Now Democrats Are Stuck With Biden

Contrary to much speculation on the right, Democrats stuck with the fast-failing, feeble Joe Biden through their hilariously inept convention – Stop! Hey! What’s that sound! Look at this LP of my grandpa’s that I found! – and they are now well and truly stuck with him. Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit did not stagger in, waving her half-empty bottle of screw-top Trader Joe’s Chardonnay, and putsch him out of the way. Michelle stayed put in her seaside villa from which she chides us for, among other things, not taking the global warming hoax’s rising ocean threat seriously. And Kamala failed to get that box of “special” chocolates past Oldfinger’s latest food taster.

Luckily, for the Democrats, Gropey J’s speech was the greatest speech in the history of speeching, according to reliable and objective mainstream media sources whose collective reaction to the teleprompter opus collectively evoked the sin of Onan. After all, he only plagiarizes from the best. That B-Dawg managed to read from a teleprompter without drooling and concluding by yelling “Come on, fat!” was a kind of achievement, just not the impressive kind.

But that did not stop the MSNBCNN pogue’s gallery of smart people of smartness from hailing him as Cicero reborn, though Cicero ended up with his head and hands nailed to the rostra. While the 25thAmendment is a somewhat less severe fate, though the savvy observer would put nothing past his scheming sidekick, it’s his best-case scenario.

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