Discipline
Throughout history, children have been disciplined in many different ways. Up until the second half of the twentieth century, the motto was “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. It must have worked because children seemed to behave somewhat better. A lot of this had to do with the respect the parents earned from their children. It just was not the thing to do to embarrass your parents by acting badly in public. The mutual respect that was formed in the formative years carried over to the school years. The bottom line was that you learned that what you did was bad. Nowadays, the seeming lack of conscience only regrets getting caught. As they say, the punishment doesn’t always fit the crime.
The discipline administered by the nuns at St. Francis in the 1950’s was a combination of love and fear. While you knew they loved you, there was always the threat of facing some form of corporal punishment. If you were good, the fear level was minimal, and you were always on guard to see that it didn’t elevate. There was no bleeding-heart liberal telling the nuns that they couldn’t hit you. They only resorted to a good slap if it was warranted, and the parents had enough faith in the nuns that they knew it was truly warranted. At St. Francis one time a student called a nun a liar, and she slapped him. He then proceeded to slap her back. Big mistake. The next thing we saw was a fist coming out of that black habit and connecting right on the chin. The nun calmly said, “If that’s the way you want it, let’s go.” The student said he had enough. He walked up and down the property every morning and afternoon for a half hour and during recess for a month. I don’t think they ever had a problem with him again.
My own sons asked me one time why I never hit them. I told them honestly that I loved them, and you didn’t hit someone you loved. I learned this lesson many years earlier from my Pop. One Saturday night, I came home around ten o’clock to get more money from my room. He asked me why I was home so early, and I told him the truth. What I didn’t tell him, but he knew, was that I had previously consumed a few beers. I had left my car running in the driveway and fully expected to just jump in and carry on with my Saturday escapades after acquiring a small amount from my “stash”. When I came downstairs, he got up from his chair and calmly faced me. His exact words were, “George, I’ve never hit you, but if you attempt to go out that door, I’m going to hit you.” My reply summed up all the respect he had earned over the years. I said, “Pop, would you mind turning my car off?” He turned my car off, and I went to bed.
Discipline can be easier if there is a degree of respect earned over a period of time. I never wanted to show my parents any disrespect by doing anything that would embarrass them or the family. Of course, this applies to children after they have reached the age of reason. Before that, it’s spare the rod and spoil the child. I once heard an elderly lady explain how she disciplined her children. She would take a hairbrush and gently brush their hair. If that didn’t work, she said that she applied the other side of the brush to the other side of the child. She claimed it always worked.
(Pictured above: Sr. Mary Boniface, May 1952)
8 comments:
An adult who hits a child is an adult out of control,
I had Sr. Boniface for first grade she used to smack your knuckles with a ruler.
The writer says, in explaining to one of his sons why he never hit them, "you didn't hit someone you loved". So the nuns didn't love those children and my father who beat us (yes, beat, with belts, switches, razor straps, and his fists) absolutely could not have loved his children. This is HIS legacy, one I will tell for the rest of my life. I can't remember any crime to deserve such punishment except for disobeying him. He thought he was God, never to be disobeyed, whether it was right or wrong. He always bragged that he beat us so badly, because he wanted to give us something to remember, and he never said he was ever sorry for beating us black and blue. Well, once I grew up and got an education, I realized what he did was abuse, and I never let him him hear the words that I loved him again, not even when he was dying. He was my Dad and a mean SOB. Spare the rod, spoil the child, what rubbish. Go ahead, beat your children. Make them fear you. Brag about it. Give them those memories of you. It's sick to think that is being a good parent. Like 10:52 says, parents who hit their kids are out of control. It's a power thing, nothing else. They do it because they can, and the kids can't hit back. They are bullies in the worst kind of way. Parents, before you think that corporal punishment is an effective means of behavior modification, do some research and get educated. Become enlightened and smarter than your parents (if they were hitters). And no, not hitting your kids does not mean that you don't discipline your kids. If you think discipline is hitting, then you are confused and in need of enlightenment. Spare the rod, spoil the child.....why is it bad to spoil your child? A spoiled child with boundaries and limits is not a bad thing. And they will love you forever. I raised two children without resorting to corporal punishment, and I am sure they will be able to raise my grandchildren without hitting them. They did not learn from their parents, to hit their children, like many of the people today who think it is appropriate (and their right) to beat their children. Yet, my kids will be quick to tell anyone that they were punished and disciplined for bad behavior when they were growing up, but they were never hit or beat. It's just not necessary. Only uneducated and ignorant people think that one must beat or hit their children to control or teach them. It is the most poor substitute for good parenting.
10:52 What becomes of a child who never learns discipline?
Take a "rod" to a child today and see where it gets you. It'll get your child taken away from you, or depending on the severity of the rodding you give to your child, you will rightfully have charges brought against you. It took laws being passed and enforced to make some parents think twice about doing what they thought was their God-given right to abuse their children. There are parents who still believe that it is their right to beat or "spank" their children in the name of discipline. And most of the time, it is just that they don't know any better. But they sure think it is wrong for the government/society to tell them how to raise their kids. Spare the rod, eye for an eye...it's all Old Testament. It's where fathers would kill their son in the name of the Lord, where brother would kill brother, where incest was documented between father and daughter. It's in the Bible, does that make it right to do today? The Old Testament is surely not the way to live our lives today. Trying to justify Old Testament ways in today's world is inappropriate. If you don't think so, then you might be of the mind to support what the Islamic terrorists are trying to do, to live in the ways of the Koran, as is was originally written.
6:00pm,
I'm sorry you have those memories but I'll bet your father did love you. Sometimes we hurt the things we love. I didn't hit my kids but a quick smack on the backside was very effective.
Some of you cannot distinguish between abuse and correction.
That's why laws were passed to protect the children.
And like every thing else the government does, it went too far.
Corporal punishment has been going on since time began.
We will always some trouble makers and ones who will just not walk the line no matter what you do.
But let me ask this; what is the direct correlation between juvenile crime in the past and juvenile crime since corporal punishment became 'unfashionable' and 'unnecessary'?
I'm not even going to answer. I want one of you do to a search and post the results with the link from the source.
A spank for inappropriate behavior is different from a beating, black & blue. Trouble with the "spoiled" is that they expect EVERYTHING to be given them on a silver platter. They know no respect without discipline.
Discipline merely means doing what you gotta do when you gotta do it. Sometimes a "wake-up" spank is needed for focus.
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