And The WINNER To The Fernando Tickets Is........

Who was the first black woman to receive a PhD in history in the US?

Answer: Marion Thompson Wright 1940 Columbia University.

In 1940 Marion Thompson Wright became the first African American woman to earn a PhD in history . She received her PhD from Columbia University.

To verify tonights answer please go to NJ Encyclopedia


The Winner is Nikki Johnson!!!!!

Congratulations Nikki!!!!

You can pick up your two FREE tickets at the Will Call Window at the Civic Center Friday Night.

Do NOT Miss WMDT Channel 47 News At 10:00 & 11:00 PM TONIGHT!

Photo Courtesy of WMDT Channel 47 News.

Salisbury veterinarian Doug Nolte is facing three negligence claims at the
Maryland State Board of Veterinary Medical Examiners.

One of the cases orginated from Sbynews when the owner of a pitbull named Diva
died after an alleged blotched surgery performed by Nolte.

Tonight at six WMDT's Stacy Sakai will have an indepth piece on the
allegations.

WIN Your 2 FREE Tickets To The Fernando Fight NOW!

Who was the first black woman to receive a PhD in history in the US?

Remember, you must give your full name with your answer and NOT a telephone number. If you have already won tickets in this Fernando Ticket Giveaway you will not be qualified.

Answer and Winners will come up later this evening. Not everyone has the right answer, so its never too late to try.

Good Luck!

URGENT “BEAT THE PEAK”

7 A.M. to 9 A.M., Tomorrow Morning, February 5

Because of the colder than normal temperatures across our region today and the slow track of this extremely cold weather out of our area, between the hours of 7 a.m. and 9 a.m., tomorrow morning, we are asking you to delay the usage of all unnecessary lights or appliances during these hours.

While one of the largest consumers of electricity in the home during these hours and during this time of year are heating costs, other large consumers of electricity include major appliances such as dishwashers, washing machines, clothes dryers, hot water heaters and stoves.

By delaying the use of unnecessary lighting and appliances between 7 a.m. and 9 a.m. tomorrow morning, we can save energy resources, avoid high cost energy and help the environment.

We thank you for your help. Together we can “Beat The Peak”

Gannett Is In Big Trouble!

Gannett shares fall on debt concerns, ad decline

NEW YORK, Feb 2 (Reuters) - Shares of Gannett Co Inc (GCI.N) fell as much as 12.5 percent on Monday after Standard & Poor's said it might cut the U.S. newspaper publisher's debt rating to junk, and after it reported a 36 percent decline in advertising revenue.

Gannett shares fell to as low as $5.05 in early trading on the New York Stock Exchange.

Standard & Poor's on Friday said it might cut Gannett's rating because of concerns about the USA Today publisher's revenue and earnings declines.

A downgrade into junk territory, or non-investment grade, can significantly increase a company's borrowing costs.

GO HERE to read more.

GANNETT SETS NEW RECORD LOW

This just-in. Today, Gannett Co., Inc. - (The Daily Times parent company) - set a new record low while plummeting to $4.75/Share. It broke major support resistance at $5.00/share and it tumbled like never before.

Just how low Gannett will go remains to be seen. But clearly folks, things are not good.

Click here to see today's trading results for yourself:
http://finance.google.com/finance?q=NYSE:GCI

Today's Wildlife Photo

Anitra Pirkle

"THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF ANITRA PIRKLE WOULD LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT HAVE DONE AND DID, FOR THE SAKE OF ANITRA. AND FOR HELPING US GET THROUGH THIS TRYING AND HEART ACHING TIME, MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR STAFF, AND MAY YOU CONTINUE TO BE BLESSED AND BLESS OTHER PEOPLE IN NEED OF HELP.

THANK YOU,

ANNORA, ANITRA'S OLDER SISTER"

Massachusetts Couple Who Let Gay Marriage Battle To Divorce

BOSTON – A lesbian couple who led the fight for gay marriage in Massachusetts has filed for divorce. Julie and Hillary Goodridge were among seven gay couples who filed a lawsuit that led to a court ruling making Massachusetts the first state to legalize same-sex marriages in 2004. The couple became the public face of the debate in the state and married the first day same-sex marriages became legal.

