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Friday, May 15, 2009

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play
two sports
and either take music
or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must
take care of his 3 kids;
keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,
and complete science projects,
cook, do laundry,
and pay a list of 'pretend' bills
with not enough money.

In addition, each man
will have to budget in money
for groceries each week.
Each man
must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out
on time--no emailing.

Each man must also
take each child to a doctor's appointment,
a dentist appointment
and a haircut appointment.

He must make
one unscheduled and inconvenient
visit per child
to the Urgent Care.

He must also
make cookies or cupcakes
for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for
decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside
and keeping it presentable
at all times.

The men will only
have access to television
when the kids are asleep
and all chores are done.

The men must
shave their legs,
wear makeup daily,
adorn himself with jewelry,
wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
keep fingernails polished
and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks,
the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches,
and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or
slow down from other duties.

They must attend
weekly school meetings,
church, and find time
at least once to spend the afternoon
at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to
read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning,
feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the s ix weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size
and doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite co lor,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear and
what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island
based on performance.
The last man wins only if...
he still has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over
and over again for the next 18-25 years
eventually earning the right To be called Mother!

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would like to meet just one mother (not a single mom) that does ALL of this! I know in my household I (the man) take care of a lot of this stuff with the exception of the 'fashion' upkeep and the obvious female anatomy issues. Regardless...if a woman is sitting at home do this every day I suggest she get a life or I certainly do foresee a divorce in the near future-this is the 21st century folks!

joealbero said...

anonymous 9:07, Thanks for visiting Barrie. Just kidding, LOL

Anonymous said...

OUCH, Joe! That was the ultimate insult! I am no longer reading this blog anymore!!!



Actually, I can't do that-I would be left in the dark if I had to read the Times everyday...damnit, you win!

LOL

Anonymous said...

Hey Joe...as a man and father, I do almost of of this stuff in my household. As spouses and parents we are BOTH responsible for the children, house and chores EQUALLY. This post implies that men do nothing and take no part in their childs upbringing. As a man who is VERY active in the development of your family and grandson, I can't believe you would perpetuate this stigma by putting a post like this up. You, of anyone, should be offended and know that it is ridiculous. Times have changed, the men that I know, including myself, take their parenting and spousal responsibilities seriously. This post is condescending, inaccurate and ignorant.

Anonymous said...

Glad I'm a man

Anonymous said...

10:29,

I hate to tell you, but the statistics on this are clear: women do FAR more houswork and child rearing than men, even when they both work a full-time job. I'm glad you are an equal partner in your relationship, but you are in the minority.

Here's just one of many studies that support this finding:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/04/080403191009.htm

doug wilkerson said...

10:29 I to do these things, I like doing them so she doesnt have to. Woman get tired to.

Anonymous said...

sheeeeeesh what a bunch of cry baby men. There have been several posts about women that have been condescending and we didn't whine. Maybe because they were to busy to be able to post :-)

Seans mama said...

I am a stay at home mom and can relate to alot of what this post states. My hubby works long hours and does not do much of anything when he is home. However if he was put in the "hypothetical situation" I think he would try his best. I think this post was to make husbands/fathers aware of what their wife/mother of their children (most wives & wives) do at home and that they should tell their wife that they appreciate everything they do.

Anonymous said...

Mother's day just passed on Sunday, give us females a break, it was a hilarious read and even though my husband says he tries, he can't remember everything that needs doing. For some reason though, he believes that I do so this was just good for a chuckle.

Anonymous said...

How many guys scrub the toilet at home? Seriously. Some take out the garbage a couple of times a week, mow the lawn once a week, and act like it is a big deal. Scrub the toilet without being asked to, and see where that gets you! Do some of the daily stuff. Surprise your wife with a home cooked meal. get off your butt and do the dishes (without being asked and without acting as if you've just done something amazing). Load the dishwasher, then empty it. Vacuum. bathe the kids. Do all of this without being asked and without acting as if it is a big deal, and then you will really be doing something. Those of you who are already doing this, don't look for a big slap on the back, you are just being an adult.

Anonymous said...

to those who are offended, maybe the truth hurts?

Anonymous said...

10:29 a.m., how many times have you spoken out against the condescending posts about women on here? Thought so. Read some of the other posts and learn.

As for 9:07 a.m., you must not know very many women, and many would like to get divorce you speak of but stick it out for vows, for the kids, because they are stuck economically from putting their careers on a back burner for everyone else's needs.

I thank my wife when she cooks dinner, and she does the same for me. I don't expect to be thanked because I scrubbed the tub and "helped." (I once asked 6 of my buddies how many times they had scrubbed the tub since married. All 6 said zero!)

Lighten up on the ladies. We do take all they do for granted. Don't wait 'til she's dead or leaves you to realize what you have.

Anonymous said...

AMEN Joe...AMEN. We are tired but we do it all for love.Some men just don't understand how much we do or what keeps us going. For those men who GET it. Thank ;you. We love you for appreciating us and we'll be there for you always. For those men who DON'T GET IT, we will eventually grow tired of your lack of help and appreciation and go find one of the men we thanked above!

countrygirl@heart