"Joe I have to chime in on this. I was a sex abuse victim for 7 years. I was molested and raped repeatedly throughout those 7 years. I was also forced to go to counseling to "renew" the family bond (it was my brother that abused me). I hated him but I was told not to hate but to forgive..well guess what I tried to forgive and you know what happened? 4 years later he forced me repeatedly to perform sex acts. By that time I had no faith in anyone, not even my parents, because I was supposed to just forget it all. He never served time, he never had to face what he did or be judged by public opinion, he never registered as a sex offender, but I will always be the little girl who's brother damaged her so severely it was thought she would never be able to bare children. Do I hate him...absolutely. Do I hate my parents..not so much because they were blue collar workers that were easy to influence by a quack psychologist.
Fast forward to 2008 my children were abused for a very short period of time. I had a feeling something was wrong and I acted on that feeling to reveal what was happening. The perpatrators therapist contacted me under false pretenses, saying he wanted to get all the information on how the person was caught and what was done. However, after I made the 2 hour drive to meet him in hopes smoeone was finally willing to hear the truth, I was shocked to learn the true reason he called me in was to try to convince me to make my children face their abuser. I was furious. He said it was essential that I allow it so his client (the abuser) would be able to move forward in his therapy and treatment so he would be closer to "recovery"..sorry but a sex offender DOES NOT recover. I refused to allow it and I stand strong that he will never have the opportunity to abuse or even contact my children again.
So please make it known that these practices DO still exist and the courts are backing the therapists that allow and encourage these types of "treatment" attempts. These are not practices that exclusively happened years ago, they are still used to this day. If, and I stress IF,my children ever decide they wish to confront him I will stand at their sides so they can say whatever needs to be said but they will never be forced to do anything.
Any parents out there who are going through anything similar please please know you have the legal right to say NO if a therapist requests a meeting of this type. Please keep the child as the center of focus regardless of who the abuser was/is. Your child is and always should be the only person you are concerned with assisting through an ordeal such as sexual abuse."
DelMarVa's Premier Source for News, Opinion, Analysis, and Human Interest Contact Publisher Joe Albero at alberobutzo@wmconnect.com or 410-430-5349
13 comments:
I am so sorry for your experience, ma'am, and back you 1,000%.
You are right. There is no recovery for this.
You are a courageous lady and a good mother.
Keep up your strength.
You and your children are in my prayers. You are absolutely right, there is no recovery. Several members of my family were molested by my father, including his children and grandchildren and my mentally retarded cousin over many years and I hope that he is enjoying burning in hell! My heart hurts for you, having experienced the same thing. Stay strong and know that you are not alone!
Thank you both for your care and support.
I do want to add one thing I left out of this post. During the court hearing it was ordered the person have NO contact with my children, yet the therapist disregarded those orders by trying to initiate contact and also had the person send letters to each of my children and me. Luckily that day I was the one to get the mail so my children were not forced to face it. They would have opened the envelope without a second thought; you know how kids are if they see their name on an envelope they get excited!
I think stories of the hundreds of thousands like me need to be heard. We need not be ashamed because we did not ask to be victims. We do not want to see any more victims. Without our voices it remains a silent crime. The abusers should not be given chance after chance, afterall were any of us given a second chance to not fall victim to malicious acts? Any person that is proven to be guilty of sex abuse does not deserve an opportunity to strike again..and again and again.
To the author of the letter Mam you are a much stronger person than I am. Believe me when I say I am a grown man with plenty of bodily strength. When it comes to these children and the unacceptable harm that has been done to them (which they will have to live the rest of their lives with)If were my children I would be the one in jail. There is no doubt in my mind that this person needs a bullet placed between his eyes. That's why I say you are much stronger than I am because I couldn't resist the temptation of placing the bullet between his eyes. For someone to claim he needs this for his therapy is plain crazy and thoughtless towards the actual victims in your case. Be strong and don't ever let these wackos get near the kids ever again.
There is "A Time to Kill".
Thank you for posting your story. I too had 10 yrs of abuse by my stepfather, as I commented on my post yesterday. He too is suffering the pains of hell now. Sadly so is my mother. When she found out, her reaction was horrify and uncautionable. She actually chose him to the day he died. Even then her comments were you just have to forgive and forget, and family is family. That just devistated me to the core. I did through Christ forgave my mother through Him not too many years ago. (I'm 51 now). In turn Christ lifted that burden off my shoulders. I have raised 3 biological children (and now my great nephew 8yrs. old) who are all adults now, and through Him in prayer I made darn sure my children NEVER had to experience what I did (and they all know about my childhood)) And NEVER did I beat my children like my demented mother did. I not only gained the strenght through God, but also with the love of my life of thirty years and his parents. I don't consider myself courageous, but grateful that GOD IS ALWAYS THERE when you need him.
