FRANCESCA KNIGHT OF OCEAN CITY SPEAKS OUT

I Was Cyberbullied By Adults

I wanted to share a valuable lesson I learned recently. First, let me explain who I am. I am the daughter of a city council woman in my hometown, of Ocean City, MD. I’ve had my fare share of fake smiles, loose-gripped handshakes, and condescending tones. Small towns can, at times, be brutal. Well, this isn’t an article about how wonderful my Mom is, nor is this article about someone being mean to her, or how cut throat politics can be. This is an article about bullying.

Salisbury, MD. (close to Ocean City) has a new blog called sbynews.blogspot.com, which recently posted a copy of a peace order against Ocean City’s city manager and the alleged reasons for which the order was procured. Regardless of political affiliation, how you feel about Ocean City, or how you feel about peace orders, the purpose of this blog is to incite comments from citizens in an open forum. These comments are written by citizens with the option of using their real names, fake names, or “anonymous”, and must be pre-approved by the blog site owner. Comments are intended to be well thought out, insightful, and civil, and people from all sides are welcome to comment.

As a Towson University family science student, I pride myself on the skill set my degree has to offer; good communication skills, a commitment to families, a dedication to helping others, adequate research ability, and the push to make the world a better place. My educational path has taught me a lot of lessons, but I’m constantly amazed at the life lessons I come across that no classroom can teach.

Enter the lesson plan: In reading the comments on this particular blog post about my towns city manager, I realized the undertone was that of disgust. No one was questioning the facts, but rather attacking this man as a husband and father, and assuming his personal familial life has anything to do with his work. The comments were hurtful, immature, and judgmental. I kept reading. The comments then turned against the current council majority, blaming them for things that were out of their control, and demonstrated a clear lack of understanding and research. I read on further. The rest of the comments started attacking the former city manager, and even went so far as to bring up his divorce, claiming “it must come along with the job”, a comment so inappropriate- I realized I had to step in to say something positive. These comments were not only irrelevant, and judgmental, but also mean spirited. What was worse- was that not a single person had said that it is a personal matter and should not be widely publicized. So, thinking it would be alright in public forum to disagree with someone else’s comments, I wrote in.

I gave my name in my comments, yes, I was not afraid to do so, but in doing so- I opened up the floodgates for people with differing opinions to personally attack me, a 24 year old college female, who loves her family and her hometown. Rather than have a civilized discussion backed up by factual information and research, I was accused of being “drunk”, “out of control”, “stupid- like my mother”, that I think “I have all the answers to the world”. I was accused of using my father’s name to establish credibility, badgered about my political party affiliation, which candidate I voted for in the past election, and was told I was “up passed my bed time” with “my mother looming over my shoulder”. None of these retorts were relevant to the subject of the original post, nor were they relevant to my comment in defense of my mayor and council, and former and present city manager. Maybe I’m idealistic; maybe college has made me that way, but at 24, I was under the impression in a blog forum; you are allowed to have differing opinions. Apparently, I was wrong.

At first, I let the personal attacks get to me. I started thinking they were right: I am stupid, I am meddling, I don’t know what I’m talking about. There were at the time 15 posts about me, not the original subject of the blog post. And then I realized it: letting my emotions take a hold of me was exactly what they wanted, and what’s even more saddening is that this is the same practice school bullies use on young vulnerable girls, girls who end up hurting themselves for far less. With teen suicide and bullying, a common topic in Family Science, we seem to only focus on “kids” as the problem. They haven’t been brought up right, they don’t know any better, they’re over-medicated, the environment is hostile for a child to grow up in, but maybe we should start discussing the bullying of adult to adult. I realized that all the names I was called could only be true if I let them be, if I believed them too, and as long as I didn’t- then those people couldn’t hurt me.

So yes, at 24, I may stay up too late, maybe even passed my bedtime, I may go out with my friends, sometimes I even think I’m invincible, and I’m sure at times my parents may agree- that I do think I have all the answers, but there is one thing that ruthless badgering of another human being, bullying, finger pointing and name-calling cannot take away from me; and that’s my unconditional love for my family, my craving to want to help others, and my respect for my hometown of Ocean City, MD.

