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Wednesday, April 13, 2016

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is our separation agreement:

--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

--We don't like "spreading the wealth," so we'll keep ours and you can spread yours all you want.

--We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.

--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and bio diesel.

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps,
homeless, home boys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

--We'll keep "under God" in our Pledge of Allegiance, and we'll keep "In God we trust" on our money.

--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

--We'll keep our Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine," "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing," "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".

--We'll practice trickle-down economics, and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

7 comments:

Vince said...

Dear friend! Just leave our country if you don`t like America and don`t respect the people that have been legally elected to office. Seems as though certain people only like the government when it suits them! When it don`t they want to talk about dividing the same country they say they love. Remember the petition in Texas? If certain people can and have put up with racism and social injustice their whole life certainly you can stand a few years of inconvenience! What you need to do is get more involved,find a way to get more people to see what you see and unite to get them out to vote in people who represent your ideas! Oh, I almost forgot the GOP don`t care who you want in office! It`s not up to voters it`s up to a few good old boys called delegates! Who change the rules, suppress voting and select who they want! While they talk about the will of the people at the same time! Totally Laughable! And of course they will always have their bitter people who follow blindly behind a party that spreads hate and fear! Bottom line just leave and take the rest of your miserable party with you! I`m sure you will find a country that fits you. Have a nice day!

Anonymous said...

Noteworthy that Vince didn't dispute any of Mr Walls' facts.

Anonymous said...

That letter has been awhile, in other forms. It's tongue-in-cheek, but certainly holds lots of truths.

Anonymous said...

Pretty certain Wall's lot has kept a strangle hold on the south; at least that's what the state legislation, education level, poverty level, health statistics say. I'd like to see how fast the so-called "Constitutionalists" defect to the brave new world of civil war era boundaries.

Vince said...

The real facts can be disputed! I could sit up and find numbers to the contrary! But one fact that cannot be disputed is YOU AND YOUR PEARS CAN LEAVE AND BUILD YOUR WALL AROUND YOU NEW COUNTRY! Both parties have pros and cons. The trick is to find the proper balance. But of course after seven years of obstruction by a party that vows to bring down a president that was elected by our citizens not once but twice! And they continue to obstruct a qualified supreme court nominee without any logistical reason! And they plan on obstructing the will of people on their side of the wall with their STOP TRUMP CAMPAINE! I would venture to say that your good old boys party has their own interest not yours! Too funny! I can remember 12 straight years of Republican presidential authority accompanied by long gas lines, high deficits, low income, high crime, and the more of our country in the middle east! I remember 8 years of a democratic president that actually helped balance the budget, good job growth, more home owners and American prosperity! I remember 8 years of a republican president that turned the economy back in the wrong direction, started wars on several fronts and lied about why we were at war! Now we have had a president that has faced racism, political obstruction, government shut downs and a slew of negative propaganda! Despite it all if you look at the numbers for our country we are in much better condition than when he came in office! By the way he was elected to office by all kinds! NOT JUST WHITE LIBERALS

Anonymous said...

I'm taking my pears someplace else. My apples and strawberries, too.
I may even take some vegetables!

Anonymous said...

This is still the best country on earth. If you don't love it, feel free to leave. Or die- we young people who don't have all that hate festering in our hearts can wait you old dinosaurs out.