The divorce case was filed last week in Suffolk Probate and Family Court and was not unexpected. The couple announced they were separating in 2006.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090203/ap_on_re_us/gay_marriage_divorce

Win 2 Free Tickets To The Fernando Guerrero Fight Today

Some time today Salisbury News will be giving away 2 FREE Tickets to the Fight this Friday night at the Civic Center.

Last nights question proved to be quite a difficult one and that's exactly what we want, you need to work for it. Remember, if you have already won you are not eligible to win again during this contest.

Also remember to put up your full name, (without phone number) or you will be disqualified. YOU thought this was it, didn't you. Sit tight and keep your eyes and screen open to Salisbury News because soon enough someone is going to walk away with 2 FREE Tickets! Stay Tuned.

Oh, make sure you all watch each other's backs at the GOB. We wouldn't want Mayor Tilghman walking in and seeing everyone on Salisbury News trying to win tickets. LMAO!

A Letter To The Editor From Our Very Own George Chevallier

Salisbury residents have the opportunity in two months to elect a new mayor and two new City Council members. Everyone should take this seriously, as the city is currently about $70 million in debt.

In this day of economic hard times, we cannot be thinking about spending money on some of the projects the current administration proposes. We just built a new multi-million dollar firehouse and already they want another one.

Where is money for infrastructure? Riding around Salisbury, you will see we need street repairs. The "wiggles" down Isabella Street are a boondoggle of staggering proportions. How much has the city invested in that project?

There is only one candidate who will address issues in terms of needs and not wants -- Bob Caldwell. He will bring rational thought, experience and common sense back to our beloved Salisbury.

Find out as much as you can about the candidates; read between the lines of their campaign promises.

We cannot financially endure another four years of tax-and-spend politics. We need to spend what we have in a more fiscally responsible manner.

George Chevallier

Salisbury

HAS MR. COMEGYS SELF-DESTRUCTED IN THE MAYORS RACE?

"It’s been a very devastating week for Gary Comegys so far. On Monday his attempt to set the wheels in motion to replace “Station 2” really came a cropper at the Council’s work session -- not even Louise Smith sided with him, asking where the City would get the money to proceed with design and construction. Despite her habit of never voting in the minority, the 4-1 vote suggests that Comegys was flying solo for once, without Barrie Tilghman directing the controls from behind the curtain. He crashed, the plane burned, and his survival, politically speaking, is in the balance.

Then came Tuesday, when the Wicomico County Council flatly and unanimously rejected a last minute City scheme, concocted by Mr. Comegys, to hold another joint City-County confab to discuss what to do about PAC-14. Such an event was held recently, but Comegys (this time together with Smith) apparently dispute the County’s recollection of what was decided by consensus at the meeting. Because that has caused the County to have the minutes transcribed, we will soon have the actual scenario.

In any event, the County Council voted to revive the existing PAC-14 board of directors, with appropriate change to reflect the withdrawal of Salisbury University’s former members from the board. Meanwhile, the City continues to dabble and delay taking any action even though Mr. Comegys makes repeated warning that if things don’t happen soon PAC-14 will be in jeopardy. Go figure!

Later yesterday, following his debacle with the County Council, Mr. Comegys once again demonstrated his lak of judgment at the City Council’s work session on the 5-year capital improvement plan. He suggested that it need not be based on anticipated revenue, but simple a kind of wish list. That’s absurd in light of the purpose of this planning concept for infrastructure and other capital items.

It looks like the rumor that the County Council is just as fed up with Mr. Comegys as its members are with Mayor Barrie Tilghman may be correct! And Salisburians now have an even clearer picture of what Comegys as mayor would be like – it sure ain’t pretty."

Hebron Mega Development Meeting Tonight

It is likely that Commissioners will vote tonight to approve the zoning for the Hebron mega-development, Waller Landing, at the 7:00 p.m. meeting in Hebron.

The speakers at both hearings were overwhelmingly opposed to this project, but it is almost a given that the Commissioners will move forward tonight.

Wi Middle School Teacher Struck By Car This Morning

Wi Middle School Teacher Mrs. Townsend was heading off to work this morning and attempted to get into her vehicle when a friend of a neighbor coming over to visit struck her around 7:30 AM on South Blvd.

We're not sure of her condition right now but she was coherent and bleeding from her nose. Here's the catch. They were waiting and waiting for the Ambulance to arrive and when one bystander asked if anyone had called 911 for an Ambulance Mr. Townsend stated he already called.

