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Thursday, February 28, 2019

SATIRE ...... Jussie Smollett Offered Job At CNN After Fabricating News Story Out Of Thin Air

ATLANTA, GA—While Empire actor Jussie Smollett has been having a tough week so far, there appears to be a silver lining: cable news channel CNN has offered Smollett a job as an investigative reporter and on-air anchor after witnessing his skills at fabricating a story entirely out of thin air.

CNN producers were reportedly impressed throughout the ongoing saga of Smollett's apparent hoax attack on himself. They realized early on the facts didn't add up but were fascinated with how well the actor kept the narrative going. An HR rep quickly reached out to Smollett to see if he'd be interested in taking on a position at the news organization after news broke that the entire thing was probably fabricated.

"Smollett has exactly the kind of skills we look for at our fine organization," said CNN correspondent Brian Stelter. "He picked a narrative, made up all the relevant facts and details, and stuck with his story in spite of glaring holes in the plot. It's hard to find people who understand our core values here at CNN, but Smollett seems to be just the guy for us."

The actor has accepted the offer and is now undergoing training to learn how to weave even more intricate narratives ex nihilo, according to insiders.

12 comments:

  1. Just so your readers know, this is satire lol

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  2. Who didn't see this coming? He'll fit right in, it's all fake anyhow.

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  3. Ha!
    Even the National Enquirer doesn't want him.

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  4. Cohen will get one also lololol if he makes it out of Prison with Bubba.

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  5. Please tell me this is a joke!

    If it's true, I want to get the hell off this planet!!!

    Beam me up Scottie!!!!

    This planet has become an insane asylum!

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  6. this is a joke right?

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  7. CNN hasn't been a real news channel in years, does anyone even listen to them anymore, much less watch them. They have exactly zero creditability.

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  8. yeah 10:19, but the National Enquirer ranks a little more credible than CNN, LOL!

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  9. OMG people... satire!!!!

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  10. I hope he slips off the ,5th Tier.

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  11. Stacy Adams wanted that job. Plan B for her? Spokes model for Lane Bryant?

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