[A parody by the Washington Free Beacon Staff ]
In this time of global crisis and economic uncertainty, both Democrats and Republicans have been seeking to exploit the China-caused pandemic in pursuit of partisan policy objectives. Shame on them!
The Washington Free Beacon, in partnership with the David Gergen Institute for Excellence in Bipartisan Ethics and Legislative Policy Solutions (DGIEBELPS), has engineered the following economic relief proposals to rescue the American economy from the ongoing Wuhan crisis. Congress should include them as part of any legislative effort to revive the economy in these perilous times.
1) Tax Cuts Now: In an effort to provide much-needed relief for struggling hedge funds and other high-frequency traders, a permanent holiday on all capital gains taxes should be implemented immediately. In addition, back-dated subsidies should be considered for all who have suffered under the inheritance tax regime since it was wrongfully re-instituted in 2011.
2) Firearms for All: In addition to (or perhaps instead of) sending checks to all Americans, the government should consider providing complimentary firearms to all citizens, particularly the most vulnerable. As our local police forces become strained in the fight against looters and other petty criminals, regular citizens must be empowered. Firearms inequality will only be exacerbated by the crisis without strong federal action. Additionally, the Centers for Disease Control should issue new guidance on proper social distancing at gun shows.