Men's Age ... as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house- mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favourite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favourite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait &Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door
In your 90's and beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
5 comments:
LOL, my husband is in the 30's category, but fits in the 60's catergory for the stuff he'd do if he went to Home Depot at all.
Well...I'm 26 and I'd be damned if I do anything prior to a trip to Home Depot! Here's my scenario:
First, I try to improvise with what I have until I get to the point where I simply can't get around going to the Depot. At that time I say "oh shit, I need a.....and while I'm at it I'll get a ...., .... and ...." Depending on the weather, I MIGHT put on a hoodie otherwise my Home Depot attire remains pretty much the same. Unfortunately, Home Depot does have a dress code so I am required to put a shirt on if I happen to be doing yardwork topless (whoa ladies, easy now! Don't get too excited, I'm married) I then do a little dog-like shake to dust off so I don't get my truck as dirty. I hop into my truck and realize I forgot my keys-I run back inside to grab said keys. As I pull out of the driveway, I notice that I forgot my wallet-another trip back into the house to acquire the forementioned necessity. Upon arrival at the Home Depot, I too notice the little hot number at the register, but then realize that my wife is much more smokin! I spend about 5 minutes finding what I needed and then about an hour finding the things that I don't need.
This is just sooo funny and true. The other scenario...sent the wife to get whatever it is you need & she'll be back in 10 minutes instead of 3 hours.
12:32pm, that's only one size/kind of that tool, one color to choose from, and no attached/accesories to buy for it. Example, she'll get a hammer but looses it when you ask for a 3/4" anything blade, screws, drill bit, twine for the trimmer because by the time she gets there she's forgotten what she's there for exactly. I'm a woman, I know.
Soooooooo funny! Enjoyed!
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