Anytime I read or hear of another victim, to this day I just want to castrate the bastard them throw him to the wolves, however I know that their judgement day will be far more punishable than what any human can possibly inflick.
Stand tall and NEVER forget that you are a true mother protecting the lives that you brought into this world.
You are in my prayers,
Michelle
Your experience is sad, but heaven and eath could you allow yourself to be forced into a situation that could have even remotely allowed you to be abused again therapist or not?
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your childern . I am a victim myself . My uncle sexually abused me as far back as I can remember. Also like you , my mother know what was happening and did nothing to stop it. This man had abused her as well. I am an adult now and I have forgiven my mother, as far as my uncle( he is deceased) I think not . I know it was not my fault and I can say I am ok . Time heals all. God Bless
12:37 I was abused from a very very early age It was discovered when I was 9 and when he came back into my parents home he was not only allowed to live there (as an adult this time) but I was forced to share a room with him. Looking back as an adult with confidence I should have done more to protest it, but as a kid who felt like no one cared and no one would do anything to stop it.. I just coped in an attempt to make the pain stop. I know that probably makes no sense if you have never been a victim, but any one that has they can understand it. When someone is abused for so long and then made to face the abuser every day and to support that person while they are serving in desert storm even being made to have the victims entire class write letters of support to the abuser it really takes a mental and emotional toll. It's almost as if the victim feels like a second class priority, as if that persons feelings and confusion isn't important. I honestly do not know how to put into words the feelings but I do know it is important for others to know this is happening in all neighborhoods, in all social classes and in all ethnic groups. This is not a isolated problem... in my opinion it is an epidemic that needs to be in the spot light to help those who feel alone and lost.
12:37.. I wrote this as a way to cope, maybe it will help you to understand the emotions many go through after being a victim of sexual abuse.
Seven Long Years
Tightly bound in covers so plenty
there is no chance of entry.
There is dark among the hall
she waits in worry of shadows so tall.
Her mind is engulfed in fear,
she hears foot steps coming near.
He is coming in...
it is late she should be sleeping,
but the nightmares are once again.
She pressed her eyes peeking thru a slither,
hoping he will not come hither.
She feels his heavy breath against her cheeks
as he pulls back the sheets.
Her eyes still refuse to open,
all words are left unspoken.
Large masculine hands begin to wonder.
Her eyes fill with tears,
she knows the pain he brings.
As he begins to touch her body
she finds the strength...
Not again tonight!
Seven LONG years he has done this.
Seven LONG years of pain and torment.
Seven LONG years of fear and shame.
Seven LONG years ends this day.
Seven LONG years end with a bang.
Under the sheets so plenty,
she has a surprise...
M&P plated on the side.
With the pull of the trigger,
no longer experiences of rigour.
He is exposed as the prevert.
No one else will he ever hurt.
No one else will scream silently
as he steals innocence.
Seven years came to an end.
Not one person stood for her...
Police disillusioned by his charm
No one seeing the pain he caused.
As his body lay in a pool of blood,
she dials the phone one more time.
With that call sirens are heard,
she waits still pointing at his head.
"Ma'am open up, we're here to help."
No longer can she tell who to trust,
Her body trembles as the bangs continue.
Thump thump thump against the door,
finally a crash as they rush to the floor.
Her hands are pried from that .357.
Thoughts rush thru her mind,
she fears they will save him.
A sigh of relief runs thru
As the coroner calls "code blue".
Finally seven long years come to an end.
Sadly it's prison for the next seven to ten.
The victims loses once again.
Now her body is her domain.
As she sits in her cell wide awake
she knows she made no mistakes.
Through iron bars she watches trees
as they sway gently in the breeze.
Knowing one day she can sleep in ease
never again feeling the suicide squeeze.
Author,
S.B.
Time for thanking all the Good parents, grandparents, and family member who constantly stand watch over the young. Thank-you for that extra time, effort and intelligent approach that keep our little ones safe from Evil Predators. thank-you for not allowing inappropriate or secretive adult behaviors to touch our precious children. Thank-you for quickly and firmly confronting these parasites.
You have an enormous amount of strength,more so than I would in your situation.I only can hope your brother has no children of his own to prey on.
To 1:21
This is the reality in the women's prison. Many of the women in prison come from sexually abusive households. When you are a child and you have someone repeatedly force themselves on you and invade your private space it is the ultimate deceit and degradation. Thank god the human mind has amazing ways to save the victims sanity and allows the detaching and breaking off of the reality going on. The perpetrator wants nothing more than to kill the spirit of the victim because they are useless bullies and sadly they are successful most of the time. It is only through GOD's grace that most of them are saved. Kudos to 1:21 for putting an end to the insanity. It is so sad because it should have been her parents that did it. In this case, an eye for an eye does not make the whole world blind, it makes them see reality. Seven years in prison is probably a cakewalk compared to the reality in which you lived. It's just too bad you could not have thrown the body in a sesspool somewhere where he belongs.
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