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Sunday, January 13, 2019

Chesapeake Bay To Be Drained, Cleaned, Refilled On Thursday

NORFOLK, Va. — Officials with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s (NOAA) Chesapeake Bay Office announced this morning their plans to drain, clean, and refill the Bay this Thursday.

This operation marks the first effort to clean the Bay since its construction was completed 35.5 million years ago. “The Chesapeake Bay is an incredible natural wonder,” commented Martin Randalls, NOAA Director, “But she’s way overdue for a scrub.”

The 64,299-square-mile drainage basin has been the focus of organized cleanup efforts since the 1980s to combat industrial pollution, toxic waste, algae blooms, and some minor staining. “We want a bay for future generations to enjoy, for wildlife to continue to thrive in, and, ultimately, we also want to protect the resale value,” commented Alison Masters of Beach and Bay Realty, a sponsor of the project. “God forbid Virginia needs to sell one day, but a good cleaning every once in awhile is a great way to protect your investment, just in case.”

Officials have asked recreational boaters, commercial fishermen, and all plant and wildlife to avoid the estuary between 10 p.m. Wednesday and 9 a.m. Friday.

“Shouldn’t take too long—we’ve got a hell of a system down,” added Jay Peebles of Peebles Aquatics, a Hampton Roads-based pool cleaning company contracted to lead the cleanup. “We’ve been draining and scrubbing pools for 35 years; this won’t take us more than a day, tops.”

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Publishers Notes: LMAO

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know a few people who would believe it.

Anonymous said...

I gotta see this!

Anonymous said...

LMAO , a cluster of democrats

Anonymous said...

Not going to work!
How do you stop the rivers from flowing into the bay?
I guess you use portable dams for that

Anonymous said...

Good luck with that.
I guess they'll be flooding people's houses, are people going to be reimbursed who have flood insurance, I bet it will be considered a man made disaster, and they will weasel out of paying Lol

Anonymous said...

He does great work! He cleaned our pool in Cape Charles. lol

Anonymous said...


Someone was a tad early with their April Fool's announcement. This time of year they should be trimming their Swiss spaghetti trees for the next growing season.

Anonymous said...

Yes they can use those portable damn like tubes you fill with water, but like one has pointed out, there is no way they can damn up a river and drain it in a day unless it is a low slow flow river and not wide or deep....

Anonymous said...

I hear that they're doing the same thing at the Conowingo Dam, shutting off the river upstream and having hundreds of volunteers with buckets and shovels clear the debris away from the base of the dam. That should take less than a few hours.

Anonymous said...

This makes as much sense as the Chesapeake Bay Foundation

Anonymous said...

PETA people will be there to keep fish and other aquatic life alive in tanks while the job is done.

Anonymous said...

Finally, they can find all of those hidden drainage pipes that are killing the Bay!

wrench said...

They will start off with closing the shipping lanes first. Put out the orange barrels and detour the traffic as they drain, clean and refill one section at a time.

Anonymous said...

We can pay for the Border Wall by selling tickets to this event
Checks only —paid only to Donald J Trump
The only politician I trust!

Anonymous said...

At first I thought just maybe it was a mistake and they were talking about an area that possibly could be drained. Got me for a split second 😂

Anonymous said...

I think it's all BS, I think it will take at least 2 or 3 days.

Anonymous said...

How many people still believe this, or actually think it's possible?

Anonymous said...

Democrats are lining up at the foot of the Bay with Brita filters.

Anonymous said...

I just learned that the Chesapeake Bay Foundation is paying for this!

Anonymous said...

Good. I can get my lures back

Anonymous said...

About time they spent the billions of “save the bay “ taxes on the bay...

Anonymous said...

Maybe they'll find that Seal that swam by my boat last week.

Anonymous said...

Navy Seal?!

Anonymous said...

Good Lord Joe, some of your readers are going to believe it. Remember how so many were duped by the "chem trails" reports? The unbelievable becomes believable to many of your readers. Just look at the comments.