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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I Need a realtor

Qualifications:

1. Must own auto, not lease it
2. Must own a home, not rent one
3. Must be a full-time realtor, not weekend warrior
4. Must be well versed in appraisal process, insepctions & construction
5. Must not have a previous career as a criminal
6. Must not be a liar
7. Must have a BA degree in something, anything
8. Must never say, "now is a great time to buy"
9. Must also never say, "this particualr city is immune to housing crisis. Prices always go up or are holding steady"
10. Must actually be selling properties and not hoping another Realtor will sell thier own.

*************************************

How many takers?

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is going to be hard to find.
I do not understand your first point though? Must own Auto? It is stupid to own an Auto. Leasing is the only way to go. Why would you expect someone to own a depretiating asset?

Anonymous said...

depends on your mileage and how long you plan on keeping the vehicle. i keep em until the tires fall off.


Joe, if your serious i know a good realtor. i can email you her name

Anonymous said...

I would highly recommend Becky Schmidt from Coldwell Bankers. She is an amazing realitor, and is very motivated.

Anonymous said...

11. Must not be representing their silent partners that just purchased the house three weeks ago for a steal and are just trying to flip it to you.

12. Must be able to show me houses in the price range I've quoted. When I say $200,000 tops, don't show me $389,000 houses!

13. Must be willing to sit down for lunch on house hunting day. No going thru the drive thru!

14. Must own and American car. I'm not buying a house and subsidizing Japan too.

Anonymous said...

Kelark & Co. has been great

Tax Guy said...

funny stuff....I think people think you are serious

Anonymous said...

You are such a hypocritical jackass. A few months ago you said Realtors were worthless cheats now you're looking for one to carry your water. What happened Einstein, your Boss Hogg magic marketing powers not working for you in a down market?

Anonymous said...

11. Must be able to pronounce 'realtor' (not realAtor), and 'realty' (not realIty).

Anonymous said...

I know of only one person who fits all of your requirements, but he is now selling used cars......

LOL
farm boy

BossHogg said...

You are such a hypocritical jackass. A few months ago you said Realtors were worthless cheats now you're looking for one to carry your water.

Please show me where I said "realtors are worthless cheats" or anything to that effect.

I might have commented on the President of the National Association of realtors not being able to sell his own, overpriced, home in Northern Virginia.

You sound like a bitter realt0r who has never experienced a down market.

I have been in the real estate business since 1988 and clearly remember the 1989 to 1993 down market like we are experiencing now.

The post was a parody, because there are *NO* realtors who fit the bill.

My car was paid for before I drove it off the auction lot, my home is paid for, the only debts I have are medical and recurring utility bills.

your Boss Hogg magic marketing powers not working for you in a down market?

Nope they work just fine, people are still coming to auctions. Auctions are transparent negotiations, not secret like yours.

Andrew said...

I'm your huckleberry...

Anonymous said...

#16. must be able to locate the proper property lines of the sellers property and show the potential buyers the correct boundry lines of the property.#17

Anonymous said...

Auctions are hardly transparent. I have experienced the "shill" in the local crowd bidding it up or even more disturbing bidding for the auctioneer. I have had the top bid on two recent occasions but property was "no saled" only to find out the auctioneer later took title to the property for less money after consoling the family.

BossHogg said...

I have had the top bid on two recent occasions but property was "no saled" only to find out the auctioneer later took title to the property for less money after consoling the family.

What you are describing is pure sleaze, if it happened. Why would someone take less than was on the table at the auction?

That does not make sense.

Anonymous said...

Must be able to spell "inspections" correctly.........
I spotted that. Am I hired?

Anonymous said...

Nice .) I think your real estate crisis will sweep away many of those "weekend warriors" if nothing else. I have read somewhere that around 70% of realtors is out of the business or going to quit in next few weeks. So maybe after year or two you will be dealing only with the top-class skilled professionals! (I am joking).
Take care
Elli

P.S. It's perfect time to buy!