I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.
If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
And last but not least...
Furniture Disease is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers
DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
4 comments:
I get the humor, I've had weight problems all my life. Trend diets are a marketing joke. Cut the fat, drink lots of water to feel full and keep drinking lots of water. Diet soda's and other diet drinks aren't good for you either, full of sodium.
Ants won't even touch fake sugar sweetners, ever notice that? Do they know something we don't?
A lot of people think because something says fat free they can eat all they want. If you don't burn calories they will turn to fat anyway.
It's common sense, you don't need pricey machines and fad diets. Like everything else it just takes work.
Forgotten ones:
I don't like jogging because my beer goes flat.
My fat dog starts dragging me back to the house after we hit the next door neighbor's yard-his beer's gone flat.
I've recently lost 40 pounds (and counting) on the "I Just Found Out What My Cholesterol Number Is" diet. And it has been a snap!
First, I had to give up my mantra of "There is no food that cannot be significantly improved with the liberal application of melted cheese." Yep, cheese had to go. Waaaay too much fat. I gave up sodas long ago (they're just liquid candy) and banned sweets from the house. No more fast food, either. I began eating breakfast---Raisin Bran Crunch rules, by the way! Of course, I eat it with 2% milk. Any bread or pasta I eat is whole wheat or multi-grain and I try to limit carbs. (My sandwiches are on multi-grain flatbread with oven-roasted turkey breast and veggies.)
I stay away from beef, never eat sausage, and increased my fruit and vegetable servings. And I drink a lot of V-Fusion Light, along with plenty of water.
Before I knew it, my weight started dropping, my energy and overall attitude soared, and food cravings disappeared. Usually when you crave something, it's because there's something in it that your body needs, but when you eat a healthy, balanced diet, your body is getting all the nutrition it needs.
Do I get hungry? Sure. When I do, I eat. I just eat healthy. And the ponds continue to melt away.
My exercise routine? I put on the jeans I wore a year ago, walk across the room, and pull them back up from around my ankles!
And when I get the notion that I need to lose weight , I go out and buy a bigger size of pants. Wich is cheaper and easier , I ask you.
Enjoy your rabbit food, Im going to enjoy this short but interesting life I have.
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