You're Gonna Love This!

What's the definition of irreconcilable differences?
When she's melting down her wedding ring to cast it into a bullet.

What's the difference between Biology and Sociology?
When the baby looks like the father, its Biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, its Sociology!

A couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary.
"In all that time, did you ever consider divorce?" they were asked."
"Oh, no, not divorce," one said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce."

Why do people sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" when they're already there?

Why do people say "tuna fish?" They don't say "beef mammal" or "chicken bird!"

Life is sexually transmitted.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

My neighbour`s young son swallowed a quarter, a dime and a nickle.
He was rushed to the hospital.

The next day I asked my neighbour how his son was doing , and he replied, "no change yet".