Attention

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not represent our advertisers

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

“THE NINE MOST SIGNIFICANT WORDS WOMEN USE”

1. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5. LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. THAT’S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. THANKS: A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say “you’re welcome”.
8. WHATEVER: Is a woman’s way of saying F*@& YOU!
9. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?”. For the woman’s response, refer to #3.

3 comments:

lmclain said...

Hilarious. But so true. SO true.

Anonymous said...

I'm divorced, and happy about it. Apparently, women don't want to be nice to us men, and being in my position at 59, it's my turn to say "FINE". Go die alone. FU.

Anonymous said...

Oh, P.S. , She left on a section 8 and I raised the 3 kids, so everyone knows that as well.