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Sunday, September 24, 2017

Drafting Guys Over 60

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 55.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50... in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Age should be Changed from 18 (too young) to 21 !!
Hell they can't even Drink until 21 but are sent to WAR @ 18
They can't even Rent a frigg'in rental car until 25 !!!!

Were is the LOGIC ????? Can't believe America puts up with it !!!!

Anonymous said...

I always heard 27 was the cutoff to join the military Not
42......(way too old )
Most Police type jobs 37 cutoff age .....

Anonymous said...

I am 50 and would sign a waiver but I want the millinial snowflake to serve FIRST.

Anonymous said...

Age should be 20 or 21.
I'm 61, and if you think I'm going to help protect this country with a bad hip and shoulder. Plus numerous other health issues ( I'd get shot stopping to take my meds., not reloading a gun), you really need mental help yourself.

Anonymous said...

Sending age 18 to War is Murder and very wrong !!!
How civilized is America ?? One should wonder .....

Anonymous said...

Don't talk up old age going to military or it just may happen......Be careful What You Wish for !!

Hell, by sending all 62 on up Govt could save alot on
Social Security / Medicare ....and Keep Our $$$$$....
they would put us on the Front lines !!!

Anonymous said...

It is time to start thinking in 21st Century terms in all matters of Life!

Anonymous said...

Still many things to be Fixed in America ......
Draft age should be 21 Period !!
ALso , ALL > Animal Shelters should be NO-KILL !!
Driving age should be 18 , this is Not the 70's anymore !!
Cell phones should be age 18 to use them !!! Not Toys !!!
2 term Limits for ALL elected positions (Congress / Senate
Surpreme Court etc )

Anonymous said...

As humor goes over everyone's heads here...

OMG.....

Anonymous said...

These days those at 18 are Not as Mature as those old school
folks when they were 18 ....another reason Change Draft age
to 21 !!!
These new snowflakes would be slaughtered in war !!

Anonymous said...

Older guys also will kill with no worry's and sleep just fine, no PTSD

Anonymous said...

Y don't u sign up coward.

Anonymous said...

Then just lay down.

Anonymous said...

50 the new 40
20 yo the new millinial 10 yo.

Anonymous said...


OK, it's humor and a funny slant on aging. And yes, warriors fueled by estrogen would take few prisoners!

Back in the day friends lost their lives or were permanently maimed while serving overseas. Hopefully we'll remain strong and our service members will be well trained but safe because our prep levels discourage adversaries.

And back to the post, at last Hillary will get to live her deferred youthful dream by finally becoming a Marine.

Anonymous said...

Has anyone here ever heard of humor?

Anonymous said...

Nobody appreciates good humor anymore. If it's not trollable, it must be trollable, so let's troll on!

Anonymous said...

Hillary and Obastard want a Islam take over along with Soros.

Anonymous said...

Snowflakes are the new 5 yo

Anonymous said...

Put the snakes who have Handicapped signs in their cars,
who should Not have them, and Just have them so they can get
all the good parking places, go to War , on the front lines !!!!

Anonymous said...

No Heroes today like the old ones ..... America Ruined !!!
America Not ready for any new War today .....

Anonymous said...

DRAFT Congressman instead !!! LOL

Anonymous said...

I'm not so sure. I sleep soo much better knowing that handsome young mayor of ours is out on the Georgian plains to turn back Putin's state sponsored killing machine. There is no match of any age for our mayor's costume fatigues and his selfie stick.