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Monday, May 04, 2009

UPS Gripe Sheet

UPS GRIPE SHEET


Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one...a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, United Parcel Service pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this air craft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

6 comments:

BigEastFireDog said...

Now thats funny

Anonymous said...

So that's where my buddies in Avionics ended up, I was wondering who who be suckered into hiring that gang of Jokers...Seriously Avionics types aren't serious.

Reconciled1 said...

Give the midget back his hammer so he can hammer in the morning, hammer in the evening, even hammer at supper time if he wants too.... Thanks I enjoyed these

Anonymous said...

This has been around for years. It's actually from a Quantas Airlines checksheet out of Australia.

Anonymous said...

what is your definition of accident? check on the following planes.
n748up
n250up
n316up
n319up

rob

Anonymous said...

haha you dont need a college degree to be a pilot! it just helps the pilot get a job easier