Dear Reader (except those of you who make your dogs wear pants — you’re dead to me.),
I haven’t written to you since last year. Saying, “A lot has happened since then,” seems like the kind of understatement on par with saying “It’s been a bad day,” after Cthullu has turned the oceans to blood, commanded that wolverines eat the bait-and-tackle of every man with a vowel in his name, and given the rest hooks for hands and an aggressive case of the crabs.
A modest recap: Roving bands of rape gangs are fanning out across Europe. In Cologne, one of the latter day Vandals taunted the police: “I’m Syrian. I must be handled in a friendly manner. Mrs. Merkel invited me.” Knuckleheads in Oregon have seized a wildlife refuge, and some on the left are angry they haven’t been summarily slaughtered. The international economy is turning into one long “Buy Gold” commercial. President Obama has responded to a renewed terror threat and chaos in the Middle East by redoubling his efforts to keep the boom in gun sales and NRA donations going for the rest of his presidency. Donald Trump is concern-trolling Ted Cruz because other people might make a big deal about him being a Canadian sleeper agent. Joe Biden says, “My tank tops have a gun show loophole on each side.” He also said that he regrets not running for president, “every day.” A self-described “Peace Troubadour” who appears to have been raised on an ancient moron burial ground has announced he will hold a “peace concert” in ISIS-controlled Syria. Rumors that his face will grace the new Darwin Award Medal remain unconfirmed. If he goes ahead with the concert, I have a long list of performers he should bring with him. ISIS released a video showing them working with surface-to-air missiles, while we’ve apparently been shipping missiles to Cuba. Iran expedited its ballistic-missile program and the Obama administration threatened to do something about it but then chickened out. Saudi Arabia and Iran seem minutes away from open war with one another and President Obama’s advisers reportedly think his Iran deal is a source of “stability” in the Middle East (one has to wonder if they, too, were raised on ancient moron burial ground). Any day now we will give them somewhere north of $100 billion dollars – you know, for even more stability! North Korea detonated an atomic bomb (which may have been a hydrogen bomb). And Time magazine has already declared Donald Trump the winner.
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A modest recap: Roving bands of rape gangs are fanning out across Europe. In Cologne, one of the latter day Vandals taunted the police: “I’m Syrian. I must be handled in a friendly manner. Mrs. Merkel invited me.” Knuckleheads in Oregon have seized a wildlife refuge, and some on the left are angry they haven’t been summarily slaughtered. The international economy is turning into one long “Buy Gold” commercial. President Obama has responded to a renewed terror threat and chaos in the Middle East by redoubling his efforts to keep the boom in gun sales and NRA donations going for the rest of his presidency. Donald Trump is concern-trolling Ted Cruz because other people might make a big deal about him being a Canadian sleeper agent. Joe Biden says, “My tank tops have a gun show loophole on each side.” He also said that he regrets not running for president, “every day.” A self-described “Peace Troubadour” who appears to have been raised on an ancient moron burial ground has announced he will hold a “peace concert” in ISIS-controlled Syria. Rumors that his face will grace the new Darwin Award Medal remain unconfirmed. If he goes ahead with the concert, I have a long list of performers he should bring with him. ISIS released a video showing them working with surface-to-air missiles, while we’ve apparently been shipping missiles to Cuba. Iran expedited its ballistic-missile program and the Obama administration threatened to do something about it but then chickened out. Saudi Arabia and Iran seem minutes away from open war with one another and President Obama’s advisers reportedly think his Iran deal is a source of “stability” in the Middle East (one has to wonder if they, too, were raised on ancient moron burial ground). Any day now we will give them somewhere north of $100 billion dollars – you know, for even more stability! North Korea detonated an atomic bomb (which may have been a hydrogen bomb). And Time magazine has already declared Donald Trump the winner.
More
1 comment:
Yep, Hillary tried to paint Trump as anti-women and that sure blew up in her face!
Hillary should be nowhere near any government office unless it says "Federal Prison" on the front and she's a resident.
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