The Last Run, Maybe

Santa’s been running late because of all the speed traps and Clovers out there. Not to mention the endless meetings with his legal team to make sure the factory’s in compliance with the latest workplace safety rules – and the elves happy with the terms of their latest contract.

Thank God the sleigh doesn’t have to have a catalytic converter.

Yet.

There have been rumblings, though, about his operation of an open sleigh without a helmet – and the need to fit said sleigh with Daytime Running Lamps to improve its visibility. It does not meet current federal bumper impact standards and Rudolph’s red nose is clearly a problem as it could be construed as impersonating an emergency vehicle.

It will have to go.

Then there is the issue of Santa’s time behind the reigns. DOT rules say no more than 11 hours in a given 24. Luckily, Christmas eve is just one night – but Santa had better keep his logs straight, just in case.

His “papers,” too.

Santa should expect to be stopped several times at various checkpoints – where a bearded male with headgear will surely arouse suspicion of evil-doing. What could be under that thick coat? What’s in that bag? Isn’t red the color of martyrdom? Has he been drinking tonight? Just look at that red nose. Spread ‘em! Santa should be prepared for his Enhanced Pat Down and Body Cavity Search.


Hopefully Missus Klaus will have laundered his underthings. And he better have a bail bondsman on his speed dial.

Meanwhile, those reindeer.

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