It Couldn't Happen Here - Part I

Salisbury News – Your 24 Hour Really Reliable Opinionated News Source
November 15, 2014

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Bulletin
Salisbury News has just learned that several volunteer members of the Salisbury Fire Department, one or more high ranking government officials and about a dozen others are about to be arrested at the Salisbury/Ocean City International Airport. Details are sketchy at this time, but Salisbury News will give continuing updates as provided by our many field reporters.

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Bulletin
Here at the Salisbury/Ocean City International Airport, under the glare of a dozen banks of tactical floodlights, a joint force of over sixty DEA, FBI, BATF, FAA, MD State Police, Maryland Department of Natural Resources, Wicomico County Sheriff's Department and Salisbury University agents and officers created a close perimeter around the Salisbury Fire Department ASCROTM-4F, The Barrie T, to take into custody those now inside it. Task force spokesman FBI Special Agent in Charge Levi Townsend said, “What you're about to see is the culmination of over a year's surveillance, hundreds of hours of inter-agency communication and information sharing, and the bringing together of a diverse spectrum of law enforcement professionals to achieve one goal, and that goal is to bring criminals to justice. Here's where that process begins. You see that blimp? Everybody in it is guilty of something.”

Townsend provided Salisbury News with a list of charges to be filed by one or more of the agencies against one or more of the suspects: malfeasance in public office, misappropriation of public funds, fraud, income tax evasion, possession of prohibited firearms, theft of government property, carrying a concealed weapon, possession of untagged deer (MD and VA), possession of greater than the allowed number of deer (MD and VA), hunting out of season (MD and VA), hunting deer with the use of artificial lights (MD and VA), operating an aircraft without a registered flight plan, operating an aircraft without a license, operating an aircraft while under the influence of narcotics or alcohol, interstate transportation of untaxed cigarettes with intent to distribute, possession of controlled narcotics, possession of controlled narcotics with intent to distribute, possession of controlled narcotic paraphernalia, various sex crimes, providing false information to a law enforcement official, providing false identity to a law enforcement official, dumping, littering, thirty-nine counts of conspiracy, and improper exterior lighting on an aircraft.

Townsend added, "If there was a charge for felony stupid, we'd be using it tonight."

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Update:
After a very brief standoff evidently involving some alcohol-induced bravado, local, county and state and federal agents and officers took custody of twenty-three individuals, at least one from as far away as Canada. Police spokesmen reported that there were no significant incidents related to the arrests, save for the quiet disarming of several occupants, and that all of those taken into custody will next be delivered to the Wicomico County Detention Center, where questioning will begin. Forensics teams from five agencies have descended upon The Barrie T, and are now swarming the craft's interior, searching for additional evidence, which allegedly includes at least one .50 caliber sniper rifle, several experimental tactical weapons, a number of concussion grenades and an undisclosed amount of illegal drugs and untaxed cigarettes.

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Update:
A list of those arrested has been provided to Salisbury News. Arrested, but with charges held pending additional investigation, are:
-Reston Barlow Fleck, 46, Vienna, MD. CEO Fleck Guns & Ammo, Fleck's Shorenuff Hunting Tours
-Armani Elugio Balsatore, 52, Alexandria, VA. Junior Senator from Virginia (D)
-Lieutenant Colonal Richard Leslie Adams, III, 41, Ft. Belvoir, VA. Purchasing Liaison, U.S. Army
-Derrick Scarpatti, 68, Vienna, VA. Lobbyist, American Best Weapons Systems, LLC
-Gary Comegys, 60, Eden, MD. City Administrator and City Councilman, Salisbury, MD
-Michael P. Dunn, 57, Fruitland, MD. Assistant City Administrator, Salisbury, MD
-Thomas J. Maloney, 58, Salisbury, MD. City Attorney, Salisbury, MD
-Glendella L'Cherisa Matthews, 19, Salisbury, MD. Massage Therapist
-Shereashia D'Anieala McBounds, 22, Salisbury, MD. Corporate Hospitality Specialist
-Griffin Delacort Watson, Jr., 18, Delmar, MD. Student and Pilot of The Barrie T
-D'Erick D'Wayne Judson, Brooklyn, NY. Salisbury University Intern, Salisbury Mayor's Office
-Dumond Rothschild Derrier, 62, Vancouver, B.C., Canada. CEO, LTA Concepts Worldwide, LTD
-Tedigonada Hijo de Puta-de Puta, 37, Washington, DC. Diplomatic Courier**
-Raymond Joseph Calderon, 41, Miami, FL. Import-export executive
-Reymundo Jose Calderon, 42, Cartajena, Columbia. Import-export executive
-Richard Hoppes, 57, Lewes, DE. Chief-for-Life, Salisbury Fire Department
-William Gordy, 59, Delmar, DE. Assistant-Chief-for-Life, Salisbury Fire Department
-Jeremy Gordy, 31, Delmar, DE. Second-Assistant-Chief-for-Life, Salisbury Fire Department
-Male Juvenile, 12, Salisbury, MD.
-Male Juvenile, 13, Salisbury, MD.
-Male Juvenile, 15, Salisbury, MD.
-Male Juvenile, 13, Salisbury, MD.
-Male Juvenile, 14, Salisbury, MD.
**Charges held in abeyance pending diplomatic status determination

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Here at the Wicomico County Detention Center, law enforcement officers fill the halls and drink the coffee as questioning continues in what some are now jokingly calling Blimp Gate. Word has reached us that the five juveniles involved have been released to their parents, pending further investigation of remaining suspects. At this juncture, it appears that the five were a part of a Salisbury Fire Department cadet orientation class, and not knowingly active participants in any illegal activities.

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With each passing minute, it seems that another attorney is admitted to the WCDC. Just arriving now is longtime local legal luminary Robin Cockey. We are unable to get through the crush to interview him, but it appears that he is speaking with FBI and DEA officials. Can we assume that he is here to effect the release of his as yet to be named clients? We think so.
We are now informed that one of the detainees in this case has been released, claiming diplomatic immunity from charges readied by police. First identified as Tedigonada Hijo de Puta-de Puta, his name was evidently mistaken in translation at the time of arrest. He left WCDC moments ago. His true name was revealed to law enforcement in a call from the Columbian Consulate, and his identity verified. His identity is, however, not being released to the public, evidently because of diplomatic considerations.

Questioning of other suspects will continue through the night. Salisbury News will be here to report. Stay with us.