There was a long wait, longer than usual, (so I'm told) and they were told the Ambulance was allegedly stuck at the Bridge and couldn't get through.

Forgive me for breaking away from Mrs. Townsend as we truly hope and pray she is OK. However, Mrs. Townsend just became the first alleged victim, (that we're aware of) of the 99.5% chance the Bridge won't be up statement from Mayoral Candidate Gary Comegys, Chief See & Deputy Chief Gordy.

President Obama To Make Big Announcement

Obama Seeks to Cap Pay on Executives
By JIM KUHNHENN, AP
AOL News

(Feb. 4) - Call it the maximum wage. President Barack Obama wants to impose a $500,000 pay cap on executives whose firms receive government financial rescue funds, a dramatic intervention into corporate governance in the midst of financial crisis.

The new restrictions, described by an administration official familiar with the new rules, are to be announced Wednesday morning at the White House. The steps set the stage for the administration's unveiling next week of a new framework for spending the money that remains in the $700 billion financial rescue fund.

GO HERE to read more.

Buchanan to Obama

by Patrick J. Buchanan

Barack says we need to have a conversation about race in America.?

Fair enough.

But this time, it has to be a 2-way conversation.

White America needs to be heard from, not just lectured to.

This time, the Silent Majority needs to have its convictions, grievances and demands heard.

And among them are these: GO HERE to read more.....

20/20 Does Excellent Piece On Gun Control?

GO HERE to view the video.

Drunk Pilot Sparks Revolt On Flight To New York

It is normally a moment of cheery reassurance when an airline pilot greets passengers during preparations for take-off. But Alexander Cheplevsky sparked panic on flight Aeroflot 315 when he began to speak.

His slurred and garbled comments ahead of a flight from Moscow to New York convinced passengers that he was drunk. When he apparently switched from Russian into unintelligible English, fear turned to revolt.

Flight attendants initially ignored passengers' complaints and threatened to expel them from the Boeing 767 jet unless they stopped "making trouble". As the rebellion spread, Aeroflot representatives boarded the aircraft to try to calm down the 300 passengers.

Read More: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,487665,00.html

A Meal To Die For

GO HERE to see the Heart Attack Grill video.

*LORD,... THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER*

Judy got married and had 13 children.

Her first husband,Ted, died of cancer.

She married again, and her & Bob had 7 more children.

Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.Judy again, remarried,.... and this time, her & John had 5 more children.

Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they are finally together."

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:

"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
Margaret replied:....

"I think he means her *legs*, Ethel...."

Chicago's Historic Holy Name Cathedral Ablaze

CHICAGO — Firefighters are trying to contain an early morning blaze at Holy Name Cathedral, a landmark Chicago church and the seat of Cardinal Francis George.

The flames that were shooting out of the building's roof were replaced by plumes of white smoke as firefighters continue to douse it with water on a bitterly cold Chicago morning.

More: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,487687,00.html

Wait Till You Read This!

Let's hear it for Costco! (This is just mind-boggling!)

Make sure you read all the way past the list of the drugs. The woman that signed below is a Budget Analyst out of federal Washington , DC offices.

Did you ever wonder how much it costs a drug company for the active ingredient in prescription medications? Some people think it must cost a lot, since many drugs sell for more than $2.00 per tablet. We did a search of offshore chemical synthesizers that supply the active ingredients found in drugs approved by the FDA. As we have revealed in past issues of Life Extension a significant percentage of drugs sold in the United States contain active ingredients made in other countries. In our independent investigation of how much profit drug companies really make, we obtained the actual price of active ingredients used in some of the most popular drugs sold in America

Celebrex:100 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $130.27
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.60
Percent markup: 21,712%

Claritin:10 mg
Consumer Price (100 tablets): $215.17
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.71
Percent markup: 30,306%

Keflex:250 mg
Consumer Price (100 tablets): $157.39
Cost of general active ingredients: $1.88
Percent markup: 8,372%

Lipitor:20 mg
Consumer Price (100 tablets): $272.37
Cost of general active ingredients: $5.80
Percent markup: 4,696%

Norvasc:10 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $188.29
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.14
Percent markup: 134,493%

Paxil:20 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $220.27
Cost of general active ingredients: $7.60
Percent markup: 2,898%

