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Friday, May 26, 2017

Passport Application Letter


Dear Mrs.. Ms. Or Sir: I'm in the process of renewing my passport and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable TV from them in 1987 (23 years ago), and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date. For Christ sake's, do you guys do this by hand? Ever heard of computers?

My birth date you have in my social security file. It's on EVERY income tax form I've filed for the past 30 years. It's on my Medicare health insurance card and my driver's license, it's on the last eight damn passports I've had, it's on every stupid customs declaration form I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane for the last 30 years. And it's on all those census forms that we have to do at election times. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'm reasonably confident that neither name is likely to change between now and when I die.

Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bureaucratic bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my #*&#%*& address. What is going on? You must have a gang of bureaucratic Neanderthal morons working there! Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? And "No," I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sake's. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would
you give a damn whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now because I have to go to the other end of the city and get another #*@&#^@*@& copy of my birth certificate to the tune of $100. Would it be so difficult to have all the services in the same area so I could get a new passport the same day? Nooooo, that would require planning and organization. And it would be too logical for the @&^*^%@% government. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off. Then, we have to find some asshole to confirm that it's really me in the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to
smile...Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!

Signed - An Irate Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I wrote about getting someone to confirm that the picture is me? Well, my family has been in the United States of America since 1776. I have served in the military for something over 35 years and have had security clearances up the ying yang. However, I have to get someone important to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor....WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN INDIA!

And you a-holes want to run our health care system?????


Anonymous said...

I love it, and it's just about spot on.

Anonymous said...

6:22am Actually it's not "spot on". Aside from having to get a new picture, renewing a passport is just about the easiest thing you can do. I just renewed mine by mail. Much easier than renewing a drivers license.

Anonymous said...

7:08am - BINGO about the drivers' license. God forbid you don't have a piece of paper OR signed something incorrectly. World War Z could be coming and you will NOT have a drivers license! HAHA

Anonymous said...

7:08 AM, the point is, whatever an American citizen is trying to renew, you get all these same questions over and over and over. Why do they, by now, not know your ss number, address, birthdate, etc? Like the article said do they keep records or know what a computer is? So very frustrating. By the way, I love the letter and it is spot on!

Rebel Without a Clue said...

I think that I will share this one! It's funny in so many ways.

Anonymous said...

How many different government agencies are there that would all have to be interconnected with their systems for this to be a reality? Then I suppose you'd want the state, county and city to be doing the same thing to because you don't want to be inconvenienced for a few minutes.

Obama Crooked Bastardo said...

The letter is spot on. Now, imagine you forget to pay your taxes and guess what? IRS would be on your a$$ like a bee on honey, they would have the DHS parked in your driveway before you get home from work, asking for a check.SMH