We have a good school. Send them back to the city schools.
My son was picked out and bullied for three years at two Dorchester County schools. The local yocal kids who's parents attended the schools as well got away with everything, hitting kicking punching tripping and plucking, while my son stood by waiting for someone to do something. He was struck in the groin not once but three times by a police officers daughter with a hockey stick and the teacher did nothing. I went to the officer himself and told him what his daughter did without cause and he laughed about it. I went to teachers, the bus driver, the administration and the Dorchester board of education I made reports about the lack of assistance which by the way all were lost (yeah right), nothing was done. Finally at the last meeting I had I told my son since you have done everything you were supposed to do and followed the procedure and they still arent doing anything, the next time someone lays a hand on you kick their ass! Well it wasn't long after that meeting I got a call that he has been arrested for second degree assault!
The bullying and abuse continued even after I attempted to have my son transferred to another school but the district refused to allow it. They dont care about our kids, they care about the track record. If you look at the stats for bullying and violence on MD school site you can see there are few if any reports made in the lower eastern shore districts. They want outsiders to see these places as safe but when it boils down to it, most incidences are covered up just like many issues on the eastern shore are. Sorry if I offend any of you but it is the truth. My son has since become a completely out of control bitter angry person and there is no doubt in my mind that Dorchester County Public Education is the leading factor and cause for him being ticked off at the world.
Lady, with all due respect. Your absolutely crazy for taking your child out of Delmar. It goes with out a doubt the best school system around. I wish you the best of luck. You won't find another like Delmar though...Salisbury School systems is a true joke.
A left jab followed by a thundering overhand right will eliminate bullying. Don't telegraph the punch but, as Nike says, just do it...and walk away.
7:38,
The problem with that (aside from the fact that often bullies travel in packs) is that with the "zero tolerance" policies in the schools, they literally say that if your kid is getting hit, he should not hit back! You will be expelled and will have the same record as the bullies who started it. Real great, administrators--don't bother with anything like trying to establish guilt, or being just in your punishments! It is so much easier just to toss out everyone.
I have a younger (16 yrs younger) brother that goes to Delmar Middle/High School who got jumped walking home from school. Although it was not at the school, he still got jumped by TWO kids who attend the school; I believe one is in 8th grade and the other is in 9th. Anyway, he was walking home and one of the kids came from behind him and punched him in the face...and like the punks they are, they ran away. This is not the first time this has happened to him; it happened to him last year when he was in 5th grade and got jumped by a 7th grader.
Now I'll admit, he has his moments but he never talks about anyone, never done anything to anyone (besides our younger brother), and helps people when he can. Anyway, our mother has talked to the administration, as one of the punks who jumped him is in one of his classes, and has even called the police (she's pressing charges to my knowledge). But the administration has done nothing about it, which ticks me off. What happened to the days when you can tell a teacher or principle about the situation, about someone being picked on and have a conference with the parents of the bully and victim to get everything resolved? I haven't been out of school that long (almost 10 yrs) and things were NEVER like this when I went to school.
I told my brother that if it ever happens again to kick their a**!! I know it's probably not the best advice but what do you do nowadays? Let them continue or stand up for yourself?
I beleive all children experience some sort of confrontation in the years of "growing up" It is called , learning to handle life on lifes terms.
My son was a black belt and attended bennett penatentury.Was cornered by one of the "gangs" that ARE there.He was not hurt but when he told me of what happened, The very next day I showed up and had a little heart to heart talk my self with these thugs.Needless to say after I put the fear of ME in them there was not any more trouble.One thing I know is that bullys are just scared kids wanting some security.And if they find less security in doing something it will end. Besides it was great to see the fear in their eyes after they found out that they were not above being hurt themselves. Treat others as you will be treated.
I have lived in Delmar most of my life, my kids attend and will always attend Delmar schools. I, however, work in the Wicomico County School District and have the oppurtunity to see all the local middle and high schools. Bullying is and always will be part of every school system. I am personally a strong advicate of "No tolerance". But let it be known that of all the middle and high schools in this area, my kids will always be a Wildcat. It is, by far, the safest among this area. I know there are flaws and we should always try and improve each and every school system but Delmar does not have near the problems that Bennett, WIHI and Parkside have. Just spend a day in each and you decide!
While I feel for your son and understand what it is to be bullied, I don't think changing schools was the answer.
You are going to have the same response if the same problem arises at any of the other schools.
Did you bother going to the parents of the kids who were bullies? Sometimes that helps. You may even have found that those parents are ones who DO care and who DO discipline their kids but they have NO clue as to what their kids are doing because nobody is telling them.
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