Attention

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not represent our advertisers

Friday, July 27, 2018

17,645 people have signed a petition to drink liquid from the black sarcophagus

A couple weeks back, archaeologists in Egypt discovered an unopened sarcophagus that was black in color and mysterious in origin. Some reasonably worried if researchers opened the lid, a curse would be cast upon the land, and a plague of locusts (or some other sort of old-timey malady) would devour the earth.

Well, folks, they opened the sarcophagus, and so far, so good on the curse front. What the archaeologists found instead were the decomposed bodies of three non-royal people and a whole lot of red liquid that looked somewhat cursed in its own right.

Now, 17,645 people (as of this writing) have signed a Change.org petition to drink the red coffin juice. Specifically, to drink it "in the form of some sort of carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die."

According to the Egyptian Antiquities Minister, the Pharaoh Punch is not "juice for mummies that contains an elixir of life" or red mercury; it's just sewage water that leaked into the sarcophagus.

In response, the petition's creator posted, "Please stop trying to tell me the skeleton juice is mostly sewage thats impossible everyone knows skeletons cannot poop."

And the signatures keep piling up.

More

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ground water seepage? Condensation? The fact that organs have water in them to and the skin and everything else in the body????

Anonymous said...

Maybe that is the Kool-Aid the Democraps are drinking. LMAO

Anonymous said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Anonymous said...

Let the morons drink it!

Anonymous said...

11:18 agree, if they lick toilet bowls and eat Tide pods, why not let them have at it.

Anonymous said...

There's an idiot created every minute.

Anonymous said...

Have they lost their minds?

Anonymous said...

There are some sick people in this world, especially the States.