Publishers Notes: I want you to read the following comments and decide, has Francesca been bullied?

A 24 year old citizen of OC said...

Has anyone on this blog commenting actually met Dennis Dare or David Recor? let alone even from Ocean City, Maryland?

David Recor's hiring process was complex, yes, there were issues that were brought up that made people question whether or not he was an adequate candidate for the job, but his experience in ft. Pierce proved to be exceptional. He is a very kind man, loves his wife and four daughters, and having met him and spoken to him on numerous occasions, and having a family member working close with him, I can honestly attest to his character. I do not believe he would hurt his wife or children. And more so, this matter is a domestic issue, not one that directly interferes with his capabilities to perform the task of city manager at hand. It is no ones place here to suggest otherwise- this matter will be, as it should be, attended to internally within his family.

As for Dennis Dare- how dare any of you suggest he was anything less than exceptional for his position as former city manager. Have any of you ever spoken with that man and had a bad experience? Has he ever been anything less than respectful, calm, polite, and prompt in his responses to anyone? No. Maybe taxes didn't fare as well as you had hoped, but the economy is cyclical, and not under full control of the city manager. How dare any of you bring up his own personal family matters as you are Davids. People get divorced, it happens. It is nobody's business but their own, and to shame them for it- or to take sides in another families personal occurrence is simply demonstrating judgmental behavior, and a lack of understanding of privacy.

Neither of these men are "fake", nor is city council. the current council majority has done a great job at accommodating it's citizens hopes for the town. If you have your doubts, please feel free to sit in on, or bring up your concerns at the next city council meeting. 

Francesca Knight said...

"Anonymous"- maybe you could bear a little skin and give us your real name? For now, I'll refer to you as "coward".

On a happier note- glad I could be of service! Sorry to keep you waiting.

Let me help you out with your little bet here- This is in fact, Francesca M. Knight, 24, of Ocean City MD, daughter of "toothless Knight". But don't let that deter you! Feel free to comment back- I welcome it!

And as for your claim of me "loosing all credibility", is it so wrong of me or any other person to try to find the good in Mr. Recor, Mr. Dare, and the current council majority? I have had nothing but good experiences personally, and heard nothing but good experiences from others in dealing with them.

And as for your sweet nickname- "toothless Knight", on account of my Father being a Dentist, don't you think it's a little invalidated? Maybe something with more of a play on words using Knight would be more suitable. 

I rarely go back into comments but in this case I did. Mind you, there are some unjustifiable comments but really, Francesca drew herself right into this Post and then came back for more. 

After speaking to some people about it I learned she then went to another Blog and sent the above letter. I was told she went on to say how she no longer likes Salisbury News because of the comments. Her Mother then allegedly came into comments and said how much she loves her Daughter and the two started having a love fest in comments.

Don't play victim Francesca. Your an adult who got involved in something perhaps you shouldn't have. At first, (when I read your original letter sent to me by someone on Facebook) I actually felt sorry for you. Then I read the comments.  

Women say they want equal rights but as this Posts clearly shows its a double edge sword. Now Francesca is playing the victim because she's a woman. Francesca said: "Preface: I am NOT trying to receive a backlash on the people who attacked me, I am trying to explain a lesson I learned, and express a distaste for bullying, especially to females". I'll add, Francesca stated elsewhere that there were 15 comments attacking her. That's just not true. There are 15 comments that DISAGREED with her. I'm sure in time, (in life) when she gets older she'll better understand. 

Francesca also attacks others using "anonymous" when in fact she started out as "A 24 year old citizen of OC" which is anonymous. She goes on to say, "For now, I'll refer to you as "coward". What really gets me is when she INVITES others to comment by saying the following, "Feel free to comment back- I welcome it"

Please tell me how this is a victim of cyberbullying? Unfortunately in Public Forums/Blogs/Grapevine anonymous comments can at times be harsh. Many, (if not most) fear retaliation from Public Officials, (like her Mother) therefore they comment anonymously. To blame Salisbury News without mentioning ALL of the other Forums out there as being bad simply because people disagree with your opinion is just wrong.