Hey Kids – It’s Time For Some Dumb Myths And Smart Facts About Slavery!

There are a lot of bad people in the American educational system who are being forced by a lot of bad people in the financial world to tell you a lot of bad facts about history that are designed to make you feel bad about yourself. This is especially true if you’re a WHITE schoolchild.

If you’re white like Uncle Jim, your teachers will try to convince you that you’re responsible—even though you’re only, what?, eight years old?—for a bunch of bad, bad things that happened a long, long time ago.
If you’re a black schoolchild, I’m sure your parents will have plenty of excuses for why your ancestors were enslaved.

But chances are that you’re white—at least for the next generation or two, those are the chances—so I’ve collected a bunch of DUMB MYTHS and SMART FACTS about slavery that you can use to clown your teachers and everyone else at school!

Black slavery in America was pretty bad, kids, but it wasn’t anything special. Throughout history, every color of the rainbow has owned slaves and been enslaved. The dictionary tells us that the root word of “slave” is “Slav,” because Slavic peoples—who are REALLY pale and white—were the primary slave population throughout the Middle Ages. And though your teachers will never tell you this, there have been long stretches of history where Africans have owned white people as slaves! How do you like THEM apples? The empire of Carthage transported white slaves to Africa. The African Moors ruled Spain for 500 years and sent white Christian slaves to Egypt. And poor, defenseless white kids—just like you!—were kidnapped by Muslims during the Children’s Crusade and sold into Egyptian slavery.

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