Try as we might to achieve a ceasefire, the seemingly never-ending “battle of the sexes” continues to endure.
But a truce is possible with a better understanding of our counterparts, which necessitates defining who we are, says academic D. Scott Trettenero.
“The ‘battle’ is based upon those differences in men’s and women’s nature, which often come into stark contrast as together we face the world’s problems – both large and small,” says D. Scott Trettenero, author of “Master the Mystery of Human Nature: Resolving the Conflict of Opposing Values,” (www.masterthemysterybook.com).
It’s impossible for one side to win this battle in a relationship, Trettenero says. If one side wins, the other side loses and losers are usually unhappy about that proposition. That will ultimately lead to a lose-lose scenario in some form or another. For a relationship to be healthy and functioning, both sides have to feel that their needs are met adequately.
How do we make both men and women win, instead of neither? Trettenero says a few ways to accomplish that include:
• Understand the differences in nature between both sexes. There really is a difference in how each gender views the world. By nature and inherent temperaments, men are more likely to be thinkers who rely more heavily on logic and reason. Conversely, women are more generally run by their feelings and solve problems with their emotional intelligence. Different internal routes are taken to deduce answers to issues, which frequently causes friction between the genders.
• Put the ego aside, listen and understand each other. While a healthy sense of self is important for a healthy life, the ego often causes stubbornness and a proclivity to place the blame on others. It also has a tendency to be “right” and make others “wrong” if they don’t see things their way. That is the perfect recipe for conflict without resolution, which will sink the relationship. Do you want to be right or work together to get positive results? It’s your choice.
• Appreciate that you are just a part of the balance. Psychologist Carl Jung said, “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” Whether it’s the workplace or at home, allowing your voice to be part of the duet or chorus, and not a presumed solo performance, is how harmonizing works. If you are not alone, that’s a good thing. You’re part of a balance, enabling you to have greater balance within yourself.
“Imagine if more of us actually lived by this philosophy of balance in all aspects of life,” Trettenero says. “Not only would we have happier personal lives, I think the world would be a much better place for all of us to live.”
D. Scott Trettenero
D. Scott Trettenero’s recent book, “Master the Mystery of Human Nature: Resolving the Conflict of Opposing Values” (www.masterthemysterybook.com), helps readers learn about themselves, others and how the world works because of our differences.