Prevacid:30 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $44.77
Cost of general active ingredients: $1.01
Percent markup: 34,136%

Prilosec: 20 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $360.97
Cost of general active ingredients $0.52
Percent markup: 69,417%

Prozac:20 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets) : $247.47
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.11
Percent markup: 224,973%

Tenormin:50 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $104.47
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.13
Percent markup: 80,362%

Vasotec:10 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $102.37
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.20
Percent markup: 51,185%

Xanax:1 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets) : $136.79
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.024
Percent markup: 569,958%

Zestril:20 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets) $89.89
Cost of general active ingredients $3.20
Percent markup: 2,809%

Zithromax:600 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $1,482.19
Cost of general active ingredients: $18.78
Percent markup: 7,892%

Zocor:40 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $350.27
Cost of general active ingredients: $8.63
Percent markup: 4,059%

Zoloft:50 mg
Consumer price: $206.87
Cost of general active ingredients: $1.75
Percent markup: 11,821%

Since the cost of prescription drugs is so outrageous, I thought everyone should know about this.
It pays to shop around! This helps to solve the mystery as to why they can afford to put a Walgreen's on every corner. On Monday night, Steve Wilson, an investigative reporter for Channel 7 News in Detroit , did a story on generic drug prices gouging by pharmacies. He found in his investigation that some of these generic drugs were marked up as much as 3,000% or more. So often we blame the drug companies for the high cost of drugs, and usually rightfully so. But in this case, the fault clearly lies with the pharmacies themselves. For example if you had to buy a prescription drug, and bought the name brand, you might pay $100 for 100 pills.
The pharmacist might tell you that if you get the generic equivalent, they would only cost $80, making you think you are saving $20. What the pharmacist is not telling you is that those 100 generic pills may have only cost him $10!

At the end of the report, one of the anchors asked Mr. Wilson whether or not there were any pharmacies that did not adhere to this practice, and he said that Costco consistently charged little over their cost for the generic drugs.

I went to the Costco site, where you can look up any drug, and get its online price. It says that the in-store prices are consistent with the online prices. I was appalled. Just to give you one example from my own experience I had to use the drug Compazine which helps prevent nausea in chemo patients.

I used the generic equivalent, which cost $54.99 for 60 pills at CVS. I checked the price at Costco, and I could have bought 100 pills for $19.89. For 145 of my pain pills, I paid $72.57. I could have got 150 at Costco for $28.08.

I would like to mention, that although Costco is a 'membership' type store, you do NOT have to be a member to buy prescriptions there as it is a federally regulated substance. You just tell them at the door that you wish to use the pharmacy, and they will let you in.

Sharon L. Davis
Budget Analyst
U.S. Department of Commerce
Room 6839
Office Ph: 202-482-4458
Office Fax: 202-482-5480
E-mail Address: sdavis@doc.gov

Bill Gordy Kicks Bubba To The Curb

It appears Bill Gordy is not a happy camper after hearing the outcome of the city council work session, the stunned look on his face spoke volumes. He had that deer in the headlights look going on for a minute or so. He could not believe his ears. The city council, that his good buddy Bubba, has controlled for so long, voted down another fire palace, although a smaller version. He actually thought he had it in the bag with another 3-2 vote. Well turnabout is fair play there Bubba.

A loyal reader these photos for your viewing pleasure. Has Bill Gordy kicked Bubba to the curb? Bubba's signs were pulled up from the front corner of his business at the intersection of Isabella and Rt 50 and moved them all the way down the other end of his lot. So which is it, does he support Bubba or is he trying to make the locals think he doesn't support Bubba?

CLICK PHOTOS TO ENLARGE

Before the Work Session


After the Work Session

The Property Line

THE MAN SONG

Retest Finds Barry Bonds Positive For Steroids

A urine sample provided by all-time home run leader Barry Bonds as part of an anonymous testing that baseball conducted in 2003 has tested positive for performance-enhancing substances, the New York Times reported Tuesday.

Bonds' sample did not test positive under Major League Baseball's program but was retested by investigators at the UCLA Olympic laboratory by a prominent doping researcher after it was seized in a 2004 raid, unidentified sources told the newspaper.

The samples are believed to contain traces of the previously undetectable designer steroid known as THG, or "The Clear."

