The World’s Largest Monument to Nitpicking

CINCINNATI, Ohio—Of course it was pouring. Driving down I-75 in minimum-visibility road conditions past Shell stations and strip malls toward the Ark Encounter, the life-sized replica of the vessel used by Noah to save mankind and the animal kingdom from God’s wrath during the Deluge that opened last month in Williamstown, Kentucky, my only question was “Can she float?”

When I posed this question to various members of museum staff, the consensus seemed to be “Probably not,” if only because the massive cement beams underneath the 300-cubit—that’s 510 non-biblical feet, longer than two Taj Mahals turned on their sides—ship were pretty much permanent anchors.

“How many floors you got here?” a woman in an LSU Tigers T-shirt asked a museum employee as I approached the entrance.

The staffer smiled. “There are three decks.” The staff seem to be under orders to employ nautical terminology at all times.

As we made our way through the line, we watched sped-up footage of the Ark’s construction and listened to music that sounded like Vangelis accompanied by the rhythm section from “Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes.” If the aesthetic they were going for was “apocalyptic-primitive,” they nailed it..

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