When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

· A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

· "He had delusions of adequacy." Walter Kerr

·"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill

· "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

· "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

· "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

· "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Mark Twain

· "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." Oscar Wilde

· "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."

- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second .... if there is one."

- Winston Churchill, in response.

· "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop

· "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." John Bright

· "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." Irvin S. Cobb

· "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." Samuel Johnson

· "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." Paul Keating

· "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Charles, Count Talleyrand

· "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." Forrest Tucker

· "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" Mark Twain

· "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." Mae West

· "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." Oscar Wilde

· "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."

- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

· "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Billy Wilder

· "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." Groucho Marx.