BALTIMORE—Following the Ravens’ victory over the 49ers in Super Bowl XLVII, Baltimore officials confirmed Tuesday that they are currently seeking a safer, less crime-infested city to hold the team’s celebratory parade. “Though we are all excited about our Ravens bringing home the Lombardi Trophy, we must make the safety of parade attendees and the players our number-one priority—and that means keeping the celebration far away from Baltimore,” said mayor’s office spokeswoman Ganesha Martin, who noted that parade planners had proven unable to map out a suitable motorcade route within the city limits that wouldn’t lead the procession through urban neighborhoods notorious for poverty, drugs, and brutal gang violence. “We’ve been scouting out a number of cities in which fans can cheer on their victorious Ravens without putting themselves in immense danger, including Boston, New York, and Pittsburgh. Honestly, San Francisco is pretty high on our list right now, and doesn’t have nearly as many homicides.” City officials are reportedly resolved not to repeat the same mistake made in 2001, when the decision to hold the Super Bowl XXXV victory parade in Baltimore led to the near-fatal stabbing of Ravens head coach Brian Billick by a homeless crack addict 30 seconds into the ceremony.
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11 comments:
Sounds like crime infested Salisbury.
But seriously I think the site/source is a parody? I think they are making fun of Baltimore.
How about Salisbury?
sounds like we need more guns and not less.
what about cleaning up the city? we have more than enough laws on the books to do that!
Its a joke people "The Onion"
The article is satire. The reality of the situation prompted me to confirm that, however.
Another omally legacy...cesspool of 47%ers created by libtard politics..believe it..
The Moon might be a good spot. Can't light a crack pipe up in a vacuum.
How about Fruitland?
Let Ray Lewis and his cohorts lead the parade with their knives and you'll have no problems. They'll kill a the bad people, just like they did in Atlanta.
The Moon might be a good spot. Can't light a crack pipe up in a vacuum.
February 8, 2013 at 8:19 PM
Give them enough time and they would find a work around.
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