How do good parents miss child sexual abuse? It is simple.
By not asking the right questions.
One day my son went to a classmate’s home for a Halloween costume party. When I picked him up a few hours later I could tell by the ear to ear grin on his face that he had a great time. As we were about to leave, I was standing at the door with the child’s father and grandmother.
Both adults were giving me a great report about his behavior. Parent relieved. Thank goodness. No issues. No worries.
But as I drove us home I felt uneasy. Something was off.
Then it hit me. I swerved into the next parking lot.
I had been here before. Except I was the child.
When parents ask children whether or not they were good in front of children and adults most children feel pressured to say yes.
I could recall that when I was being abused by a teen relative my mother would innocently ask me a few questions as we left a relative’s home.
“Did you behave?” “Did you listen?” “Were you a good girl?”
1. What mom didn’t know is that the teen who was living there had threatened me before she had even arrived. Sometimes he’d even be standing behind her balling up his fists or giving me mean looks.
2. Asking me those questions, especially in front of a person who was using me for sexual experimentation reinforced in my young mind that I was supposed to do whatever I was told by the person who was watching me while she was gone.
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DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
5 comments:
Author seems crazy. Sorry for the abuse the author endured but you can't ask your kid questions like that every time you allow them someplace. It seems like you want them to say something was wrong by those questions. I can understand a parent has extra worries for their children ,especially when the parent went through it. But a parent has no business allowing their kid to a party if they aren't capable of knowing what's wrong and what's right and have the ability to speak for themselves.
1:08 You are so stupid or naive. Read the article again and this time realize that many children who are abused are frightened by monsters who tell them anything to keep them quiet. Stupid people are the reason abuse continues. Educate yourslef please.
And we should not program our children to think something has happened to them when in fact nothing has happened to them.
Check the sheriffs list of sex offenders and maybe you will see that this area is infested. Closing an eye to this epidemic will not make it go away. You will notice on this list that there are all socioeconomic levels among offenders and that they are NOT all male. It really does not matter how you discuss this with your child...just as long as you have the discussion.
I've read it. I stand by my comment. Doing this is going to either encourage an accusation or make the kid scared to live their life. Again , raise your kids to be strong and make sure that they know the only people to fear is parents police and god!
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