KLAVAN: Democrats Are Shocked Trump Paid Off Women! [Satire]

Democrats are absolutely shocked that Donald Trump would pay off women to keep them from revealing his adulterous affairs. Reeling with moral disillusionment and a deep, deep sense of betrayal, many Democrats and journalists — but I repeat myself — have declared themselves to be in an absolute tizzy of righteous tizziness over the revelations.

Hillary Clinton, a former Democrat something or other, said that she personally could not believe that Trump would sink so low. Pulling her face from the bottom of a salad bowl where she’d been searching for the Chardonnay bottle she accidentally dropped earlier, Hillary told reporters, "I can’t understand why you would give money to one of these bimbos when you could simply intimidate her into silence with threats and then get the media to bury her story and call her names on every news outlet in the United States. And another thing..." Mrs. Clinton continued, and then slipped under the table, where she sang the first three bars of "Never Getting Back Together," to the tune of the "Star Spangled Banner."

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