Of Course the Government Should Force Churches to Perform Gay Weddings

There has been a lot of outrage from radical right wing circles this week, as slobbering fundamentalist bigots in backwards cesspools like Texas and Idaho are finally being called to task for their anti-gay hatred. Conservative Christians are about the only thing we should hate more than bigotry, so it’s about time we start cracking down on these cretins.

First, Houston’s lesbian mayor attempted to subpoena the sermons of various conservative pastors, alleging that said sermons might contain Christian messages. Now, I have it on good authority that, these days, a sermon is often the last place to look for Biblical content (just ask Joel Osteen), but better safe than sorry. Mayor Parker was reasonably concerned that some Christians in her city were attending Christian worship services and still, by some strange coincidence, encountering Christian doctrine. Specifically, she was worried that her constituents were being exposed to Christian ideas on the subject of homosexuality, so she launched an investigation into the matter.

Predictably, the wingnuts threw a hissyfit. They exploded with indignation and began making feverish and fantastical claims about how “the constitution” allegedly protects freedom of religion and freedom of speech. Apparently, in the bizarro world of the American Right, mandated governmental homily inspections are suddenly considered controversial. These people obviously don’t realize that our ancestors originally settled on our shores in order to escape a government that, in their opinion, didn’t provide enough supervision over their religious activities.

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