Q: What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.
Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
A: Only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with and your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* if you spend it on gasoline, your money goes to the Arabs.
* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India,Taiwan or China.
* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
* if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to the management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead keep the money in America by:
(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Go to a ballgame, or
(3) Spend it on prostitutes, or
(4) Beer, or
(5) Tattoos
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day. No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.
Your friendly tax accountant
11 comments:
Also legalize prostitution since it is between two adults and it is a private transaction.
But we have to stay home, how are we going to spend it?
Yeah, and then the prostitute will purchase imported illegal drugs.
I'm not laughing.
Buying another gun.
Makes perfect sense. Wise man.
Correction on gasoline. US is now a net exporter of oil. We export more than we import so the money goes to Americans.
Yes, the Oldest Profession is Booming all the time no matter what !! LOL
Yes, the money will come from the taxpayers, specifically from the social security accounts of the dead . The funds they paid into the govt trust fund will now be “absorbed” by that same govt..
Ha Ha Ha ! Great One !
9:53 right legalize it and tax it, good revenue for the states after loosing so much during this down time!
see all of you at the yard sales. One mans junk is another mans treasure! Get that junk out so i can come buy some.
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