Friday, March 17, 2017

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Q: What is out on the lawn all summer and is Irish?
A: Paddy O'Furniture


Q: What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A: A sham rock.


Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.


Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.


Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!


Q: Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold?
A: They like to "go" first class!



Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!


Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?
A: The Halfback of Notre Dame!


Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day?
A: St. O'Claus!


Q: What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A: Some poor horse is going barefoot!


Q: Do leprechauns make good secretaries?
A: Sure, they're great at shorthand!


Q: What do leprechauns love to barbecue?
A: Short ribs!


Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
A: To keep from falling in the stew!


Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?
A: He took a shortcut!


Q: What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green?
A: A Jolly Green Giant


Q: When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?
A: When it's a FRENCH fry!


Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A: Because they're very short-tempered!


Q: Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day?
A: Because they're always wearing green


Q: Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers?
A: They need all the luck they can get!


Q: What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river?
A: He gets wet!


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irish!
Irish Who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!


Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A: He couldn't afford plane fare.


Q: Why can't you iron a four-leaf clover?
A: Because you shouldn't press your luck!


Q: What type of bow cannot be tied?
A: A rainbow.


Q: Why did the elephant wear green sneakers?
A: Her red ones were in the wash!


Q: What do you call a diseased criminal?
A: A leper-con!


Q: Where can you always find gold?
A: In the dictionary!


Q: What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?

A: A rash of good luck.

Q: What did the leprechaun do for a living?
A: He was a short-order cook!


Q: What do you call a clumsy Irish dance?
A: A jig mistake!


Q: What is a nuahcerpel?
A: Leprechaun spelled backwards!


Q: What do you get when you do the Irish jig at McDonalds?
A: A Shamrock Shake.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, this is the time when the only surviving acceptable racist jokes are traded. And we Irish love it! So there!

Anonymous said...

What do you call an Irish seven course meal?

A potato and a six pack!

Anonymous said...

What is the difference between an Irish Wedding and and Irish funeral?

One less drunk!