SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
______________________________
LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"
___________________________________
QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him and replied, "You're never home!"
___________________________________
CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, and $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
"She'd rather remodel the kitchen."
__________________________________
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yelled, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: ' Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever '."
"Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' "
___________________________________
WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
__________________________________
ELDERLY SEX
One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly, "Yes, your honor I figured that at 92, if he could have sex, he could also fly."
DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
6 comments:
Having trouble understanding why curse words and posts in all caps are not allowed, but jokes like these are.
Really? And why is that. Is there something wrong with the word sex? Is there something wrong with adults discussing sex? These are jokes and believe me, they're very clean. However, I'd like to know exactly what it is about these jokes that upset you?
Well i needed a good laugh...if you dont like it hit the complaint button x
I think what anon 8:52 was trying to say was, keep it professional. If this blog is here to report the news, then jokes like this don't belong.
Joe. Re-watch the scene from "Porkys" where Beulah Balbricker tries to convince the principal/coaches there is too much LUST!!! {and, for heavens sake, can we PLEASE call it a 'tallywacker'}
In this screwed up world we live in, I see nothing wrong with these jokes for a chuckle. Another case of someone making the subject of sex shameful and dirty.
Post a Comment