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Saturday, October 10, 2009

News Flash - Obama Wins Heisman Trophy

The NCAA reported today that President of the United States, Barak Obama, has been awarded the Heisman Trophy. While the award is usually bestowed upon college football's most talented offensive player, the NCAA this year took a different approach.

"He's a heck of a basketball player and we saw him throwing a ball really well to his dog Sasha earlier this year in the Rose Garden" stated Aaron Duckandcover, Awards Director for the NCAA.

Responding to critics of this years surprise choice, Duckandcover went on: "It has nothing to do with actual on-the-ground accomplishments. This award is intended to give hope to all the athletes and non-athletes of the world; hope that even in the absence of real performance, they too can be given awards for their good intentions, future promise and current popularity."

President Obama was unavailable for comment as he was back in the Rose Garden having a smoke.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

This country is in sad shape. I would not doubt this for one minute

Anonymous said...

This is great. It should really make people sit back and reflect on why Obama would be given the Nobel peace prize. Obama himself acted as if he knew he really didn't deserve it when he made his speech.

Anonymous said...

sasha is his daughter... not his dog. have some respect!

jefferson said...

I see the President more as a basketball guy, not football. Not enough bulk and way too smart. Basketball definately, maybe a 2 most likely a 1...point guard all the way. Not much NBA upside. College potential. He needs to give up the smoking thing however, cuts the wind you know.

Anonymous said...

I see Obama as more of a comedian. I know that he sure as heck played one heck of a joke on the American people.

Anonymous said...

Opening sentences in some of today's top news stories . . .

Heavily armed militants were holding up to 15 soldiers hostage inside Pakistan's army headquarters Saturday after they stormed the complex in an audacious assault on the nuclear-armed country's most powerful institution.

When Venezuela's Mining Minister Rodolfo Sanz walked into a televised Cabinet meeting this week, President Hugo Chavez impishly asked, "So how's the uranium for Iran going? For the atomic bomb." Chavez was joking, but few were laughing outside Caracas and Tehran.

Thousands of foreign fighters have poured into Afghanistan to bolster the Taliban insurgency, the country's defense minister said Saturday as he called for more international troops. The remarks come as the U.S. debates whether to substantially increase its forces in Afghanistan or to conduct a more limited campaign focused on targeting al-Qaida figures — most of whom are believed to be in neighboring Pakistan

U.S. Secretary of State Hilary Rodham Clinton engaged in last-minute diplomacy on Saturday aimed at salvaging an accord to establish diplomatic relations between Turkey and Armenia after a century of enmity. The agreement was supposed to be signed by the Turkish and Armenian foreign ministers at a reception in the Swiss city of Zurich, with Clinton among the world dignitaries in attendance. But a dispute over the statements the countries would make sparked a delay, and forced her to intervene.

North Korea says it wants direct talks with the United States before re-entering multilateral negotiations. The North's nuclear program was a key topic as China's State Council Premier Wen Jiabao, Japanese Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama and South Korean President Lee Myung-bak met in Beijing for an annual summit Saturday.

A high-ranking Iranian government official says Iran will respond to either an American or Israeli attack by "blowing up the heart of the State of Israel." The spokesman is a representative of Ayatollah Khamenei, Iran's highest spiritual leader, in the country's most powerful military force, the Revolutionary Guard.
"Even if one Zionist or American rocket hits our land," said Mojtaba Zolnour, "Iranian rockets will explode in the heart of Israel even before the dust settles."

Thousands of police officers have deployed in Jerusalem Friday in advance of Muslim prayers on the Temple Mount. Police are on high alert following a week in which Muslims rioted in and around Jerusalem, as Muslim and Arab leaders accused Israel of attempting to harm the al-Aksa Mosque atop the Mount.

Not to worry, our beloved leader just won the top International PEACE Prize. He'll take care of everything ;)

Anonymous said...

Folks, don't be pissed at President Obama for getting the Nobel Peace Prize. He did not nominate himself, nor did he vote for himself. This displaced anger should be directed at Oslo, Sweden.

Anonymous said...

The First Dog is named Bo. Sasha is President Obama's older daughter.

Anonymous said...

Is this a weak attempt at satire?

Anonymous said...

HE is one big JOKE ! What a waste of president we have running our country!

Anonymous said...

The usual ....lost in interpretation....Real award wordage...."HIestman" award.....get it right1

David said...

You know its sad when a country can't back there president, these are some of the same people that when Bush was in office and someone spoke against him you are unpatriotic yet obama is in office and its ok can you spell HYPOCRITE

Anonymous said...

2:53 Oslo is in Norway....

Anonymous said...

david, my man. don't you have that bass akwards?
it's ok to knock pres. bush, but not pres obama.

Anonymous said...

When Bush was in office, dissent was the highest form of patriotism. Now, if you criticize Barack Obama, you are either a racist or part of an "angry mob". The press is so liberal in this country its laughable. NBC news has become Barack Obama Headquarters!

Anonymous said...

You've got to be kidding!

Anonymous said...

the fact that he accepted it is an OBOMINATION! He should have respectfully declined.