BREAKING: Christmas Eve Capers Runs Rampant in America

Throughout the US this Christmas Eve, a crime wave has occurred perpetrated by the most unusual suspects. Cats and dogs throughout America have staged a fur coup, resulting in larcenies and vandalism reaching epidemic proportions. Incidents have become so numerous,  the Federal Bureau of Investigations has now intervened to quill the path of destruction, chaos and mayhem.

Unidentified Assailants
Seen on Home Video Cams

Citing the Constitution's First Amendment, the furs explain their rebellion, also known as Furgate, is their freedom of expression and protest. Yet, others are claiming various defenses, including complaints about not even getting coal for the years of unconditional love to the human species.

Before being Mirandized, Mr. Kitty feverishly meowed, "I tell you, I was framed by the RUSSIANS!" as he was loaded into an unmarked vehicle by agents.

Notorious Master Vandal, Mr. Kitty
during his arrest at FBI HQ in DC

Some have cleverly posed as computer tech support in an effort to pull off their dastardly deeds, have illegally deleted literally thousands of cookies, milk and other holiday fare while pointing their paws to many household children or a fat elf sporting a red pantsuit lined with fur cruising through town in a deer-drawn sleigh.

Agents are finding it hard to gain any specific charges as most culprits have cited unlawful detainers and false imprisonment, using the Clinton Defense. Furthermore, they are demanding federal prosecutors to demonstrate intent, and while some evidence has led authorities to draw their conclusions, mere crumbs are insufficient evidence as per FBI Director James Comey's statements in early July of this year.

Unidentified Thief posing as Tech Support

While Mr. Kitty has refused to cooperate with authorities until he meets with his attorney, others have filed motions with several Public Defenders' offices because their humans refuse to provide them with appropriate legal representation in this landmark case.

At this time, it is not known if the ACLU will answer their meows and woofs for just and fair treatment under our Rule of Law.

More horrific details on these Christmas Eve capers will be reported as they become available from the local and federal authorities.

Until then,

Merry Christmas!

-- Thornton