If there’s anything this wild year in Washington has shown us, it’s that the traditional rules of politics no longer apply. After months of Republicans defying all the usual conventions of bureaucracy to win unprecedented power in government, it looks like the Democrats are finally responding in kind. According to sources, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has been dead for over three months, but Democrats have been spraying Febreze on her every day in hopes that no one else notices she’s no longer alive.
Well played, Dems. Well played.
One of just four reliably liberal jurists on the court, Ginsburg is key to maintaining a bipartisan balance in federal law, and Democrats are showing that they won’t let her death diminish any of her influence over policy. Spritzing her corpse up real good with Febreze every morning and taping her eyes open in a lifelike expression, left-wingers from all over Washington have been pitching in to give the now-deceased justice the appearance of sentience so as not to forfeit her seat to a conservative appointment.
“She’s definitely got a stink to her, but we simply can’t afford to back down on this,” said a high-ranking Senate Democrat speaking on condition of anonymity. “It’s an unprecedented strategy, but as long as we keep masking Ruth with Febreze, we should be able to hang onto her seat.”
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