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Monday, May 04, 2015

Common Sense Obituary

Today we mourn the passing   of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: 

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why   the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- And maybe it was my fault. 

Common Sense   lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn)
  and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). 

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set  in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after  lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened  his condition. 

Common  Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they  themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. 

It declined even further  when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. 

Common Sense lost the will  to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. 

Common Sense took a  beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and
  the burglar could sue you for assault. 

Common Sense finally gave   up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. 

Common Sense was preceded in death,
-by his  parents, Truth and Trust,
-by his wife, Discretion,
-by his daughter,  Responsibility,
-and by  his son, Reason. 

He  is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;
- I Know My Rights
- I Want It Now
- Someone Else Is To Blame
- I'm A Victim
- Pay me for Doing Nothing 

Not many  attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. 


Anonymous said...

I thought all was lost when my mind went missing but with the passing of common sense even hope may have to go on life support!

Anonymous said...

Very correct obituary.

Anonymous said...

This is what the "faith based leaders" of the "oppressed" in Baltimore need to pass out.

Anonymous said...

So True