CHAPPAQUA — Hillary Clinton surrendered to federal authorities on Tuesday after a nine-hour standoff involving a series of tense negotiations and a brief exchange of gunfire with Kazakh mercenaries. The former secretary of state was transferred to a federal prison facility in Cumberland, Md., where she will await trial on charges of corruption, racketeering, treason, voter fraud, planning the Benghazi attack, associating with perverts, and disseminating "fake news."
FBI Director Louie Gohmert praised the operation as "a victory for justice," hours after Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced a 612-page indictment against the failed presidential candidate at a press conference in Washington.
The FBI opened a formal investigation into Hillary Clinton's criminal deviance in early June, days after Gohmert was sworn in as successor to James Comey, the disgraced former director who was fired by the president in May. Comey's dismissal sparked protests across the country, as millions of angry voters took to the streets imploring President Trump to fulfill his campaign promise to imprison Hillary for her myriad crimes against the American people.
Many in the "fake news" media were stunned when Attorney General Sessions announced the indictment on Tuesday. During a subsequent briefing with Justice Department communications director Tomi Lahren, reporters broke down in tears and babbled hysterically about Hitler. Lahren mocked a failing New York Times correspondent who tried to disrupt the briefing by commandeering "the people's microphone" before being dragged off by federal agents.
It was the most highly-rated Justice Department briefing in history, according to President Trump.
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