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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

An Oldie But A Goodie

Summer Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, August 16th 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you posted this. My guy took the classes last year, but he is ready for a refresher course.

This is a real community service. Thanks, Joe

Anonymous said...

I know my guy will be taking these classes...LOL

Anonymous said...

I would like to add another 2 classes.

The extra bathroom towels are in the bathroom closet. If one is NOT on the towel rack, using the window curtains is NOT an option!

And most important!

Farting in bed and fluffing the covers is NOT funny!

Chriso12385 said...

I will be offering a class for women as well next months class will cover 52 weeks of female nagging and all of their problems. this includes non complicated problems that when a woman is introduced becomes a catastrophe, If its so easy to lift the lid when we pee why cant you all put it down? Us men don't need it down unless we use it for other means. How to put make up on BEFORE we start driving, How to hang up that friggin cell phone and DRIVE! we also cover in my class that Mice, spiders and other bugs are not grounds for a state emergency or any sort of panic they have no intrest of attacking you while you stand on a chair terrified and that its soooo easy to clear your hair from the bottom of the shower without calling a plumber to pull chewbacca outta the drain. we learn bedroom manners like when your feet are cold, mens bodies are not to be used as a method of warming. we also learn that just as men fart in bed so do women denial is not a river in egypt ladies. another bathroom one. ladies i know its tempting because we rarely use them but STOP USING OUR RAZORS. Do you realize that when you shave your legs with our razors and do not tell us that causes us ALOT of pain and blood loss. its cruel and should be avoided at all costs. So if anyone is interested in signing up just Email me THANKS!

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Chriso, it needed to be said.
Let's add that getting ready to go needs to be kept under 10 minutes instead of 1 1/2 hours.

Chriso12385 said...

yes it does orsen lol