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Monday, May 27, 2019

Getting Old

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
 

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is, ”I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don’t have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I’m just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age “Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 70 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne. Life is great.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.

5 comments:

  1. Don't forget the part about taking more from Social Security and Medicare than you paid into it! Good times!

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    Replies
    1. 5:55 My employers and I paid into social security and taxes for over 40 years. I doubt if I will live long enough to collect all of it back. How long have you been contributing sonny boy?

      Delete
  2. I can relate to being a Seenager; additionally, I can say anything I want and don't give a crap about what anyone thinks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This would explain why you troll all day. You actually don’t remember your comments

      Delete
  3. Ha ha 10:18. I’m old and NOT cynical like you obviously are.

    ReplyDelete

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