Attention

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not represent our advertisers

Friday, March 02, 2018

5 Easy Ways to Ruin Your Life

I know what you’re probably thinking. “My life is going too well! I wish I could find some way to screw it all up. That would be AMAZING!” If that is what you’re thinking, I am here for you. I have seen lots of people really screw up their lives and, lucky for you, it almost inevitably follows a pattern you can replicate.

1. Become Addicted

It doesn’t really matter what the addiction happens to be; it just matters that you have one. It can be drugs, alcohol, food, sex, gambling, shopping or hoarding. Just find some unhealthy pursuit and let it consume your life. Watch your health go downhill. Lie to your friends and family. Hell, even better, lie to yourself until every bit of your self-respect and personal integrity is gone. Do things you NEVER thought you’d do. Go to sketchy neighborhoods to buy drugs. Take money out of your kid’s college fund to bet on horse races. Take food, throw it in the trash and then take it out and eat it anyway. Get your stomach pumped after getting alcohol poisoning… again. You can dance this kind of dance your whole life and never get your footwork right.

2. Marry the Wrong Person


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Work 30 years to pay off house and retire!! Then in the process Jake day gets elected mayor your property isn't worth anything except to scumbags like cannon, Salisbury housing, Rodney long. They'll take it and divide it into "bedroom rental" properties. So much for the golden years

Anonymous said...

#6 Vote for Democrats.

Anonymous said...

Touché