PARAPROSDOKIANS

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø   The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

Ø  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 

Ø   War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Ø   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Ø   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Ø   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

Ø   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Ø   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Ø   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø  I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Ø  I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

Ø   You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Ø   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Ø  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.