Read More: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,487633,00.html

Application For Permissio To Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
_____________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married
______________________________

If less than your age, explain

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to
you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend
___________________________________________________

How often you attend
________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor/priest ? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do with your life ?
___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room?
_______________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, & RED HOT POKERS.

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi & nbsp; State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might want to watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating .

Daddy's Rules for Dating

1. If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

2. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

3. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

4. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and
a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

5. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

6. Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns.

Obama Administration Issues New Tax Form For Top Staff

With four noted tax cheats being nominated for senior leadership positions in the Obama Administration, officials realized the need for a new tax form to avoid future embarrassment. Obama Administration officials will now be able to use form "1040 SLEE-Z" to avoid tax problems and maintain their current lifestyle. Employees will still be able to hire illegal workers, skip self employment taxes, and fail to report income or gifts; however, under the new form, they will not need to be considered "glitches" to avoid public scrutiny.

Click on image to enlarge.

Andromeda Nightclub Back In The Spotlight

Former Owner Robert Orgain vs. the Licensing Commissioners and Chief Webster, one of the defendants.

THE COURT OF SPECIAL APPEALS

WEDNESDAY, March 04, 2009

Courtroom No. 2
No. 03101/07 Robert Orgain et al. vs. City of Salisbury, Maryland et al.

I personally wonder IF this case ever received the local attention it deserved. Sort of like the K.C. Tilghman case that never truly saw the light of day in the Daily Times. Tell us what YOU know Folks.

World Air Traffic Viewed From Space

Notice the change in traffic during night...then day.

This is a 24 hour observation of all of the large aircraft flights in the world, condensed down to about 2 minutes. From space we look like a bee hive of activity.

You could tell it was summer time in the north by the sun's footprint over the planet... You could see that it didn't quite set in the extreme north and it didn't quite rise in the extreme south. The move of air traffic from the US to Europe and back to the US in the 24 hour period is something to focus on.

SENSIBLE OBSERVATIONS

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.'
--Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: 'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'
--Author Unknown

3) 'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that.
It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'
--Drew Carey

4) 'The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.'
--Jeff Foxworthy

5) 'If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.'
--Dave Barry

6) 'Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.'
--Bob Ettinger

7) 'My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.''
--Paula Poundstone

8) 'A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'
--Conan O'Brien

9) 'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner.'
--Lynda Montgomery

10) 'I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.''
--Richard Jeni

11) 'If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.'
--Johnny Carson

12) 'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.'
--Paul Rodriguez

13) 'My parents didn't want to move to Florida , but they turned sixty and that's the law.'
--Jerry Seinfeld

14) 'Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?'
--Warren Hutcherson

15) 'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.'
--Oscar Wilde

16) 'Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself.'
--Mark Twain

17) 'Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan .'
--A. Whitney Brown

18) 'You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!''
--Dave Barry

19) Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was taken.
-- Unknown, presumed deceased

20) 'Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.'
--W. C. Fields

And lastly: Why in the hell should I have to 'Press 1 for English?'
--Every American

Delmarva Photographers Interpret Their World

The Worcester County Arts Council is pleased to announce the February and March Visual Arts exhibit, featuring photographs by the members of the Ocean Pines Camera Club.
Examples of work by 13 local photographers, whose creative and sensitive eyes capture and speak of their personal view of the world, will be on display.
Among these artists are:
Cathy Halligan,
George Hawkins,
Marcia Hirsch,
Antonio Russo,
Robin Harrison,
Betty Green,
John Logis,
Jan Grady,
Jack Andrews,
George Eitel,
Gail Philippi,
Steve Franklin and
Walt Schumacher.
Established in 2004, the Ocean Pines Camera Club is an active group of individuals who share a common interest in photography. Although their name was selected as the “Ocean Pines Camera Club,” the group has always welcomed photography enthusiasts from the greater eastern shore area.
Their activities include field trips, workshops, and numerous other photography related activities. For more information about the Ocean Pines Camera Club please visit their website www.oceanpinescameraclub.org
The opening reception of the exhibit, which is free and open to the public, will be on Friday, February 13, 2009, from 6-8 p.m., at the Arts Council Gallery located at
6 Jefferson Street in Berlin.
The exhibit will be on display through March 31, 2009.
Gallery hours are Tuesday through Friday, and on the occasional Saturday, 11 am to 3 pm. For more information call the Arts Council at 410-641-0809 or visit their website:
www.worcestercountyartscouncil.org

New Ice Cream

Ben and Jerry's is coming out with an unbelievable new ice cream in honor of the new president.

