By Thornton Crowe
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know the scene from When Harry Met Sally; it's all I've heard in my head since reading this honey dipped, fabrication piece in the US News called: Can Salisbury and Small Urban Enclaves make Rural Cool?
You really must read the whole article to fully grasp the syrupy sweet confection that makes your teeth just rot reading it as Jake Day gives the reporter sound bytes of blather tinged with the ever so whimsical cotton candy ending. It was so fantastical, even the reporter interjects, "...the plan is aggressive and maybe unrealistic..."
More comical prose are Day's rendition of The Jerk's "I was born a poor black man on the wrong side of town..." ode with:
"There were moments when, as a 9-year-old living in Salisbury, I was thinking I really want to be mayor in this town..."
Surely, the reporter had no idea Day ran unopposed for his $25K per annum dream job but that's just too inconvenient a truth to expect from our rose-colored glasses wearing Mayor. He reminds me of Mr. Kite from the badly made Peter Frampton/BeeGee remake of Sgt. Peppers & the Lonely Hearts Band from the seventies. A tale of homespun mystical elixir unlike no other:
"The biggest thing for us has been arts, entertainment and culture," Day explained. "Recognizing that those things can be more than an ancillary benefit, but a driver has been big for us."
What? Really, Jake? That's the biggest thing Salisburians need right now is jute joints and dog playing poker picture exhibits? Surely you jest. But no, he said this in a serious interview.
Oh but my dear readers, it gets oh so much better! Day goes on to explain that
"The problem is that we're just not adding people at the same rate that we're adding jobs..."
Interesting he should say this because just today, I was talking Mr. Albero about this very issue. Jobs are not in high quantity here in Splitsville. In fact, we have such a hard time with that area, large placement companies like Manpower closed up shop and left the area never to return! Oops!
Shall we continue?
Another humdinger is Jake claiming that we're like Frederick. Ah. Fun. A suburb of DC. Well, considering we're a good two-hour drive to DC on a non-summer, non-tourist day, being compared to Frederick is like being compared to Los Angeles. All of it sums up to Jake Day living in another alternate universe for which he is stands alone.
The only thing that likens us to Frederick or any other urban suburb is the traffic. Why? Because no one has a job here. They all drive all day long, trying to find a job.
All I can say is even though Salisbury has 33K residents, those who can vote should serious re-think this whole Day Dreamer experiment, because it's not working out so darn hot.
His fairy tale de jour was too tempting to not write something when it was sent to me from a reader. It proves my theory that we a have a delusional mayor of Simpleton whose living in a world which is unlike the one you and I experience.
And you think Day is really connected with his voter base or the woes in this community?