Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and often times very humorous:

· If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me very attractive.

· I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

· Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

· Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

· I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

· If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

· Take my advice; I'm not using it.

· My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

· Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

· Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

· Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

· Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

· He who laughs last thinks slowest.

· Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

· Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

· I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

· I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

· If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

· Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

· If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

· Money is the root of all wealth.

· No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.