It is being churned in Washington DC and appropriately being named:

Baracky Road - half chocolate and half vanilla surrounded by fruits and nuts.

What Do Engineers Do When They Retire?

CLICK HERE to find out.

YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP

You could have heard a pin drop

When in England, at a fairly large conference, Condi Rice was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building' by George Bush. She answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land wehave ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?' A Boeing engineer stood up and replied
quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred
people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?' Without
hesitating, the American Admiral replied it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies
and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French
Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have
been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.' The American said, ''The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it. 'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!' The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

Terrorist Release Program

Catch and Release

The US Navy today announced that it has released a senior Al Queda terrorist after questioning him extensively for 27 days while he was held prisoner aboard a US aircraft carrier in the Arabian Sea. In a humanitarian gesture the terrorist was given $50 US and a white Ford Fairlane automobile upon being released from custody.

This photo shows the terrorist on his way home just after being released by the Navy.

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:


Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.


How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.


What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.


Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.


What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.


What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?


Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.


Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to b ecause dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.


What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.


What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.


What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.


If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Registration Is Now Open For 2009 Girls Volleyball Camp

2009 Wicomico County/Margie Knight Volleyball Camp

(Salisbury, MD) Registration for the 2009 Girls Volleyball Camp has begun. Girls 12 – 17 years of age, interested in improving their volleyball skills and getting a jump start on the season should register for this weeklong camp August 3 - 7. The camp will run from 9:00am to 12:00pm daily. Future stars will be led by Salisbury University’s Head Volleyball Coach, Margie Knight. The camp will be held at the Maggs Gymnasium. Space is limited, so register early!

Registration is being accepted at the Box Office located at the Wicomico Youth & Civic Center, or on line at http://www.wicomicorecandpark.org/. ; The registration fee for residents is $130 and for non-residents is $135.

For more information contact program director Kelly Rados at 410-548-4900 ext. 108 or email krados@wicomicocounty.org.

If you would like to learn about other upcoming programs offered by Wicomico County Recreation, Parks and Tourism sign up for email alerts at http://www.wicomicorecandparks.org/.

Colonoscopy Story Time

ABOUT THE WRITER... Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. Below is an account of his recent colonoscopy.

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through
Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric
system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour,because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.

And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy? 'How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.'

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes I then put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000 foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said.

And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies ...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were
quite humorous ... A physician claimed that the following are actual
comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was
performing their colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
before!'
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out ..'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all ...
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not
up there?'

Parkside CTE Open House Saturday, Feb. 7

Parkside Skills USA Chapter Hosts Competition During Parkside CTE Open House Saturday, Feb. 7

Wicomico County students enrolled in the Parkside High School Career and Technology Education Department will compete Feb. 7 in the county SkillsUSA competition, sponsored by the Parkside CTE SkillsUSA chapter. This event will take place during the annual open house for Parkside CTE.

SkillsUSA events in most of the CTE programs will take place between 9 and 11 a.m., though some will begin as early as 7:30 a.m. Prizes and medals will be given out in the auditorium starting at noon. Prizes and medals will be awarded to the top three students in each competition.

Winners will go on to compete in the state SkillsUSA contest, and could even represent Wicomico at the national level. Last year, Wicomico sent six state gold-medal winners to the national competition last year, with one student finishing first in the nation in his competition for the second straight year. Three other Parkside CTE students finished in the top 10 nationwide in their skill areas.

All in the community are invited to attend the SkillsUSA competition and the Parkside CTE open house, which together will showcase all 20 CTE programs for prospective students and families. Those programs are: automotive technology, carpentry, collision repair, computer assisted drafting and design (CADD), computer network and repair, cosmetology, criminal justice, culinary arts, early childhood, electricity, electronics, firefighter/EMT, health occupations, high performance manufacturing, horticulture and turf management, HVAC, masonry, nursing assistant, plumbing and welding.

A video highlighting the many career and skills training opportunities at CTE may be viewed at cte.wcboe.org.

For information, please call 410-677-5144.

Listing Of Wicomico School Events For February

GO HERE to review them all.